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StarDog

Seven inches of odd dog heaven - By Christopher St Cavish, Jul 03, 09

I'm sitting at StarDog yesterday, halfway through eating every single of one of their "Asian Contemporary" fusion dogs. One of my enlisted tasters bolts from the table, and rushes to the bathroom with his mouthful of Bavarian white sausage, toasted sesame seed bun, spicy Japanese fish roe sauce, seaweed strips, and bonito flakes. He comes back, slapping his forearm tattoo of a shadow and a cave and says:

"There exists in this world of men no one true hot dog. The root cause of the variation is usually regional -- Rochester White Hots, Upstate "Michigan" Red Hots, the Queens' kosher dog, deep-fried Jersey pizza dogs -- and yet... and yet...

And yet, we all have in our minds a perfect Platonic Ideal of a hot dog. The one perfect hot dog these endless variations cascade down from. But when does a hot dog become not a hot dog? If you put a bunch of fish eggs on a hot dog, is it still a hot dog? Truly this is a question for the ages."

"What happened in the bathroom?" I asked.

"Aw, nothing. Me and that fish dog just couldn't hang out."

StarDog raises all kinds of questions, both grandly philosophical and deeply personal. At the end of the tasting session, two of the tasters declared The Fish Element their favorite. The philosopher turned to one of them and said, "Man, you're just saying that because you think it makes you look like an interesting guy." For many reasons, but mostly for how divisive the taste, and the whole worldview that the reaction to it reveals, StarDog isn't a good place for a date. Asian Contemporary hot dogs can make for tense moments.

I gang-pressed a veritable Benetton ad of tasters -- German man, Chinese woman, Spaniard, American-Chinese woman, Canadian connoiseur, American snob ¨C and, yesterday, in honor of the Fourth of July, in the interests of fairness after pissing off the owner by calling his shop Fast Food Abuse, because the idea seems like a car crash, and no one can stay away from those, we ate all seven varieties, and a hot dog-related snack. It was a taxing but enjoyable journey, with dramatic ups and downs, occasional surprises, heated argument, and and way, way too much mayonnaise.

The Teriyaki Tempation

(Teriyaki Sauce, Mayo, Fried Onions, Seaweed Strips; 25mb)

This is StarDog's star dog. It was the first one we tried, the favorite of many, and the one the owner was eating for lunch as we left. (Quote: "We see lots of opportunity in the field of hot dogs in Shanghai.") StarDog didn't think of this one. Japadog did, the hot dog stall in Vancouver where this whole crazy idea comes from, and where the Teriyaki Temptation is known as the Terimayo. StarDog's Mighty Miso is Japadog's Misomayo, and their Daikon Deluxe is Japadog's Oroshi. That's ok by us though, if that's what it takes to introduce the Billion Three to the glory of the hot dog. Scalar utilitarianism, you know? There's a few qualitative differences, though, that run throughout all of StarDog's operations. Most importantly, the dog itself, which is not an all-beef frank, as the Terimayo is, nor a turkey smokie, as the Misomayo is, nor a bratwurst as the Oroshi is. Instead, your two choices are the pale Bavarian white sausage and the tanner Vienna Sausage. Vienna is the default, and if you don't specify, that's what you're getting.

In a hot dog, so much is riding on the meat. StarDog¡¯s two choices are both good, with flavor and even a little snap, though they¡¯re not what your average American is going to think of when you say ¡°hot dog¡±. The German felt right at home with these. In later dogs, when the toppings faltered or failed completely, the dog was always there, standing strong, pushing through and holding the whole mess together.

How's the Teriyaki Temptation taste? Like a sausage, with seaweed on top, and excessive amount of mayonnaise. A lot better than expected. Good, even. The bun isn't sweet like Chinese bread, but instead toasty and flecked with sesame seeds. Instead there's a sweetness from fried onions. The seaweed is a bit off-putting at first, but once your mind stretches, it's nice.

There's one disturbing catch to the seaweed on the Teriyaki Temptation, and all the others that involved the shiny, black shreds: if you have arm hair and there's any kind of hallway breeze, the two can combine in a gross manner. Careful.

