I've never been to Disneyland before. Any Disneylands. This was my first time. Gotta say this at the start because some people are very serious about this and I've got to qualify my position. Which is ignorance.

First startling thing: Everyone kept saying "Have a MAGICAL day."

Which is... yeah. I admit. Really absolutely delightful.

So! Disneyland. Disney Resort. Toy Story LAND! A whole new land, in amongst lands! It's magical and sprawling, this place! So many lands with so many themes! It's like playing Risk with Andrew Lloyd Webber!

Newly opened at the end of April 2018, this is Toy Story Land:

















They say!

"Based on the Disney·Pixar film series, Shanghai Disneyland's seventh themed land is a high-spirited, colorful world where guests will feel as if they've been shrunk down to the size of their favorite Toy Story toys.

Woody, Buzz and their Toy Story pals come to life and play in this fully immersive land, which features three new attractions: Slinky Dog Spin, Rex's Racer and Woody's Roundup. Guests can also interact with their favorite characters at Meeting Post, shop at Al's Toy Barn and dine at the Toy Box Café."

Very true. That all exists.

So, Toy Story Land is like it's own little hamlet in the larger Disney Land Resort place, which also includes The Pirates of the Caribbean, Gardens of Imagination, Tomorrowland AKA THE TRON RIDE, Fantasyland, The Avengers Movie Is Coming Out, Closed Star Wars Exhibition, and Yangshuo.

Toy Story Land has more of a clear and defined target age than the rest of it — like children aged 6 to 40 or so — and it's quite a bit smaller. It's three rides, a place to buy lots of keychains, some restaurants, and lots of things that in articles of other genres I would call "installation pieces".









Pixar-and-Disney-present-Toy-Story-Land is manically pristine, aggravatingly jubilant, and kinda great overall? I wanna say? In general, it's a pretty great place. So many great shops! Toy Story Land ticks off all the boxes to reference the movies. All your old pals are there. Like that guy and that guy. Oh look, it's that guy! All the characters are represented. The smoking section is on the left when you walk in.



The rest of Disney Resort is super involved and winding, and full of lines to get into canoes? What? Serious? To Treasure Island or something? Johnny Depp? Why are you lining up? It's massive. Toy Story Land is compact and manageable. It's two, heart-warming low-key rides for new dads and new small children. And then one ride which looked terrifying called "Rex's Racer", which looked like it was built for terrifying Californian teen bullies from the ‘80s with bleached blond hair whose parents got divorced when they were like friggin 11 or something.



I didn't go on the rides. There's lines and then some inscrutable "fast track" thing. I don't know. The entrances to all the rides looked like that scene in a '90s disaster movie when the entire city is trying to evacuate from an impending comet impact via one single bridge. Where is the Negroni booth, I was wondering? Honestly, I basically used up all my WeChat steps for the day just getting into the place. That experience itself was a ride.

Let's move right into to the dining options which are pretty hilarious. This is a pizza shaped like that alien guy thing from the movies.



It tasted like a pizza shaped like that alien guy from the movies.

And this is a sweet potato with some melted marshmallow or something.



Kind of looks like what an insane asylum from the 18th century would serve. But like a classy, playfully irreverent Michelin-starred one.



Toy Story Land! If you've got kids that like the movies check it out? It's good. It's on the right when you walk in.

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Oh?

Still here?

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Yes I met Woody and Jessie!



They were lovely!

And Captain America!



Who had sweet fuck-all to say about this whole Iran mess!

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Shanghai Disney Resort (and therefore Toy Story Land) is located at the Disney Resort Metro station on Line 11.