Dear L,

Hey! It was nice meeting you too! Thanks for coming up and saying hi! Even though I didn't look nervous, I was really shaking inside! For those of you who have no idea what we're talking about, I was recently a guest speaker at one of Urban Blast's Ladies Nights at The Collection. It's a night where woman can get together and hang out while guest speakers like me talk about sex, and various other topics. I think they'll be doing it every Wednesday, so go check it out if you and your girlfriends want some yummy drinks and great advice. OK, that's enough promoting :)

Anyhoo, back to your question. I don't know if you know but... I'M A HAIRSTYLIST!!! The best in town! I don't talk about sex all day long, you know. I do have a day job! I make people pretty and confident during the day! So if you are in need of a do, come see me! Really, I am the best.

But I shouldn't be selfish and I should introduce a few other good places as well. First, TOPNOTCH hair salon on Wuyang lu close to Urumuqi lu is great! Beautiful lane house, renovated into a cafe, retail store and salon on three floors. And the lovely Manu and Simone are great stylists! Also soon to open, is the famous Frank Provost hair salon from Paris on Shanxi Lu and Changle Lu. For colour Sandy at ID Hair on Nanchang Lu close to Ruijing Lu is awesome, and last but not least, we all know Toni and Guy!!

Well that's about it!

Dear Freericks,

Yes, unfortunately the S&M scene sucks here. It really sucks. A few years back some people tried to start up a scene here but didn't really work out. It was more of a themed S&M party than a real one. I guess there aren't enough freaks like me. I would love to see someone start one up again and I would be more than be happy to participate! For all my clients out there, surprise! Yes, the innocent girl with pigtails who talks about her kitties and BBQs as she gently cuts your hair is really a FREAK!!!! Ha ha ha!!! Nah, I'm just joking...

So! You want to have a hot beef injection do ya!? Sorry buddy but I can't help you. I have a boyfriend and even though he's open minded, I don't think we can have our morning coffee with, "So how was he? Tight? Did you like getting your dinky stinky?" "Yeah, it was alright but the damn thing kept getting stuck so I spent most of the time lubing and pulling. I hate it when their dry ... amateurs."

Get my point? So I can't help you but I can at least try to lead you in the right direction. That is, lead others in the direction of your ass. First, like I always say, post on craigslist.org. If that doesn't work, try alt.com. A lot of cool, VERY open minded people there! But your gonna have to pay if your a guy. Last but not least, I have a few friends who will throw on a wig and you won't have to invest in a strap-on. The ones made here always make you itchy anyways!

Hope that helps.

Dear Abby, Abby, Abby...

Sure, I like to roll my own cigarettes too. There's rolling papers everywhere!!! Where the hell are you looking? OK,the easiest and most central place would be the DVD shop next to baolo (is that how you spell it?) on Fumin Lu and Changle Lu. Close to the corner there's an OK DVD shop that sells all kinds of cigarettes too. Ask him for papers.

Editor's note:The place she's talking about is just north of Changle Lu on Fumin Lu. They have racks of DVDs on the sidewalk in milk crates and at the cash register they have pretty much every brand of pirated pipe tobacco there is. And rolling paper. Here it is on the SmSh map.

Another place would be that cool little shop that sells wicked t-shirts, skinny ties, bongs, and yes! Rolling papers! What's the name? How the f*%k should I know? It's on Xinle Lu in between De Lys french bistro and Boona cafe. There's usually a blue Vespa parked in front. Or a massive great Pyrenees dog in the shop! Don't worry he's super friendly!

Editor’s note: That store, pretty much the only place to get rolling papers, cool comics, British mod clothes, AND Rastafarian hats, closed down last week. Can't remember what it was called... something like "Transit"... oh! It was called "Sideways."

Also the funky shop next to Kommune sells rolling papers too.

And last but not least, the best place ever because it's so underground and sketchy is a hidden shop in an old lane house. The lady there sells amazing pipes, rolling tobacco, rolling papers, cigarillos--anything a smoking connoisseur wants. But this place is a bit hard to find. Let me try to give you directions. Go to the corner of Guangyuan lu and Tianping lu. Once on the corner, face Huashan road and start walking towards Huashan on your right. The first small lane way you see, there should be a lady selling cigarettes. She's the one. Tell her you've been there before and that you want to see her rolling tobaccos. She'll take you through the labyrinth of lane houses and take you to her place. Very cool. Usually filled with old classy Chinese men looking for smoking pipes. Now there's a second lane way after the first with also a guy selling cigarettes, don't go there, he probably won't know what you're talking about.

I think that should do it.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Editor's Note (last one): The dude outside LOgO bar. He sells rolling paper and he doesn't ask any questions. There's also a guy lurking around willing to sell you some of his special tobacco to go with that rolling paper of yours. Also, there's a dude outside of The Shelter on weekends selling rolling paper as well. People who go to these bars really like to roll their own cigarettes I guess.