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Fanni's Hotline - New Love, Old Toys
Jun 5, 2015
"My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months now. He has sex toys that we use during sex and it's great, but I'm kinda grossed out when I think about the other vaginas they've been in. Is it out of line for me to say we get new ones?"



Let's be clear about nature of these sex stuffs. If these are topical -- handcuffs, oils, nudie vids -- fair game. I'm of the sect that with the proper choreography and safety precautions, any inanimate object can be used to spark foreplay. With the risk of bringing you some envy waves, let's think this through. His ex or exes have probably been in proximity of most of your guys' possessions, including the bed you two sleep in. No attachment. Don't focus on the belt he slaps your ass with. He's only focused on that ass.

BUT! If we are talking about invasive fuck weapons, let's enter (yes pun) another realm of WTFery. Have a seat. This brings me into my not so recent past, (this shit is too real) of buying sex-hancing devices with my then-partner. After we split, it was a custody battle for who gets to keep pink Federico. I won the toaster oven so Fede–monster sleeps in my ex's sock drawer. Maybe cold, maybe lonely, but probably up in some bitch. For fun, let's just think of this as passive revenge. I'll spare you the hygienic realness with the note that I've staked my motherfucking claim on this fancy egg beater.

You don't even want to see him wear a sweater his ex gave him or see her in his Instagram archive. Why the fuck are you gonna let some second-hand sex souvenirs up in your blossom? Your vagina is not a consignment shop and it deserves all things fresh and new. These personal goods are very personal and it's time you both moved on. While there is nothing more heartbreaking than a trash-bin-craddled dildo, there's no need to absorb that, ahem, energy.

Now, of course, you should be transparent about this plot. Tell the kid that if he wants to probe you with anything other than himself, it needs to be something you both choose. Make a day trip out of it. Really, subjecting your significant other to awkward adult-store situations is the stuff of dreams. I suggest getting day drunk and giggly. It's like roleplaying with a bunch of strangers in a LED lit bedroom. How could he possibly object?

Although you do run the risk of him feeling some type'a way, a casual mention of "blah blah blah relationships, feelings, hand-holding-understanding" and he's sure to drop the subject and cave. After all, he's getting mad poon out of this. Remind him we ARE still talking about sex here. Sex that you want to do on him. If he can’t compromise and proves to be a robo-dick himself, drop him in the same strap-on laden trash bin. He seems like he treats objects like women anyway.

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