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The Top Five: Solo Pizza

On ordering pizza as a lonely single man - By Oliver, Sep 24, 08

I'm single, live alone, and want good, cheap pizza delivered to me so I can sit on the couch and eat it while watching DVDs.

That's where I'm coming from.

Here are the criteria I look for when ordering pizza. I have yet to find a place that meets all of them perfectly, but if they can get most of it right then I'm happy:

- Must be able to accept English-language orders

I don't know the Chinese words for green pepper, pineapple, and pepperoni, and have resolved myself never to learn them. Also, in general my Chinese is pretty bad, so it's just easier if we do this thing in English. And I'll be calling at 4am to complicate matters.

- Must be cheap

When I flip through the Sherpas, my heart sinks when I see prices hovering around and over 100rmb for a single pizza. I realize these pizzas are made with the finest ingredients hand-flown in from Italy, but I'm more just looking to gorge myself rather than embark on a fantastic culinary experience.

- Pizzas must not be made of poison

Self-explanatory.

Hello Pizza

Of course. Despite the fact that they've bumped the prices of their nine-inch pizza from 10rmb to 25-29rmb, Hello Pizza are still my go-to guys at the end of the month when I'm skint but still want that sweat pie. Hello Pizza are the cornerstone of every degenerate English teacher's diet, and although they waste your time with a bunch of inedible pizzas catering to local tastes (like coconut, fried eggs, corn, and fish heads on a pizza), they offer up a respectable pepperoni for 25rmb and a mean Hawaiian for the same. I usually order three and throw two in the fridge. And that still keeps me well under 100rmb and knee-deep in pizza for a couple of days.

Una's Pizza

Speaking of ordering three and throwing two in the fridge, Una's is good if you want to get lots of quality pizza at a bargain. They've got a buy-two-get-one free deal, which comes to like 140rmb-160rmb for three 12 inch pizzas. It's a little pricey but its three meals, so the math checks out.

Here's how you rock that one: the "Healthy" pizza, the "Meat Eater's" pizza, and the "Mexican" pizza, just to keep it interesting. I can also vouch for the "Hawaiian" and the "Four Cheese and Basil," and you can sub out that "Healthy" pizza. It was just for appearance's sake anyways.

A note on the "Mexican": eat it first. You can't really put that one in the fridge. It looks really depressing the next morning, with the cold ground beef and hardened guacamole.

Alexander Pizza

I go with Alexander's when I'm looking for home-style, classy pizza with Italian meats and things. Very tasty. Very good ingredients and the cheese they use is delicious. Great for a mid-week meal. They offer a full range of pizzas with Italian ingredients -- leaves and things like that -- most of which I've never even heard of, but the prices are fair. This is one of those Mealbay restaurants so a good time to order is Saturday when they're giving out free Bacardi Breezers, along with the standard two free cokes.

Being a Mealbay VIP is one of the highest honors I've ever known.

Actually, now that I think of it, this place is a little more expensive in the end (decent options are around 60-70rmb for a large, pre-Mealbay delivery fee), although it's still the cheapest of the classic Italian-style pizza options in Shanghai.

The bad thing about Alexander, as is the case with Una's, is that it closes and they won't be there for you when you really need them at 4am.

The Yellow Submarine

Yellow Submarine is a great place to order from period. The guys on the phone are nice enough to remember who you are, and they don't hold it against you when you fall asleep after ordering at 3am and don't answer the door. It's just straight-up American-style, good-tasting, heavy pizza. It's a little more expensive (a large 12 inch with any amount of toppings is 73rmb), and it's what I like to call my "pay-day pizza."

Best thing about them too is that they never close. Not ever. I've ordered from them at 8am before. I wish for nothing but good things for whoever is running the Yellow Submarine place (open since 1994!) and hope they have all the success in the world.

Melrose

Okay Melrose, we've had our run-ins. Remember when you had me screaming "MEATZAFEAST!" into the phone at the top of my lungs that one time because you couldn't understand what I was saying? Remember that time you delivered my pizza to me, holding the box vertically so the pizza was mashed up into a soup at the small size of the box? Remember when you not once but twice forgot all the toppings I ordered except green peppers? Do you know how gross a pizza is with just green peppers?

But I can't stay mad at you Melrose -- even though sometimes your pizza tastes like it was prepared in the coldest, most inhospitable regions of outer space -- because I respect your tenacity, your ubiquitousness, and you never ever close.

Also, I have an unlimited supply of those "Two Medium Pizzas for 99rmb" coupons, and I will be there to pop one of those in your cold dead hands.

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