Ok ladies,

Now listen carefully. You want that big bling bling? That beach holiday? Or that nice dinner at Jean Georges? Ever wonder why you still haven't gotten it? Well that's because you're always asking!

Come on now, let's be honest. Most men are pretty good about giving gifts. Maybe it's pressure, maybe they feel obligated, maybe it's more natural for men to want to shower their ladies with gifts, coming from that deep generic feeling of men needing to be able to be providers...

But if you think about it, who buys nicer gifts on Valentine's Day? Who spends more time thinking about what to give? And in general, who buys the majority of the gifts in (most) relationships? Guys do.

So maybe its time for us ladies who love our men to show them what they mean to us. To quote John Grey, author of the famous Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, "to men, words are cheap -- and if they're coming from a woman, all too plentiful! What impresses a man is what a person does, not what they say."

You know what your man wants? Trust (oh, this one was a tough one for me with all the baggage I had), acceptance (he's accepted who you are, have you really accepted who he is?), appreciation (he's working his ass off so you can have that beach holiday), admiration (have you told him how much you admire his work ethics?), approval (yeah, he likes his Xbox, and its not hurting anyone), and encouragement (how many times did he tell you about how great you look in that outfit? Or how many times did he tell you that you can do whatever you want because he believes in you?)

Here's some stuff to do for him on Valentine's Day:

1. Don't buy him a membership to a gym.

What? He needs work done? Buy him a suit, and if that's too expensive, a suit jacket.

Get him to put it on in front of you and then it's, "Oh! My! God! You look soooo hot! Wow, you look amazing! I can't believe how good you look! (prrr) can you take me home now, please...."

When my bf puts on a suit (which I picked out, of course) he looks fucking hot! I was almost afraid to let him go out on his own.

2. Take him out on a really nice dinner in some place you'll know he'll actually like.

And on the day tell him, "Happy Valentines babe, but actually this dinner isn't for Valentines day, Valentines was more of an inspiration, it just made me realize how hard you've been working the past couple of months, and how well you've done.

Sorry I didn't notice because I was thinking about myself too much, but now that I think about it, you're REALLY good at what you do."

Now ladies, don't quote me word by word, but you get my point, right? Have you really thought about how hard he works? And what he does?

(Hopefully, you're not with anyone unemployed).

3. Buy yourself a school girl outfit.

I'm not fucking around. School girl = submissive. Teacher = a guide, a wise loyal advisor, a man who knows all. Send the outfit to him by kuaidi.

No better yet, send him a ruler, or a belt, or stick, or whatever in the mail. Or send him a picture of you in the outfit. When he comes home, let him teach you what it's all about. Be his servant. Be submissive. It's all about him, what he needs and what needs to teach you. Ask him to give you a blow job lesson starting from step 1.

It might start off silly but the time you get to step 5, it won't be funny anymore.

4. Guys are very simple.

"I'm a really simple guy, Matsume," as my bf always says.

We're the complicated ones! What does he like? Video games? Buy him an X-box. Already has one? Does he have his Xbox "live setup" so he can play Call of Duty 4 with his buddies back in Paris? Hook it up for him so he just has to come home and pick up the console. Does he always buy cheap sunglasses? By him a real pair! Rayban, Dunhill, you'll be surprised how affordable they are!

And don't you dare think to yourself, "well I'd like a ____ too, maybe he'll like one as well."

WRONG! Guys don't like the same things as we do as much as we'd like to think they do. Guys like accessories to the crap they already have. Hence the Xbox accessories. Is he a DJ? Call up one of his friends or ask a male DJ friend what he would buy himself. Or just in general, I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you had a look at his home entertainment setup and improved on it by getting him a bigger TV.

Men are always looking for more inches.

5. Let's be real here. What do guys enjoy the most? Blowjobs. Blowjobs. Blowjobs.

Give him a coupon for five days of blows jobs. No whining. No complaining. No "I'm tired" excuses. Just five days of BJ's. With no sex in return for you. A nice BJ with a simple, "good night" afterward.

5 DAYS! NO COMPLAINTS. He doesn't have to ask . You just give. Trust me, he'll love it.

***

That's it. I'm drunk and done. If none of the above works, then you're with the wrong person and he or she is expecting too much and it's hopeless.

Good night!

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