2009: WORST Flyers
By Morgan Short, Dec 16th, 2009 | In Nightlife
SmartShanghai posted 1,914 events in 2009. All of them fucking dire. Here's the worst flyers of the lot. We were looking for two distinct types of bad flyers. Those that are generally just bad and cause us displeasure to look at, and those that are so bad -- so, so bad -- that they spiral downwards into awesome and explode into our faces like a supernova of Christmas miracles. These cause us great pleasure to look at, we commend their artisans, and they should accept their inclusion herein as a compliment of the profoundest caliber.
Let the hate wash down over you like a healing tide. And feel free to let that hate fly in the comments section. It's Christmas.
Jun. 18: Acid Pony Club @ LOgO
Might as well get this one out of the way. We all knew it was coming. The great thing about this flyer is that they let you know that the DJ is from France. Because if three-way bestiality salad tossing doesn’t sell you on the party, well, hey, the DJ is from France so check it out.
Various: Acid Pony Club @ Everywhere
And another one from the Pony Boys. This is the one they send over when they haven’t gotten around to doing a specific flyer for their upcoming party. It's their all-purpose image. This is just sort of an indication of the general state of things when the Acid Pony Boys are playing.
Jun. 9: MEDITERRANEAN FENOMENO @ Club Two Recreation
SPAIIN!!! SPAIN! SPAIN! SPAIN SPPPPAAAAIINNN!!11!!1!!!
Jan 25: Spank @ MAO
I'm sure if I grew up in Italy I would understand. I didn't and I don't. Dec. 12: Exclusive Fridays @ Club MT5
This chick looks like she was photo-shopped with napalm. Apr. 18: ATFC Asia Tour @ De La Coast
When you're 45 the camera is not your friend anymore. It's time to step back a bit guy. Wednesdays: Ladies Night @ Zeal
I think they sent over their first draft by mistake, but you can tell they’re working on something really huge here. Anyways, it's great insight into the creative process. It's like watching Einstein think.
May 8: Komi Emperor @ Club Love
This guy may be the "most popular Togolese rapper", but I'm the world's greatest basketball player out of all the people who happen to be sitting in this chair right now.
Jun. 8: HOLLYWOOD AMERICA @ Club Two Recreation
When you do parties for the Russian mafia in crazy Chinese clubs, you have to give them exactly what they want of they’ll break every bone in your body with a sledgehammer and burn your family to the ground.
Before long though, you've got an event with one of the kids from Soul Asylum's "Runaway Train" video in a Supergirl outfit, some guy dressed like a storm trooper, and it’s "Crazy Yuri's Saturday Bash."
Downside is that you gotta chug vodka with Yuri every time he wants you to or your head will end up in a vice and he'll shoot you with a nail gun. Upside is you got your choice of fur coats off the rack in the back, and you’re welcome to a Playstation or two off the flatbed truck parked around the side.
Wednesadays: Bad Girls Night @ DKD
You're about 20 million miles from sexy when you appear to be falling over with a serious blood circulation problem and they've got you dispelling the party information out your ass as you go down.Aug. 15: Linkin Park @ Shanghai Stadium
This flyer is shit because Linkin Park is just all over it. Tuesdays: Salsa Special @ Muse Park 97
This flyer has a guy strangling a girl to death in space. It's a salsa party.Wednesdays @ Red Beat
Wack.
Jan 17: Russian Elit @ Lounge18
I hope that after this chick posed for this picture she was granted her freedom.Wednesdays: Ladies Night @ Cookie
It's about time someone started catering to guys with fetishes for 3-inch chicks from Lilliput. Thursdays: The Magic @ Sky
Every time I look at this one I can't help but smile. Is it the sly reworking of the Orlando Magic logo? Is it the thumb ring? Is it the absurdly serious and intricate wand?
It's probably everything.
Magic!
