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Self-Help: Salsa

Oh god, it's a free salsa class. We sent the intern down to embarrass himself. He came back with 47 new girlfriends. Guess the joke's on us.
Last updated: 2015-11-09
In an attempt to reverse the downward spiral of your mental and physical wellbeing, we bring you suggestions of classes, sporty things, team events, volunteering and educational stuff that might just pull you out of that boozy tail-spin.



Week 9: Salsa


Under the pretext of finding “fun activities in Shanghai”, which I believe is all part of an elaborate hazing ritual, SmartShanghai sent me, Bo Brennan, the most awkward white dude they know, to a salsa class (italics added for spiciness).

To be fair, I do have impressive "awkward white dude" credentials: my music playlist comprises mainly Hank Williams Sr. songs; I have been known to do the “Dougie” and the “Walk it Out” for the amusement of all; I drove a van for seven years; and I’ve read fantasy novels other than Game of Thrones. So, really the only way I could be more awkward is if I were Canadian.

Just putting all this out there so you can picture the scene. With all that front and center, I headed off to Hot Salsa, which runs beginners’ classes every Wednesday at 7:30pm on Hengshan Lu. The club’s run by business partners Gene from Guilin and Lily from Shanghai. I told Lily I was willingly to learn anything and everything. She smiled with the confidence of knowing that I was about to make a fool out of myself.



What you need


For the beginners’ class, you don’t need anything special. Guys can dress in everyday man-clothes. Most of the girls were in heels but those weren’t mandatory.

Who goes


Ladies. And lots of them. My friends, I have been to the mountaintop. I have seen the Promised Land. And it is good. Out of the 40 or so people in attendance, it was about a four-to-one senorita / señor ratio. The few guys who were there gave me venomous, suspicious glances when I walked in, as if I was about reveal their closely guarded secret to the world. And I am. So, maybe I deserved those looks.



What happens


Lily, who has been teaching salsa for eight years in Shanghai, opened the class by having everyone swirl their hips seductively. Good start. I couldn’t help but stare at the middle-aged Pakistani dude in pleated khakis gyrating provocatively in front of me. Things were getting steamy in the Hot Salsa studio.

After our sexy-time warm-up, we started doing the basic steps. At this point Gene takes over and starts giving out instructions in Chinese and English. If you can move your feet and count to eight, you’ll be fine. For some reason, I proved incapable of that. I slunk into the shadows to hide my uncoordinated shame. Beginners’ classes are free, which made me feel better. I would hate to pay to embarrass myself in front of a room full of girls.



After getting the basic steps down, we partnered up and the whole shebang started looking a lot more salsa-y. Gene gives instructions while he and Lily stand in the middle of the room demonstrating dance moves. You’ll spin your partner, share shy glances with them as you hold their hand in your sweaty palm, and mutter awkward duibuqi’s as you step all over their feet. It’s all very romantic. That goes on for about an hour. The whole class takes up two hours in total, with a break in the middle.

How much of your life will this take up


In terms of exercise potential, the beginner’s class wasn’t terribly demanding. You’re sweating just because there are 40 some-odd guys and girls crammed together in a dance studio, not because this is a fierce workout. However, from what I’ve been told, and judging by the shape Lily and Gene are in, once you start getting real with salsa, it’s a fantastic workout. To get good at the dance, good enough so you’re not making a fool of yourself anymore… well, that’s anyone’s guess. But if you’re serious and you practice every week, anywhere from two to three months to get the basics down, according to Lily.



How much does it cost


The beginners’ class is free every week, but if you’re a bit self-conscious with your dancing skills, Hot Salsa also offers one-on-one sessions. They also have group classes in other dance styles ranging from bachata to merengue, whatever the hell those are. The paid classes are 800rmb for a 10-class pass, or buy a year’s worth of classes for 5800rmb. The website (which is in Chinese) isn’t working right now. For the class schedule, call up the studio or pop in for a beginners’ class.

Best bits


One really great thing about Hot Salsa is that Lily and Gene, understanding that many people might be a little self-conscious, go around the class giving pointers and encouraging the students. If there’s ever a girl or a guy standing off to the side with their arms crossed, they swoop in and make them feel comfortable. Other pros: being good at salsa would probably make you a sex god.



Worsties


Salsa’s hard to master. Along the way you’ll probably encounter lots of public embarrassment. If you're going to meet girls, the guy-girl ratio is a major plus point, of course, but unfortunately, and we realize this article is not going to help matters, once the word gets out about the lack of men at these classes, things are bound to change. We accept no responsibility if you show up to salsa night and all you see is a migratory herd of sweaty expats who just came to creep on some Chinese girls.

For Hot Salsa’s map and details, go here.

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