You know what, screw Canada Day. All those freeloaders are gonna do is pound Moosehead and listen to Drake and Broken Social Scene. Fucking overrated acts if there ever were some. I went to Canada once and it was exactly like that Chuggo music video:



It's Freedom-guo's birthday on Saturday, baby. That's right, the home of the predator drones, house music (you're welcome, Lola), obesity, and fireworks accidents. Just search for "fireworks accidents" on Google images if you're ever having a bad day. Here's how people are celebrating July 4th in Shanghai.

AmCham Independence Day Celebration @ Sofitel Shanghai Sheshan Oriental

Starting off with the official shiz, the American Chamber Of Commerce is throwing down in Songjiang for the big 239th birthday. They've got BBQ with burgers and dogs, a watermelon eating contest, a sack race, and cold beers. This is a family friendly one, with activities to keep kids distracted and plus an indoor, air-conditioned play room. Studio 188 are bringing the live music. Tickets are 250rmb for non-AmCham members, 150rmb for members, 100rmb for kids ages 4-12, and kids under three are free. Each ticket comes with a bag, one drink and one food voucher. Ticketing is a bit complicated, and requires filling out a form (just like at the DMV), then bring the printed form to the AmCham office to pick up tickets and vouchers. More info on their website here. Goes from 3–8pm.

July 4th Bash On The Bund @ Bubba's (Cool Docks)

If the recent BBQ Cookoff is any indication, this place will look like god damn Monday Night Raw x Super Bowl Sunday. Expect people wearin' overalls and drunkin till they is drunk. They also have guest vendors like Ruijin Cajun and Strictly Cookies, and deals on Tito's vodka from Texas. Starts at noon.

1LVSH: Summer On Smash @ Bund Beach

Just down the street from Bubba's, you've got some non-Americans throwing one of the most hype July 4th parties. For this daytime beach party, they've got volleyball, slip n slides, water fights, and lots of music. DJs and live acts include B-Kut, Victor Aime, Donn, Tsunano, Esa, AllanWolf, MC PQ, and Busy Gang (Live), so a bunch of hip hop and a bit of house (you're welcome). Starts at 11am and goes until midnight. Cover is 120rmb including a drink, or 100rmb with a drink for people following oneloveshanghai on WeChat.

Boom Boom Fireworks @ Boom Boom Bagels

Lil' free booze deal on Anfu Lu right here. Boom Boom Bagels is giving away free pints of Kentucky Ale from noon-4pm, giving prizes away to the "Best Dressed Amurican", throwing water balloons, and lighting sparklers when night falls. They've got bagels, apple pie, and more beer for purchase, too. Runs from noon-10pm. No cover.

Fourth Of July Pub Crawl @ Bar Gatsby

Throwing freedom in your motherfucking FACE and spreading it around like napalm on a pub crawl bus to three bars, and ending at club forget. Shots on arrival, shots on the bus, and drink deals at three bars means lots of "America -- Fuck Yea's" and general debauchery in the name of patriotism. Tickets are 200rmb pre-sale or 250rmb at the door. Meeting point is Bar Gatsby at 9pm.

Fourth of July Toga Party & BBQ @ Boxing Cat (Yongfu)

Sup to all the frat bros holding down the finance sector. Boxing Cat on Fuxing Lu is celebrating America's Independence Day with a little toga party. They've got BBQ meats from 25rmb, and people can opt in for free-flow drinks for 150rmb. Any free-flow event at Boxing Cat is deadly business. That's on from 5-10pm.

We Love / Hate USA: Apocalypse Party @ Inferno

Celebrating the many, many reasons to love and hate America, Shanghai's only heavy metal bar is bringing in bands The Psyders (surf rock), Smoking Area (heavy psychedelia), and Must Be Red (all-girl hard core), along with performances by burlesque girls and comedians from the Shanghai Tickler team. Party ends with indie punk by DJ Madame Jen. Bonus fireworks at midnight. Starts at 9pm and goes til late, with a 60rmb cover.

Independence Day Jazz Celebration @ Heyday

Jazz -- you're welcome for that, too. Heyday, that Tai'an Lu throwback to '20s / '30s glamour, honors America with singers Sandra Kay and Jade Lee, plus backup from the Heyday Trio. Anyone who tells the bartender "No taxation without representation" gets a present. No cover for bar seating / standing room. Starts at 9.30pm.

Fourth of July Celebration @ POP

For a lil' French re-re-reeeeeeemix of American culture, POP American Brasserie is celebrating with a "festive menu" -- barbecue, oysters, and wine. The party goes all day into the night with a DJ and performers. Lucky draws Raffles and other "surprises" throughout the day, too. That's from 11am-11pm. Nice spot to watch the sunset on the Bund. No cover or reservations needed.

Sweatshop Pres. Siesta Loca with Dave Owen @ Shelter

Finally, a bit of the Drum & Bass. Now here's a genre I just can't understand why Americans didn't steal from the UK and vastly improve on, like they did with Dubstep. What makes this one American is the headliner Dave Owen, comin' straight out of the fine, fine state that is Indiana. This man absolutely destroyed Shelter when he played last year, and it's Siesta's birthday…looks big. Starts at 10pm and goes late. Cover is 30rmb before midnight, and 50rmb after.

And yeah there's probably like five techno parties with crowds of 15–20 people around town. Techno -- you're welcome for that. There's only one bad thing about July 4, 2015 in Shanghai -- no Rocky Ross party this year. Now that's a true American hero.

More July 4th parties and deals right here