Jan. 17: DJ Kamikaze @ M1NT
When you're Germany's "Number One Mash-Up DJ," you’re schedule is pretty tight and you basically don’t have time for this shit. The organizers are pretty lucky they got this shot when they did, because he's just putting his jacket on and he's out the door to do a DJ a gig on some yacht off the coast of Dubai and do mad rails off the asses of super models.
“Take your picture. I'ma bounce.”
Don’t Know: Mattia’s Leaving @ Club MAO
Mattia! We will miss you! See you in September!
You have to give it up to Mattia. He took the burn last year of being included on the "Worst of" list and answered back with both barrels with this little gem here. Wow. The mystery of "what the red line is" pales in comparison with the mystery of who the lucky guy is on the business end of Mattia, greatest manager in the history of Club MAO.
Salute, my friend! Salute! Safe travels wherever you may be. You win. You win.
You are the Roberto fucking Baggio of bad flyers!
2010 Hall of Fame Inductee: Italo Disco/Ferrari Party @ Shanghai Studio
This year's inductee into the "Worst Flyers" hall of fame -- joining Jeff from ILS, lest we forget -- is the indefatigable Mr. DJ Sacco, who consistently and resolutely offered up the finest flyers of the year for his Italo Disco,
He went hard, fast, and deep with a central theme: Rough trade.
Awesome bad? Awesome good? By whose definition? What is art? Why are we here? Is there a god? Are these guys going to be at the party?
Feast your eyes.
My favorite is the very last one, in which the gentleman appears to be perched into a very inconveniently placed glory hole.
Okay everyone, you have a great holiday! Let's do this! I love you! Kiss kiss!
Hassle free ticket purchasing and delivery for Shanghai's cultural and concert events:
seachick, Dec 16th, 2009
OMG!!! this is sooooo funny!!!hey! Mattia! i thot u left last yr already?!
Andy Best, Dec 16th, 2009
Linkin Park. Yes, it is shit for that exact reason. The ultimate "I'm so dark and you will never understand me" band.Everytime Mike Shinoda 'raps' by saying a couple of lines in a yo, yo, yo voice, I want to kill myself. But not before telling everyone that I may do it one day because I'm so dark and you all don't understand.
Seb Morris, Dec 17th, 2009
AcidSeb Morris, Dec 17th, 2009
PonySeb Morris, Dec 17th, 2009
Clubdjsexypaul, Dec 17th, 2009
is it"self proclaimed" as Germanys Number One Mash Up Dj ??
ClementPony, Dec 17th, 2009
thx to Panda crew and Naia for the original drawings!!Seb Morris, Dec 17th, 2009
What about the Arka at 1933 flyer? It just came out but it is still technically 2009 so it should be in the competition.It has to be the ugliest flyer ever made, and the (nearly impossible to read) text is simply priceless!
"Chinese and laowai, sexy bitches and hipsters from the underground!!!"
Can't wait to see the "5000 revelers" they are promising
Seb Morris, Dec 17th, 2009
I didn't make that up!!!http://www.smartshanghai.com/event/10514
alice264, Dec 17th, 2009
The "three-way bestiality salad tossing" pony flyer is the only flyer i remember from the whole of 2009... GENIUS!!!michiamocookie, Dec 17th, 2009
thanks...so funny...:)...i want to see more...plssssssssssss!!!...Nedved, Dec 18th, 2009
After a quick skim scan I've come to the swift conclusion 'worst of' lists micturate all over 'best of' lists. More spite please.hufdisko, Dec 18th, 2009
@NedvedThat is because all flyers for all Shanghai events are always bad. It's a trademark and the city (or should I say 'da scene') should be proud of it. For what else?
