*** Hello, my friends. Hello, young lovers. Please, I pray, allow me to whisper something scandalous into your ear. Allow me this one transgression. Allow me this one trespass. Allow me to whisper to you something decadent. Something profane. Something outrageous, wicked, and sinfully divine! Pssst, the Taco Bell is hosting a 99rmb Couples Valentine's Day Set Menu! Yes. Yesss. Yessss!

It Comes With

2 Chicken Quesadillas 1 Shrimp Burrito 1 Hard Shell Beef Taco 1 Pint of Asahi (2017 vintage) 1 Pink Lemonade Mojito 1 Ice Cream Cone in a Cup Thing

It Costs

99rmb. All in. Ka boom. No fuss, no muss. No reservations required. (Your soul.)

The Dining Atmosphere

The hushed tones of lovers. The tinkling of wine glasses. The soft timbres of chamber music in the background. The flickering of candlelight illuminating the room like a Tuscan sunset disintegrating on the Mediterranean. From the corporate branded surfboards cascading tastefully down from the ceiling to the tasteful neon purple lighting tastefully accenting the the tastefully understated industrial chic lines of the dining environment, to say that Taco Bell has "an eye to detail" is almost too egregious an understatement. Perfection. Is a word that doesn't even come close. Maybe perfection in French then: la perfection. Mais, oui. Shanghai, a city of lovers, to be sure, a city of love, colludes into one writhing body, one undulating being, in the communal dining environment of the Taco Bell, partaking in a primordial act of desire: The giving of flesh and the receiving of love. (And tacos.) Let us join in this dance!

The Experience

The SmartShanghai photographer was ill this afternoon, my friends. A sickness of the mind, a sickness of the body, a sickness of the spirit, I know not which. Definitely, he'd come down with something Jane Austen-ey. He was vexed. He was faint. He was not up to the task. It was up to me then, Shanghai, to eat the entire Valentine's Meal for Two myself, a glutton for love, a gourmand for passion, a prisoner of desire, a hog for hire, let's do this. As soon as the last hard shell beef taco bite slide down my throat, I felt the love just shooting right through me. Shooting right through my entire digestive system like a greased bullet. I was overcome with so much emotion. So much love. Just a deep rumbling of love in the pit of my stomach. Like my very insides were erupting love. Hot jets of love spurting out from my insides. I’m just doubled over with love typing this now. Experiencing hot flashes of love. The sweats. The love sweats. Like I’ve just been partaking in an intense and prolonged session of love making and now I’ve flopped back on a rumpled duvet, positively spritzing love everywhere. And I know this sensation of love will stay with me for at least 24 hours, possibly longer. It’s a love eternal. It is a love I cannot pass. A deep love; a fiery love. You know the kind of love I mean? I mean that burning love. The sort of love that just sweeps you off your feet and burns you all over. The love that consumes you. The love that consumes you to the very core of your being. The love that is like a churning, bubbling volcano of butterflies in the pit of your stomach threatening to consume everything and anything. The kind of love you need a doctor for. A love doctor. Sexual healing. You get what I’m saying. Even now I’m just basking in this afterglow of love. This warmth. This hot warmth. This hot queasy warmth. Of love. Of love, love, love. That roller coaster love. That seasick love. That feverish love. That love that I almost can’t even stand. The love that, oh man, if I even sit down in a chair, if I even try that, if I even try, I’m going to explode. I'm serious, I cannot sit down. Love will explode in great heaving torrents from my... y'know... SOUL. Seriously... seriously.

The Verdict

Recommended. Five stars. *** The Taco Bell Valentine's Day Menu for two is available all day at Taco Bell in Luijiazui. it's right at Exit 2 of the subway station. They're open till 11pm. Happy Valentine's Day, Shanghai. ***