Skeletons and the Closet

Awww, thanks Wolverine,

I can't believe you've been reading my columns for five years. Rock on!

So, it sounds like you've had a bit of fun here and there, and you've also been quite serious here and there as well. You sound like a well-rounded guy. Maybe we should have met and bumped uglies before you sent me this email. Looks like us ladies are losing another good one to the other side. :)

Okay, so I obviously don't need to tell you that this feeling is NOT some rebound shit from the emotional pain of failed engagements and terminated pregnancies. If this was the case, there's a few friends I would love to psychologically f*&k just to bring ‘em over to this side so I can have a go at their donut holder. Yes, I've heard of a few stories of girls trying out other girls because they were hurt bad but I think it was either more of a head game or they were gay from the start.

Now, I can't really help you confirm if you’re gay or bi or straight. I mean, it’s pretty obvious: if you fancy men, then you’re gay. But if you still fancy women too, well, you’re bi for now. Maybe that'll change later. It could just be a transitional time.

.. But your attraction to men is something you seem pretty confident about, and coming to terms with that and being honest with yourself, family, and friends is something that needs to happen. You know this.

Coming out is a delicate process. You might find it easier taking little steps so you have a bit of a wobble space. The idea of saying "I'm gay" or " I think I'm gay" -- speaking it out publicly in the world -- might be frightening, so start with a very close girlfriend. They tend to be more accepting of change, can provide unflinching support, and can keep a secret if you need them to. If you need to go through a few more 'runs' with a few more friends, do it.

But you’re going to have to come to your family with it sooner rather than later after you’ve approached a few close friends. You don’t want your family to find out from someone else, confront you about it, and derail how you eventually want to let them know. When it’s out, it’s out.

From your letter it seems like your brother is the place to start. It sounds like he is the first place you should go to entirely. He sounds like will understand. He'll probably be upset that you didn't tell him sooner. :) And then he may be shocked. Give him time. He may have questions. Answer all of them. He might not care, wooohooo! At the end of the day, he is your brother and you being gay doesn't change anything. Keep being your wonderful self and he’ll realize that your sexual preference doesn’t change who you always were and who you are today. Might take him time to realize that but he will.

And this goes with your friends. You being gay will not change the way they see you nor will it change the way they hang out with you. If it does, it’s their deficiency and their loss. And if there's that one that chooses to not to contact you ever again, f*&k him, he was obviously a misjudgment on your part and you don't need someone like him around.

You'll continue playing sports, you’ll continue to love and live and play and laugh all that. Life will go on. Scratch that: life will get very much better. Infinitely better. As you said it yourself: this discussion IS holding you back in life.

All this said, take your time, there's no hurry. And if you need some more clearing up in bed, well, you know how to contact me :) I have a few sizes and I’ll be gentle.

Good luck, bub.

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