Beijing got a big ole Christmas present at the end of December last year in the form of the Ice World Sports Land, a winter sports complex roundly touted as hosting "Asia's largest skating rink". Capacity is reportedly 900 skaters, accommodated in two separate but connected skating areas. Ice World's opening comes as part of an organized effort to promote winter sports in China, and specifically in Beijing, which is increasingly looking to be the likely host of the Winter Olympics in 2022. But is it rad or shit or what? SmBj waited 'til the huge opening rush subsided a bit and then went down to check it out. Strap on your skates, Gordie! You're goin' in... If you'd like a little musical accompaniment to this little tour of Ice World Sports Land, here's Canada's most dapper don, Don Cherry, rappin' some "Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em". It's interminable! "He could dangle he could score, who else it's Bobby Orrrrrr. Lets GOOOOO!!!" *** So Ice World is on the MasterCard Center grounds (nee Wukesong Area), in this massive complex called Hi-Park. This is the entrance. Here's a picture of some random support rigging for one of the structures in Hi-Park. Choose your own J.G. Ballard reference. Hi-Park is home to several independent sports and entertainment venues, food and beverage businesses, and assorted miscellaneous crazy places. It's got the NBA Yao School... ...a giant zombie-themed haunted house... (Oh, I know... holy shit, right?) ...and not one but TWO different winter themed parks run by TWO different companies. You've got Wukesong Ice World Sports Land, which is the thing with the 15,000-square-meter skating rink we were talking about above, and it's also got this thing, the Wukesong Snow World. When we visited, the Snow World was closed to visitors because Beijing TV was filming some kind of special on the grounds, but it's basically like a big ice castle playground complex with a couple of "urban sledding slopes" on either side. The concept art makes it look pretty fantastic. Notice how the designers have taken the initiative to photoshop in a mother and child raising matching AK-47s in triumph, perhaps squeezing off a few celebratory rounds for the season... ...not to mention this folksy, soccer-playing seal: Here's a picture of the Snow World ice castle, taken through the fence: And here's the sledding slopes being dusted by these giant snow cannon things: But anyway, yeah, it was closed to vistors when we stopped by. Onto the the Ice World then. "Asia's largest ice rink". Yes!

Wukesong's Ice World Sports Land

So, threading your way through all the other bonkers stuff, you follow these signs well into the grounds. After circling around the "World" part of the park, you get to the "Sports Land" part of the park, which looks like this: Tickets! Weekdays are 40rmb for an hour and half of skating time, which includes skates. On the weekend, that price goes up to 80rmb, for the same amount of time and skates. The tickets say 60rmb. I guess after a while they're going to split the difference, but those are the prices now -- 40rmb / 80rmb. Next stop is picking up your skates, which are in this big tent at the side of the main rink. Here's what they've got: rows and rows of bright orange skates, visible from neighboring galaxies. They're plastic, two-strap lace-less dealios that you slip on and strap up to tighten. Great thing about the rink is the size skates they've got. They're stocking a very decent range, going from those little toddler strap-on things, right up to a men's size 46, which translates to a U.S. size 12.5. I'm like a U.S. size 11.5 men's and the size 45 skate they provided fit well. Good support inside as well. Good job, Ice World! Optional helmets as well... ...and the shoe changing area is beside the rink itself, after which they give you a locker. Another accessory: bright orange seal "Bobbys" to help you keep your balance if you need it. Everyone was rocking one of these, even if only to complete the look. And then it's out on the ice... The layout is two areas: a bigger one that's about the size of half a soccer (futbol) field, and a smaller one that's about half of that. They're both connected by this pathway you also skate down... ...and that's basically it. Your ticket buys you an hour and a half on the ice. When we went, people were generally following the skate-clockwise rule -- actually, scratch that, we were all zig-zagging around, holding on to the rails, and trying not to die -- but there was enough room to have a leisurely roll around the rinks. Is it big? Yeah, eh... yeah, it's big. But if you grew up in an ice skating kind of place, it's probably not going to blow your mind or anything. Still. Good times! Thumbs up.

The Ice Slide

But, hey, that's not all. Not by a long shot. Right next to the skating rink(s) they're also serving up PURE ADRENALINE in the form of a lil' inner tube ice slide, ideal for kids under six and sad, old man-children. Behold: Tickets for this guy are 10rmb a ride, available at the kisok right next to it. At the bottom of the thing is where you get your ticket validated by one of the carnie bros working the slide and pick up your tube. You can also pick up your mandatory helmet here as well, and sizes range from extra small to helmets made for ants. After messing around with a helmet for a while... ...the thing to do was just start bellowing "BU YONG, BU YONG THAT HELMET SHIT, MAN, I'M A PRO" and they let you go anyway. So here's the intensive play-by-play of the ice slide. Probably should have GoPro'ed this whole experience for total journalistic accuracy, but if you quickly scroll down the next series of pictures, you'll get the idea. Wild ride, my friends. Wild ride. At the top, they sit you down in the thing feet first as depicted above. You can't do anything fancy, really, and you probably don't want to. The slide itself is a sheet of ice and pretty savage looking on the way down. Didn't want to ruin my chances for Beijing 2022, so I played this one by the book. And the after that, if you're up for it, the cafeteria is in a big igloo thing right next to the ice slide... ...wherein they're selling coffee, juice, and plates of hot garbage. So is it worth it? What, you've got no joy for life? Are you some kind of monster? Is your heart made of stone? Yeah, of course! Well... If you take your ice skating very seriously and are already satisfied with wherever you are currently very seriously ice skating, then it's probably not for you. It's really set up for people who skate maybe once every couple of years, with family or friends, and are looking for a bit of easy fun on the weekend or whenever. It's not formal; there are no pros. It's basically set up for kids and families, novice ice skaters, and people who really don't mind scooting politely around a rink at 2mph on the ass of a plastic orange seal (i.e. me). As with anything like this in China, be ready for crowds, especially if you go on a weekend day. We went on a weekday and it was just right, though. Maybe 100 or so other skaters and room from everyone. Skate or die, my friend. Skate or die, everyone! On finding it: So, as mentioned above, it's in Hi-Park, which is southwest of the main concert entrance of the MasterCard center. Coming from the east, you pass the MasterCard Center concert entrance area on your right and then take the next turn around the complex, and you'll see the Hi-Park entrance. Follow the signs inside Hi-Park to find the place. *** Ice World Sports Land is at the Southeast Side, MasterCard Center, 69 Fuxing Lu, Haidian District. They're open daily 10am to 8pm.