Hear Her Giggle

Blind ambition at the Shanghai Barbie Megastore - By Morgan Short, Mar 12, 09

So apparently the opening of the Barbie Megastore represents something. No one is really sure what it's supposed to represent -- maybe something about China's "opening up", something about the rabid commercialism of Shanghai, or maybe something to do with global feminism. Whatever it is, this Barbie store represents something.

Maybe it sets the feminist cause back 70 years, but then also at the same time thrusts it boldly forward 2000 years into the future. Something like that. It's complicated.

Personally, as I am recently a collector of kitch and weird toys, I wanted to check it out to see if I could get some kind of racially insensitive Barbie, or a maybe a just a plain old sexist one to display on my mantelpiece. I was hoping for a funky black rapping Rastafarian Barbie with a little basketball or something, or maybe just a 1950's flight attendant Barbie... something like that. A conversation piece. Socio-political debate aside, I was always more of a My Little Pony kind of girl, as they not only had hair you could brush, but were also HORSES.

Upon arrival to the Barbie Megastore, you will be astounded, baffled, amazed, amused, and then slightly dejected. In that order. All the press is true: it is indeed a giant building dedicated to Barbie worship, replete with lavish displays of Barbies from by-gone eras, thousands of dolls on sale, sexy Barbie clothes and accessories for tots, designer wear for ludicrous adults, a children's reading room, an "image shop", a design and runway area, a chocolate caf��, a spa, and a restaurant. The Barbie Megastore is one of the most absurd places on earth.

The ground floor is the "image shop" and you can take the elevator to the different floors from there, but don't do that. Take the escalator. The escalator ferries visitors up a long pink tube, and the store has installed speakers into the wall that just play the sounds of girls giggling.

Seriously.

Needless to say, the sexual undertones of the pink giggle tube were not lost upon me.

At the top of the escalator is Willy Wonka's Magic Factory if he was slightly more deranged and only cared about Barbie. Music on the stereo is like Ace of Bass on speed, special K, and steroids, and all around you is the pink carnage of five decades of Barbie. The ample displays convey museum-like reverence, Smithsonian-like scientific rigor, and/or jewellery store awe. It is truly too much, and its level of sublime ridiculousness can only be described as Paris Hiltonian. Clear your afternoon.

Prices: the most basic doll in a box is 69rmb. With no accessories. The majority of them come with various girly shite (sparkling wings or something) and are priced around 160 �C 280rmb. I asked one of the store clerks which is the most expensive Barbie in the store. She held up a glowing golden box with a price tag of 1,400rmb.

Of course. It was a Vera Wang Barbie.

Despite her 50 years in the biz (making her the world's most famous MILF, I would imagine), Barbie has adjusted to the Shanghai scene well -- which is to say, they've opened the store before they've even finished the place. As of yesterday it is still a shimmering artifice to the promises they've already made. The spa is not open, nor is the restaurant, and even a few walls need to be painted. The caf�� is open, however. I was looking for alcohol, found none, and left immediately (tea and coffee from 25rmb, chocolates from 10rmb).

I would imagine they're testing the interest of the locals before they go ahead and really get crazy with the whole thing and dump an ass-load of money on it, lest they find themselves in a Marks & Spencer-like quagmire of financial ruin and ineptitude.

All in all, though, it was a good trip. Ten thumbs up. I'm saving my next paycheck for that Vera Wang, and I'll be back for the spa, even though it looks like its run by HAL, the computer from 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Girlz Rock!

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Der

Mar 12, 09

Looking to buy something racially insensitive? Head to your local foodmart to buy some Darlie toothpaste (aka �� black person toothpaste)!

morgan

Mar 12, 09

Darlie is the only brand I brush with. Look at that shine!

108

Mar 12, 09

Nothing beats a vintage Starwars action figure in its original sealed package in mint condition though. Seeing those Barbies triggers fond memories of decapitating my little sisters Barbies when se messed with my Starwars. Needless to say there is no Starwars mega store in Shanghai, so Barbie got her revenge.

funkatudinal

Mar 13, 09

whats up with the overkill there? and Jet Li at the grand opening? does he play with barbie dolls?

lucas78

Mar 13, 09

barbie is dead.

AJD

Mar 13, 09

I love this town

erika7777

Apr 11, 09

really, this is way over the top! it reminds me when i was living in shanghai(beautiful city ever) 2 years ago: I've never understand why the hell chinese cars have snoopy seat covers or kitty stuff all over their cars....but barbie megastore??? a barbie spa???? gotta see it! makes me think does chinese market is really too corny to build them a space dedicated to ridiculousness?? I agree with Morgan, really, it's gotta be something about it...

Lisawilkie

Apr 17, 09

I guess it's a good idea for all the little princesses here in Shanghai, if there had been one when i was young I'd have had all my birthdays there! Guess it all depends how much mummy and daddy want to spent on little girls....

graceseanchang

Aug 27, 09

i was forced to go to this shop with my girl friends and i was bored with in the first five minutes. and i agree, the giggling soundtrack in the escalator is really fkn strange.