L'Oreal has decided that it's not hip enough in China. An on-the-spot survey of one young lady with exquisite hair confirmed that L'Oreal is profoundly unhip. It's no Coco Chanel.
"We're hip!" screeches L'Oreal, as it throws up a vending machine "secret" door you open by scanning your Taobao account, or just slipping in with the delivery guy. "Speakeasies are hip! Nightclubs are hip!"
Up an admittedly cool redone elevator that makes it look like a corridor has come unshackled from the bonds of gravity, and through the Willy Wonka Tunnel of Make-Up Bottles, you reach…
No. 28 Secret Bar By L'Oreal PARIS. Sweet Orioles they went all out. This is the most photogenic I've seen this space, and I'm including the Kick The Gong Around thing back in 2016.
Check out this throne, where they crown the Yass Queen of Makeup.
Here's a phonebooth where spokeslady Dilraba Dilmurat can whisper sweet endorsements into your ear direct from her boudoir.
And there's a bar! Where they serve orange juice and cherry syrup from a shaker because we went before 7pm when they actually start serving booze.
They provide IV-drip stands with phone chargers included. Genuine lifelines. If your selfie box ran out of battery in here it'd be a death sentence. The meaninglessness of your existence would crush you into a single point before winking out entirely.
All this to promote anti-aging sorcery juice REVITALIFT, which has probably been described by experts as "firming, fulfilling, and replumping," and, judging by these counter-top installations, is 98% kidney beans.
If you aren't cursed with wrinkles (yet, you little hussy), there's a bank of vending machines for testers of other products like their lipstick line. I was dismayed when I accidentally purchased the muted Beige Sienna Color Riche Moist Lipstick instead of the bold "fuck-me" Viva Red I had my eye on. However, I was pleasantly surprised by the more subdued, elegant goddess it brought out, a 'me' who would demand a decent bottle of Moscato d'Asti before taking things upstairs.
You're right, L'Oreal! I am worth it.
No. 28 Secret Hidden Revitalift L'Oreal Speakeasy Club Bar Lounge by L'Oreal PARIS is on at 1933 Slaughterhouse until September 9, from 2-10pm. Live DJ (and alcohol) starts at 7pm. You get one drink coupon and a 7-day booster pack of REVITALIFT upon entry.