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Suit Up: Men's Swimwear in Shanghai

Boys of summer, here's where to go shopping for swimsuits. Lots of really valuable and hard-won information inside. Shopping article, POW.
Last updated: 2015-11-09


Sun. Hot. Swimming. Pool parties. Hot dogs. Going to the beach. Maxin' and relaxin' poolside. Gettin' a turbo sweet tan. Waves and babes. BBQs. Summer stuff. Rubbin' lotion on thangs. Blah, blah, blah.

Gentlemen, here’s where you can find swimsuits in Shanghai.

The Source

158 Xinle Lu, near Donghu Lu





The Source, streetwear boutique, is offering a modest rack of men’s swimsuits in slick and frenetic styles and designer brands, catering to their core audience, which is people who professionally boogie board, cool CEOs, and people who link TED Talks in their Facebook feeds. Volcom, Rip Curl, and a few others in a variety of styles from “board shorts” to… the normal kind of shorts.

Good place to shop if you want to look like you know what you're doing with the whole swimming thing.

Price range: 200rmn to 800rmb

Sizes: S to XL

Adidas

691 Huaihai Zhong Lu, near Maoming Lu



Earlier this year, Adidas opened a million-floor flagship store on Huaihai Lu, and it’s got all kinds of Adidas gear, a giant shoe, and pictures of Katy Perry everywhere. Asked the store clerks for swim trunks and they pointed us to a very tiny little rack of Adidas-brand speedos-type swimsuits -- the kind that professional divers and swimmers wear. I was into that because I’m thinking Speedos is the way to go this year -- really thinking about putting my balls into play -- alas, they were real small. Too small.

Price range: 150rmb for the Speedo kind.

Sizes: S to L



And then on our way out we saw the window display and apparently they have “board shorts” and possibly more, but going back in to investigate wasn’t in the cards. Time is money.

H&M

Locations all over town; Click here for the list.







H&M is the alpha and omega store for big, fat white guys. They should really just change it to F&W -- fat and white. We’re all out there, all over Shanghai, all of us big, fat white guys, all wearing that same H&M shit. We’re all out there, rocking the same button-up black dress shirt and cotton pants, and we don’t have a choice. It’s what’s available to us. It's all we got, it's all we got...

As you would expect, H&M is a great places for men's swimsuits as well. Almost as good as just pulling out a pair of shorts from the back of your closet and swimming in those. Lots of different styles and a range of sizes, including -- *gasp* -- faux jeans shorts! So hot right now. Affordable pricing too.

H&M also has all the summer accessories as well, to go with your swimsuit, especially if you’re kind of a dick.

Read: fedoras.

Price range: 90rmb to 300rmb

Sizes: S to XXL

American Apparel

Infinity Plaza 2/F, 138 Huaihai Zhong Lu, near Pu'an Lu



American Apparel is that store that everything in it is one color, it’s “all about the fit”, and all the models in their advertisements looks like they’re on super good quality heroin. In the store, they really stick to the one color thing. It’s actually quite mesmerizing. All sorts of fantastical colors, natural and man-made, all colors of the spectrum. I was into it. It’s kind of arty.

Anyways, they have a bunch of men’s swimsuits, shorty shorts style, set up on a rack to look like Skittles. Sizes are on the small side but if you’ve got the look, the smack, and you’re twink enough to pull it off, they’re really quite snazzy. Kind of a reto mod, gigolo pool boy for Zsa Zsa Gabor or something.

Price: 250rmb

Sizes: S to XL

Marks & Spencer

1-2/F, 98 Huaihai Zhong Lu



Marks & Spencer is classic British shopping to the smooth strains of Shakira. I guess it’s like British K-Mart or Sears or something, but a bit more high-end in that they have wine and nice bakery items for sale instead of broken Power Rangers toys in a big bin.

Up in the men’s section is a meager collection of swimsuits, the style and cut of which, I would imagine, would wildly satisfactory if you happened to be Phil Collins.

No jacket required.

Price: Man, I don’t really remember. Couple hundo feels right.

Size: S to XL

LaPuta Palace Arcade

138 Huaihai Zong Lu



Just around the corner from Marks & Spencer at 138 Huaihai Lu is this big statue of a Transformer and if you stick your head in there, they’re blasting some sweet trance music like it’s 2am in the morning. That’s the LaPuta Palace Arcade, son.

Went in there looking for swim trunks and found Dance Dance Revolution.



Some awesome punching game.



And a whole host of other divine and janky distractions







Price range: 20rmb for 30 tokens with game prices ranging between one and four tokens a go. Memberships available.

Sizes: N/A

Mix Drink

238 Danshui Lu, near Zizhong Lu



A brief little sojourn from the arcade through Xintinadi and you’re at Mix Drink -- a cafe and lounge where they make you cocktails-to-go in plastic cups, ideal for the alcoholic on-the-move. They were fresh out of men’s swimwear but they did set us up with some nice cocktails: a Pink Lady and a Margarita.

They were strong as hell and really complimented the shopping.



Prices: Cocktails are on happy hour special between 2pm and 7pm.

Sizes: N/A

Dog Lady

Just chillaxing on the street



Dog Lady just picked up her dog from the groomers next door to the cocktail place and she was super excited about it. She was totally nice and we wanted to just blast street cocktails with her for the rest of the afternoon but we had to keep moving.

Dog Lady had no idea where to get men’s swimsuits.

Price range: A smile and a song.

Sizes: One super-sized heart.

The Kedi

Not telling. Super secret address.



Asked the Kedi lady is she knew where to get men’s swimwear and she was like, “Nah, Morgan bro. Don’t worry about that shit. Here’s two Breezers, guy. That will be 25 rembos. Rack it up.”

Kedi lady was speaking some truth. Here's my advice: if you're a guy just use that swimsuit you got from your older brother in like 1983. It's still good. If you forgot that, just use shorts man. Same difference.

Price range: Breezer were 25 renminbes, advice was free.

Sizes: Lime flavor.

Some Demoralizing Mall Someplace

Narnia



Found some Speedos in the back-end of the sixth floor of some mall off the Nanjing Lu pedestrian street. Don't remember where it was. Was pretty tipsy at this point. All I remember is that it was awful and I would never recommend anyone to go there. It made my soul tired.

I couldn't tell you how to get to there even if I wanted to. Think I had to use a fucking Stargate to find this place.

Price Range: 250rmb-ish.

Sizes: Honesty time: I lost my notes for this article somewhere between the Dog Lady and the Kedi. I've been using my best gestimates. For the Speedos, I want to say sizes were S to L.

TESCO

128 Zhaojiabang Lu, near Shanxi Nan Lu



Told the cab driver to get serious take us to mah-fuckin' JAH LOH FOH, but he dropped us a TESCO instead because it was all the same to him. Stared at the men's underwear for like 20 minutes before realizing they weren't swimsuits. Yeah, they don't have any swimsuits at TESCO.

But they have Coco Puffs! Pops!



BAM! Shopping! Journalism! Nailed it!

***



Words by Morgan Short; Photos by Nick Taylor

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