The Mighty Miso

(Miso Sesame Sauce, Mayo, Leek Strips; 25rmb)

The Mighty Miso is fairly bland. It doesn't have the flash of the Teriyaki Temptation. Besides the cross-hatch patterns of mayo, which StarDog clearly considers as fundamental to the success of any given hot dog (except the Classic), there's just two things going on here: the deep, fermented funk of miso, and leeks. I'm partial to miso and minimalism and after a long wait, whose underlying agenda I suspect was to give us time to settle in to the idea and relax our dogmatic inhibitions, I came to appreciate The Mighty Miso. It's simple and bland and though I guess it's supposed to have a bit more flavor, I appreciated it as a counterpoint to the showy Teriyaki dog. General consensus: "Bland."

The Daikon Deluxe

(Grated Radish, Special Soy Sauce, Spring Onions; 25rmb)

The Daikon Deluxe looks like a dog piled with sauerkraut, tastes only of onions, and alienated a lot of tasters. It's sausage subterfuge that you need a breath mint for afterwards. Two of the more insightful opinions: "Tastes like a Dongbei dumpling" and "It's not a party. It's like going to a cocktail place and getting a beer." Nuff said.

BONUS! The Boogey-Woofey

(Chopped hot dog in a bag with secret condiments. Shake and enjoy!; 15rmb)

Gotta shake it up in the middle there. Break up the hotdogmonotony. Slice up some sausages and toss them in ground cumin, chili pepper, and black pepper. Tastes like a sausage that got into a knife fight in Xinjiang, and definitely a unique thing to be munching on as you walk around the mall.

"What's that you keep pulling out of the nicely-designed bag and munching?"

"Oh, this? Nothing. Just some cumin-flavored hot dog slices."

The Tonkatsu Trick

(Cabbage, Tonkatsu Sauce, Mayo, Bonito Flakes; 25rmb)

The best part of tonkatsu is the fried, and that's what missing from the Tonkatsu Trick. I'm not advocating a deep-fried hot dog, bur rather pointing out that without the crunchy, oily fried bits and assertive Japanese mustard, tonkatsu sauce and mayonnaise take over this game and make it a sweet, sweet mess. Still, about half of the tasters liked it. Taster #3: "Not as good as the Teriyaki dog, but it's helping me embrace the radical Asian fusion updating of the entire hot dog genre."

The Floss Factor

(Pork Floss, Mayo, Fried Onions; 25rmb)

"I can't just throw it under the table?"

"Sneaks up on you and makes you feel sick"

"Disgusting"

"Are we done yet?"

No one liked the Floss Factor.

The Classic

(Ketchup/Mustard/Onions/Relish/Cheese Sauce; 25rmb)

Redemption. It's the only StarDog that has choices. You've got ketchup, mustard, pickle relish, onions, and cheese sauce. Cheese sauce ain't that good, and the neither is the ketchup. But the pickle relish is Heinz, and with a big squirt of mustard, The Classic is as close to traditional hot dog redemption as you can get with a tube of Yurun meat. It's nice, and it doesn't have seaweed or fish flakes or mayonnaise or corn or any of that stuff on it. For 18rmb, with a small drink, it's something I can get into.

The Fish Element

(Spicy Japanese Fish Roe Sauce, Seaweed Strips, Bonito Flakes; 27rmb)

The Fish Element is the last hurdle and greatest test of the tolerance that StarDog demands. It's a final exam that, without the proper mental preparation, without coming to the table with a deep and nuanced understanding of the various social pathways that have long-existed between sushi and hot dogs, and the freedom of thought that that knowledge engenders, ends in a half-chewed mass in a napkin, a trip to the bathroom, or a mild mental scarring. It's revealing. The Fish Element will tell you a lot about your friends. Maybe more than you wanted to know. It tastes like American bastardized sushi, with a toasted bun in place of rice, and the taste of the farm, not the sea. Is it good? Is it bad? Who knows, man? Ask Plato.

StarDog is on the sixth floor of the Channel 1 One Mall, 155 Changshou Lu, near Shaanxi Bei Lu, 400 688 4600.

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