This Top Five serves myriad purposes. To many, it can be a cautionary tale about what happens when idealism goes past its expiration date. For others, perhaps it's an optimistic reaffirmation of the ability to find appreciation, beauty, and connoiseurship at any station in life. For potential DJs, read it two, three, four times and ask yourself if having control over the indie rock playlist is really worth it before you make the leap -- it's the unrelenting underside of the Pool Party Life. It's real. If you're broke, it's a guide. If you're not, it's a Thanksgiving.

Or maybe it's just a list of cheap places and stuff to eat. I dunno.

The following list comes from an anonymous DJ about town.

"My name is DJ Swoopy Tool. I'm an unemployed music depository, and uh, I play at local punk rock clubs, gay bars, and the occasional Tongren Lu prostitute gig. Moved to Shanghai in summer 2008. The first 6 to 7 months I was on unemployment back in America. I had a friend sign my unemployment checks, so I was living a pretty good life. About 1,800 a month, US, then that ran out and I started DJ'ing for money and I've been living off DJ scraps since. I keep a list of dining options under twenty kuai in my walk-able area. Back in [redacted] I used to be organized and I didn't become a loser until I moved to Shanghai. Given 16 hours of free time a day, you have time to think about things like 1972 punk rock playlists and lists of good places to eat around your neighborhood."

"I definitely still have a western taste but it's primarily what ever I can point to and order and so that's the main function of my eating habit. Probably one square meal and various snacks a day."

1. Street Kebabs

"Baozi and xiaolongbao are the standard wake-up staples. But around two hours later -- like 3 or 4pm -- you get hungry. You're not quite ready for a full meal, so that's where the doner kebabs come in. Basically, what they are is Chinese tacos.... You got the cilantro, pepper, and shaved meat similar to a carne asada wrapped in a thin rice patty. The best place -- there's a lot of variation -- but the best place is on Hengshan and Gao'an and it's this lady who sets up from about two to five pm every day. She's definitely got the highest quality meat and tortilla. I've been back and forth because I got food poisoning about three times from these places. Two times from that lady and one time from somewhere else. So I always try to decipher: is it better to get a fresh meat, you know with the meat that is new, or better to get it when it's at the bottom and very overly cooked? Now, I think it's better to get the overly cooked one. I usually wait until [her meat] is about halfway down the stick...

"Basically, what you wanna do when you're shopping for the doner is look at the tortilla. If the tortilla looks like it's been sitting out....

"The best places, like this place on Gao'an, make the tortilla fresh. The lady, you know, she kneads it out and cooks it on a little simmering pan. There's places where they just keep the tortilla, and they're usually too thick or too thin and also you just kinda look at the quality of meats on the spigots. If it's really charred, it means they haven't been selling that much, so you know to stay away..."

Total: "Six kuai. That's pretty standard across the city."

2. Saizeriya

"Saizeriya is Japanese-Italian-western food, is what it is.. It has a pasta, an 11 kuai pasta, and a 13 kuai chicken dinner which is good for most any occasion. The great thing about them is you can get a seafood pasta for 11 kuai, you know, everything under the sea: calamari, shrimp... All just frozen for as long as I've been alive. They have some sausages for seven kuai but I usually just do straight pasta or chicken dinner for 14 kuai. Rice on top of that is another one kuai.

"The thing is, when you take a lady to Saizeriya... Saizeriya are usually too over-packed, but there's one on Nanjing Lu, kind of close to Huangpi Lu, that's underground, lesser known. It's the quiet getaway. If you're taking a lady there, the Nanjing one, near Huangpi is the one you wanna go to... A bottle of wine is 32 kuai there, so if you're really looking for, you know, to take it up a notch..."

Total: 11-15rmb

3. Beer

"Yes, I do count beer as food. Wednesday through Saturday nights I usually go out, so I supersede dinner with just drinks. When I DJ, I drink for free. When I go out, I always bring my own beer. Nothing beats the 4rmb Kedi price. Tips: First, know what type of bottles the bar carries and buy those. Every once in a while you get a beer confiscated but that's the name of the game, my friend. Second, roll with a big bag of bottles, buy one pint glass -- for owning-purposes-- and fill 'er up all night long."

Total: 4rmb

4. Fast Times at Loser High

"Considering I grew up on fast food is it really wrong to crave it? I still like C+C Music Factory even though I know it's not good for me. Subway has the sub of the day. It's 14 kuai and every day there's a new sub. So, Monday is my favorite day -- Tuna Sandwich Day. The most hearty day is Thursday, which is Chicken Breast. You don't want the chicken strip day, the one that's cut into smaller pieces. I think that's Saturday. You want to get the Chicken Breast Day, which is the most hearty. Here's a tip; extra veggies are free so stock up and fill up.

"Burger King, you wanna go for the Whopper, Jr. The Whopper, Jr. is almost as satisfying as the real Whopper in almost every way, but half the price, and -- yep -- that's pretty much the only way to go there. I stay away from McDonald's as much as possible since I'm pretty sure that stuff is not even edible. Whopper, Jr. is 11 kuai."

Total: 11-14rmb

5. Picture Food

"Now when it comes to Picture Food, there is one clear champion: Xinjiang! Hand-tossed noodles of love by the friendliest folks around. I usually pick the potato and beef noodle dish at 14rmb. Our friends aren't stingy with those potatoes and that goes a long way on getting you to the drinking hour.

Of course, man can't live on Xinjiang alone. My favorite street for Picture Food is Dingxi Lu, near Yan'an Lu. About five or six spots have affordable wall menus."

Total: 14rmb

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