With only THREE DAYS to go until Halloween, now is the time to start panicking -- PANICKING -- to get a good Halloween costume together.
And if you are panicking, that's good. That means you recognize what's at stake here. That means that you know what an important day Halloween is, and you know that if you just phone it in with some half-assed piece of shit costume, you'll regret it all year. Here are SIX awesome (terrible) costume ideas. This is for people that are still racking their brains, trying to think of an idea and for ALL the Europeans out there.
Yes, Euros, you know who you are. Every year you try to get away with wearing what you would normally would to go out, with the addition of light-up devil horns (men) or angel wings (women) as a weak afterthought. Come on, Europe. What the shit is that about? How about a little effort this year. You don't have to look casual, sexy, erotic, chic, classy, sensual every day of the year. It's Halloween. Get a little dirty.
First, here's five to avoid this year:
1) Lady Gaga
Remember in like 1993 when everyone dressed up like Brittany Spears. This is that.
2) Michael Jackson / Patrick Swayze
Too soon. Too obvious. Also, zombie variations thereof... not cool man. Zombies in general might be a little played out by this point.
3) The Joker / Nurse Joker
That was last year.
4) Pimp / Ho costumes
Pimpin ain't easy. That's all there is to it.
5) Chairman Mao
It's just a little... poor form. I don't know. It's a bit much. Every year at least one guy in Shanghai does it, and he thinks he's gonna get some laughs, but...
Here's six SUPER SWEET costume ideas:
Quick note: The SmartShangahi graphic designer is on vacation and so I've had to whip up these artist's renderings myself. It's alright though because clearly you can see how well-versed I am in Photoshop and my ace in the sleeve: Microsoft Paint.
A Tea Egg
I'm not too sure how you would go about doing it -- foam? paper mache? -- but if you could pull it off it would be pretty great. You'd have to recreate that delicious smell of Tea Eggs as well, so I think to really do it up right, you'd have to buy 6 or 7 of the tasty little bastards and crush 'em up in your pockets right before you go out.
Alternatives: Stinky Tofu, Street Meeeeets... something like that.
A Kedi Mart
We were thinking of alternatives to the Tea Egg costume around the office, and it eventually escalated to "just a whole Kedi Mart then". This bad boy would have to be box-based, as most awesome costumes are. You can do a lot of wonderful things with boxes. Wear black. Get a big box. Take pictures of a Kedi mart. Get them printed out on large paper. Glue them onto the box. Accessorize as you see fit.
Alternatives: Buddies (!!!), Alldays, Family Mart.
Sexy Nurse Ghost-Vampire-Pirate-Fairy
This one was my friend's idea, and it's his artist's mock-up as well (we went to Graphic Design school together), but it brings us to an important Halloween strategy. If you have friends outside of Shanghai, feel free to steal their ideas. No ones going to know. This one has a little of everything.
Alternatives: Everything else.
The Huangpu River
It topical. It's clever. The Huangpu River. Dress all in blue and spray shit all over yourself. Toilet paper on the arms and legs would be good too, as would an old car tire draped over your shoulder. Not only is it a unique and thoughtful costume, but it's also a social statement as well. Let's clean up the environment, my friends! Think about your carbon footprint and let's be sustainable. For the children!
Alternative: The Three Gorges Dam, The Sky in Beijing, The URBN hotel
For Halloween, timing is everything. Here's my prediction: this is the year Darth Maul costumes are really going to take off. This is the year. It just feels right. The new Star Wars movies are on everyone's minds, and these prequels are really just a defining cultural moment for this generation.
Alternatives: Three words: Jar Jar Fuckin' Binks! Mesa so horny!
Hu Jintao Riding in the Limousine at the 60th Anniversary of the PRC
This one doesn't make much sense but it would be terrific. There are no wrong answers in brainstorming.