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L'Oreal Set Up a Nightclub Inside a Slaughterhouse
By Sep 6, 2018 Shopping
The cosmetics giant has thrown up an absurd 8-day neon-and-black-velvet hidden club/lounge/bar/branding stunt in 1933 Slaughterhouse up in Hongkou. It's millennial #AF which is why it's weird that it's promoting an anti-aging formula. We went down to see how we could buttress our baby cheeks against the ravages of time.

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L'Oreal has decided that it's not hip enough in China. An on-the-spot survey of one young lady with exquisite hair confirmed that L'Oreal is profoundly unhip. It's no Coco Chanel.

L'Oreal

"We're hip!" screeches L'Oreal, as it throws up a vending machine "secret" door you open by scanning your Taobao account, or just slipping in with the delivery guy. "Speakeasies are hip! Nightclubs are hip!"

Up an admittedly cool redone elevator that makes it look like a corridor has come unshackled from the bonds of gravity, and through the Willy Wonka Tunnel of Make-Up Bottles, you reach…

L'Oreal

L'Oreal

L'Oreal

No. 28 Secret Bar By L'Oreal PARIS. Sweet Orioles they went all out. This is the most photogenic I've seen this space, and I'm including the Kick The Gong Around thing back in 2016.

L'Oreal

Check out this throne, where they crown the Yass Queen of Makeup.

L'Oreal

Here's a phonebooth where spokeslady Dilraba Dilmurat can whisper sweet endorsements into your ear direct from her boudoir.

L'Oreal

And there's a bar! Where they serve orange juice and cherry syrup from a shaker because we went before 7pm when they actually start serving booze.

L'Oreal

We call this one "Just Orange Juice"


They provide IV-drip stands with phone chargers included. Genuine lifelines. If your selfie box ran out of battery in here it'd be a death sentence. The meaninglessness of your existence would crush you into a single point before winking out entirely.

L'Oreal

L'Oreal

All this to promote anti-aging sorcery juice REVITALIFT, which has probably been described by experts as "firming, fulfilling, and replumping," and, judging by these counter-top installations, is 98% kidney beans.

L'Oreal

L'Oreal

If you aren't cursed with wrinkles (yet, you little hussy), there's a bank of vending machines for testers of other products like their lipstick line. I was dismayed when I accidentally purchased the muted Beige Sienna Color Riche Moist Lipstick instead of the bold "fuck-me" Viva Red I had my eye on. However, I was pleasantly surprised by the more subdued, elegant goddess it brought out, a 'me' who would demand a decent bottle of Moscato d'Asti before taking things upstairs.

L'Oreal

You're right, L'Oreal! I am worth it.

L'Oreal

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No. 28 Secret Hidden Revitalift L'Oreal Speakeasy Club Bar Lounge by L'Oreal PARIS is on at 1933 Slaughterhouse until September 9, from 2-10pm. Live DJ (and alcohol) starts at 7pm. You get one drink coupon and a 7-day booster pack of REVITALIFT upon entry.

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