The Beijing branch of the Madame Tussaud's wax emporium of pop culture celebrity and political clout opened last weekend in Qianmen Dajie pedestrian street, and, yes indeed, you can go and check it out if you want. It boasts eight different sections of waxy celebrity photo ops -- sports heroes, Jackie Chan, movie stars, science and technology bros, the Jackie Chan section, royalty types, world leaders, Jackie Chan, randos, and -- exclusive only to the Beijing branch -- a "Spirit of China" section, which offers a veritable who-the-fuck-is-that of Chinese leaders, entertainment figures, and political icons. Yes! Just the details: The map and address is right here. It's open daily from 10am to 9pm, with the last entry tickets available until 8pm. Adults, 170rmb. Students, 120rmb. Kids, 110rmb. *** Take my hand, gentle reader, and join me on a virtual tour of Madame Tussaud's Beijing! It'll be like you're almost there yourself, almost meeting some almost people in almost real life! Makes your head spin... Entrance way... do you have your cell phone cameras charged up? Are you ready to take a bunch of naff photos of celebrities and things? Are you ready to have a new Facebook profile photo? Here's the first guy who meets you in the first section. This is...hey, it's this guy. Yeah, man. I'm blanking on it. Feel like I'm losing a pie question in Trivial Pursuit. I don't know. But he's very life-like. That "uncanny valley" feeling hits you immediately in that first room, as you're dumped in this area with all these figures that are almost but not quite human. It's kind of exhilarating and unsettling. You're always looking over your shoulder like oh shit somebody's creepin' on me! And then it happens to be this guy. Which is... this is... oh, you know... he's a famous guy. So each figure has their own little section inspired by their claim to fame. This gentleman invented the warp coil, which facilitated interstellar space travel for the first time ever, and enabled humans to make contact with the Vulcans for the first time. And here is a lovely looking volleyball player. High five! It's like he's being left hanging on that high five for all eternity. Kind of sad really... Okay, now we're getting into it. Political world leaders and royalty types. For these, the exhibits are set up so you can get your photo taken with them on overhead cameras, and then buy those at the end of the tour. "You'll never guess who I'm with RIGHT NOW!" Way to be a buzzkill, Mandela. She's calling in an airstrike on Beijing Primary School No. 4. SEND THE NUKES. ULTIMATE PUTIN SELFIE. Don't look now! Capitalism! Even in wax form, he's just kind of mystified by the whole thing. Where's your revolution now, Karl! For some reason, Putin gets multimedia representation. Here he is blessing a small Buddhist child. And here he is with different Buddhists, dressed like Steven Seagal about to exact some very swift and righteous justice. You bet your ass it does. Up next, they've got a pretty involved display on Madame Tussaud herself, and her history of laying it down on wax since the late 18th century. This is her with a head because DAMN, I guess that's the way she used to do it. Truer words were never spoken. So poignant. Tools of the trade... Something to do with carbon freezing? I don't know. Also in this section, you have the option of making a little wax sculpture of your own hand! 58rmb for one 88 for two! There's a bunch of different colors and you can do any pose you want. Some of us went for the low hanging fruit in that regard... And then you get to carry that shit around with you for the rest of the afternoon! Up next! Sports celebrities! Here's Soccer McGee... Tennis McTennisplayer... Bobby McBadmintonguy... And assorted basketballers! Hmm... Some sort of shot put Olympian? Oh, that's just an ayi... NVM. Hooray for sports! Popstars! Line 'em up. Smell my finger. Smells like I'm really conflicted right now. Here's post apocalypse Lady G... ...and this bro, doing that thing he does. I was THIS CLOSE to wearing the same dress. Phew... For the pop stars section, they've actually got little bits of costume for you to wear whilst you get your photo taken with whoever. And then it's full on movie stars into the gift shop... My camera ran out of juice heading into the Hollywood mega-star section but it was like Brad Pitt, Inception Leo, Titanic actress, George Clooney chillaxing on a couch, undressing you with his eyes, and miscellaneous. You've seen them all before. After that, it's a gift shop with various bullshit that's totally worth it and Steve Jobs leading you to a side exit out onto the street like you're at the end of a carnival ride. That's it! 170rmb. Worth the ride? You decide! Crowds were pretty light, but we went during a weekday and during working hours. Might be a bit crowded on the weekends, at least for the next few weeks. Wax on, wax off... here's the address info again. And here's the official Beijing Madame Tussaud's page. *