"Offbeat" is a SmartShanghai column about stuff to look at or do in Shanghai that's interesting or weird (relatively, of course), that doesn't fit anywhere else. It appears weekly, monthly, or maybe even annually, when we're not busy working on other superfluous column ideas.

I have a strange attraction to carnivals. It's basically the same kind of attraction I have for Nanjing Road. I go there remembering how the last time I went there I left feeling incredibly depressed and a little bit nauseous. Still, I also remember that there was something good about the experience, but I can never quite remember what it was. It's locked somewhere deep in my psyche next to other happiness/nausea inducing things like the lyrics to Spice Girls songs and surviving a meal at one of those live squid Korean places.





In an attempt to rediscover what it was that made me so happy, I invariably commit myself to going. When I get there, the noise and the flashing lights dazzle me. I'm filled with an infantile exhilaration. Oh, the excitement! The darkness of night descends, and the world is full of light and wonder! But then... people try to get me to throw away money on things I don't need (watches, handbags, Spongebob Squarepants plush toys...). Club remixes of Usher begin to reverberate around me. What was once a beautiful, innocent moment of rediscovering light and excitement in the darkness of the world becomes a tragic excuse to sell me China Unicom's most recent phone plan (3G, people! 3G!) and Ford's (er... Fútè's) bumpin' new car.

Speaking of Ford's, the first thing that I saw as made my way through the now defunct Expo site into the Shanghai Grand Carnival this past Tuesday afternoon was a Ford commercial featuring music from Beijing rockers Bigger Bang. Looks like they've made it. The “Chinese Groupon”, Lashouwang's spokesperson Ge You (the funny looking bald guy you see everywhere) competed with the band for the soundscape. I made my way through the empty cordon maze to buy a rechargeable ticket for 100rmb. The minimum ticket price is 50rmb, but if you pay 100rmb, they give you 10rmb extra. I wanted to get my money's worth.





When I got in, I found myself wowed and wanting to begin the process of intestinal trauma in the name of fun. I'm not talking about the food (although I'll get to that); I'm talking about the the rides, man! The rides!

Here's the deal: As of last Tuesday, a bunch of them were still closed for repairs and safety checks, unfortunately so, as they promise to be some of the carnival's biggest attractions. The Movie Star Ferris wheel (30rmb) was closed as a team of welders affixed cages around all of the gondolas. There was also an inverted roller coaster that appeared to be The Bat (60rmb), given away by the Batman-esque insignias painted above each the dangling carriages. It's a decently sized roller coaster, although it doesn't look to be the biggest in the world as previously reported.

Despite the closures, there were still some good rides worth checking out. The F1 Slide (30rmb) is just that, one giant, freakin' slide. In terms of altitude shifts, it aims to be the carnival's biggest, but don't let the daredevil inside you get too excited. A closer inspection proves that it's really a series of small slides all packed into one. Still, for reliving playground glory days, you can't beat it. Speaking of childhood, those of you with kids (or who happen to be diminutive cheapskates), there are miniature, easy going versions of a bunch of rides for around 10rmb.

For carnival purists, they've got classics like bumper cars (30rmb) and a log flume ride (30rmb). For the most physical disorientation for your buck, I'd recommend the Sky Rider or the Kamakaze (both 30rmb). The Sky Rider looks a bit like a kids ride. It doesn't travel high off the ground and it doesn't flip you upside down. Still it'll throw you up and down and around and around fast enough to get the job done. The Kamakaze is two cages that spin vertically in a circle, allowing the brave to enjoy the mind-numbing experience of allowing gravity to pull all of your blood into your head. Hanging upside down! Sweet!





As for food, the options were pretty disappointing. There were loads of ice cream stands and places to buy drinks, but no funnel cakes, corn dogs or deep fried snickers bars. For something deep fried in oil, you had to settle for the KFC express (i.e. KFC with no french fries). It was tucked away in a back corner next to a cafeteria that claimed to offer Thai food and sushi, but really only Chinese favorites such as stinky tofu and fried noodles (around 15rmb). There was a stall called American Carnival Food which offered popcorn, hot dogs, pizza and cotton candy, but everything there looked liked it'd been sitting under a hotplate for a long, long time. To top it off, there was a concession to that all-too-pampered cosmopolitan in all of us. Yep, they've got a Starbucks. Latés! Sweet!

And then there's the games... There are plenty of them. If you're looking to throw away your money win some cheap crap a great prize like a Tasmanian Devil, Pink Panther or Wall-E plush toy, then there are plenty of places to shoot basketballs, throw darts and toss baseballs into milk jugs for around 20rmb. I was walking past the milk jug toss when I saw one of the Chinese women working there throw a baseball at the hole. It went in. An incredible look of excitement washed over her face. She couldn't believe it went in. I thought: Don't give it away, girl! You've got to make people think it's easy to get it in! You've got to make those people want those plush toys! Come on, it's the the Pink Panther! Sweet!

***

The Shanghai Freij Grand Carnival is running until October 30 at the Shanghai Expo Village.

Getting there: The address of the spot is Shanghai Expo Exit 4, Bailianjing Lu, between Expo Da Dao and Pudong Nan Lu. Finding your way from any of the nearby metros (I recommend Line 7's Yuntai Lu Metro Station) requires a healthy and confusing walk of about 15 minutes (if you don't get lost). It's advisable to get a pedicab there for around 10rmb. Tell them you want to go to the jiāniánhuá.

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