Stewie Griffin, Dec 18th, 2009
i don't know if i'm more proud to be in this section or in best flyers...cuzzin, Dec 19th, 2009
Gotta love the 'Exclusive Fridays' (yeah...hello) atMT5 flyer. Where to begin? First of all MT5? Where? Inside Shanghai Stadium? DJ's Toki & Cherry from Berlin (and nowhere else, trust me)? Professional Pool dancers (they have a pool too?)Electro House, RnB, AND Hip Hop all under one roof??? The fist...the barbed wire?That's a lotta bad for one little flyer!!
buckwurst, Dec 19th, 2009
Acid Pony Club rules.... they're in a class all of their own, and it doesn't begin with "Worst...."Denis., Dec 19th, 2009
that is definitely the worst banner with the a.t.f.c. name on i've ever seen)komi emperor has titled dj kamikaze the best german mash-up dj because kamikaze has opened up and admitted that komi was maybe one of the best togolese rappers he had ever heard of. it's obvious!) Shanghai...)
Kiwib, Dec 21st, 2009
Lol - Linkin Park really do SuckStefan.Hensel, Dec 24th, 2009
"that is definitely the worst banner with the a.t.f.c. name on i've ever seen)
komi emperor has titled dj kamikaze the best german mash-up dj because kamikaze has opened up and admitted that komi was maybe one of the best togolese rappers he had ever heard of. it's obvious!) Shanghai...)"
and what does "a.t.f.c" mean?
PUDDING!TIME, Dec 28th, 2009
Nedved nailed this one on the head, and it was such a good point that I’d like to elaborate a bit.Far from being the “WORST”, this list of in-YO-face-face creative work should be re-titled “RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME”, and the so-called “BEST” list should be re-titled, “JUST OK”.
And a note to the author:
Dear Morgan & nameless SmSh graphic designer -
My first reaction was to go wild criticizing your classification & comments but then I realized that maybe you were just confused. So let us review: in your introduction for the “worst flyers”, your description is as follows (and I’ve capitalized YOUR key words for emphasis):
“[the worst flyers] spiral downwards into AWESOME and EXPLODE into our faces like a supernova of Christmas MIRACLES. These cause us great PLEASURE to look at, we commend their artisans, and they should accept their inclusion herein as a compliment of the profoundest caliber”
Wow…agreed. Exactly what I thought! Not only do these flyers give us pleasure to look at, but do just what every effective party flyer is DESIGNED to do, which is the following:
A. Catch your eye and make you say, “WHA!?”
B. Tell you WHY you should care (ex. magic, bad girls, spanking, etc.)
C. Direct your eye to WHEN & WHERE you should show up
For the “best flyers”, your description is as follows:
“Hey, that looks PRETTY GOOD” and “Basically, I was looking for anything MILDLY AMUSING and [the SmSh graphic designer] was looking for NICE designs”
Yup… that pretty much sums it up! These pictures are swell and pretty alright. And then moving on to the actual PARTY being promoted, a couple of questions come to mind…
What will happen at this PARTY? Will aliens attack me? Am I going to an imaginary BANANAS party? Will a dark cloud hover over my head as I wander through a sepia-toned landscape? Do I want to see Tom Selleck naked?
I’m not sure, but what I DO know is that the next party I choose to go to, I’d like to go to an AWESOME party that is so awesome it EXPLODES in my face like a supernova of Christmas MIRACLES and gives me Mmmm….PLEASURE.
Right?
So I’m just sayin’… you called it Morgan! Except I think you accidentally switched the titles. AND I think what you meant to say is not: “the HATE will set you free” but “my HATE will set ME free”.
Fair enough, you’re entitled to your opinion & beliefs, but next time just make it clear that you are talking about YOU, not me. And luckily your hate is expressed in 10-point b&w type so it was easy for me to IGNORE as I enjoyed the lovely party flyers you selected.
Thanks again for the great pictures and I hope I could help to clear up the confusion!
/ / / P U D D I N G ! T I M E
EricC, Jan 18th, 2010
Because if three-way bestiality salad tossing doesn’t sell you on the party, well, hey, the DJ is from France so check it out.gfunk, Apr 9th, 2010
Thanks for setting the record straight, PuddingTime! These really are the best flyers! Ever!Gee, I hope I'm never fooled again by haters like Morgan. He's a meanie.
makeshi, Apr 23rd, 2010
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