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And Then There Were None: Last Windows Closes Tonight

By May 21, 2020 Nightlife

TELL EVERYONE

Less than a week after we found out that Scoreboard had closed, the inevitable happened: Windows' final outpost, Windows Garage, is closing tonight. Yeah. Announced in a WeChat post from the Windows Official account, which came alive for the first time since Halloween just to let us know that the other shoe has finally dropped. Why? Pandemic? Or Perry's. Who knows. The post includes no other information. Not even if there's going to be any free booze.

*

That's the end of the Windows Nation. SmartWindows.com is shutting down. The green machine grinds to a halt.

Stop the clock at 20(ish) years—earliest written records found in a plastic baggie behind a toilet on Maoming Lu suggest there was a Windows across from the Portman as far back as 1999. 20(ish) years of cheap beer, cheap quesadillas, cheap burgers, free shots (hundreds of thousands of free shots), some live music, some pool tables, some beer pong, a lot of drugs, carnage and ill-advised sex. 20(ish) booze-ravaged years of egalitarian self-harm, unrivaled in the city for its ability to get both ruddy-faced petrochemical consultants and pimple-faced high schoolers equally blotto off free flow Tiger.





There was Tembo. There was Too. There was Scoreboard. There was Parkside. There was, for a brief, brief second, Times on the Bund. What a heady time, 2018 was. The world seemed so full of potential, so rife with opportunities to pass out in a pool of your own vomit under the lights of the Lujiazui skyline.





Alas. Tembo closed, Parkside closed, Too closed, Times closed, Scoreboard closed, and now Garage will too. Underground? Garage? Underground. Right, it's Garage again. Just in time for closing.

I missed the Windows heyday. Sometime around 2010, I guess? I didn't upchuck all over a bathroom stall at Scoreboard until like 2016, 2015 at the earliest. I'd hear old-timers speak fondly about the Windows of yore (usually at another, better bar), laughing about Matt's playlist, and I'd laugh along, but inside I'd be wondering who the fuck Matt was. Who knows! Matt's true identity has been lost to history. As Windows will be. Like an old pipe or a dirty magazine you inherited from a relative and then forgot about. Good times wrapped in that, probably, but who cares, we've got our own ways to debauch! Then one day you're like "whatever happened to Uncle Moe's crusty old '97 Sports Illustrated?" Hey kid! It's gone. You lost it.

It's over. There's no more free flow beer. The free flow beer is done. We called, and they won't even tell us if they're going to have one last free-flow tonight. Just for old time's sake. Dark times indeed.

But just in case they do, it starts at 7pm.

TELL EVERYONE

1 comments.

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  • 13 days ago Donny Who Loved Bowling Unverified User

    The original Windows was in the Russian Exhibition Center parking lot across from the Portman opened in 1999 by George and wing man Alago. Its true heyday was probably 2000-2006. When Coolio made a film called China Strike Force back in 2000 it was his favorite place to tribe.

    Then the debauched arrived....

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