*** Picking up about 9,000 headaches and regrets on from our Part I of SmBj's Beijing Craft Beer Blast, here's the epic (ish) conclusion of our innaugeral "Chef's Table" challenge. Recapping what's been on so far, we've just come from Jing A and NBeer, and are on our way to critically assess the craft libations of Slow Boat, Panda Brew, and Beer Keg. Lots of rigorous scientific rigor going on with this thing. If you want to catch up with Part 1, click right here. Once again, our industry insider judges are Carl (co-owner, brewmaster; Great Leap Brewery), Dave Bob (manager or something; Home Plate), and Badr (owner, bartender; Cuju). L to R: Some dude trying to get away, Badr, Carl, Dave Bob Meet the Table: We met them last time, so we'll just use this space here to plug their shit, respectively, as they were nice enough to volunteer their time and taste buds for this thing, not to mention pay for most of their drinks. Carl/The Great Leap: If you haven't heard of this International Invitational Craft Beer thing, you should get on that. Critically acclaimed craft breweries from around the world descending upon Beijing, each with their respective brewmasters manning the taps in a series of free-flow sessions. It's fast approaching (November 14), so you better get on your ticket or the good drinking sessions will be snapped up. You just got paid right? All the details and tickets right here. Dave Bob/Home Plate: In addition to serving up an award-winning burger and some of Beijing best BBQ, Home Plate is your starting point for this weekend's Facial Fun Fair happening this Sunday. You should go. You should bring some extra cash to toss to a good cause. Badr/Cuju: Cuju's been tweaking their new food menu for the past few weeks now and you should head down and try it out if you haven't had the chance yet. Food's good and I'm not even saying that out of obligation. In addition to that, he's always running drinks deals and screening some sports stuff. Keep in direct contact with everything Cuju has on right here. Let's dance.

Slow Boat

The Captain's Pale Ale

It's everything I don't like about a beer.

It's back to that rotten… Dave Bob: Nah, man! Well, I mean… Badr: Hey, it's my taste buds, buddy. Dave Bob: I think for a pale ale, I like the color, I like the taste… Carl: I've had this beer maybe 20 or 30 times, and it's better than it used to be.  I think Badr is really sensitive to sulfur, and there's a bit here… Badr: One thing, too, about it is that you've got that chalky flavor. Dave Bob: Nah, nah, for me, I like the color, I like the initial taste -- even if the after taste is a little off, I'd still have two or three pints of this, no problem.  We've always got Slow Boat on tap [at Home Plate] and there's some we do with them exclusively, like a smoked pilsner malt.  We smoke that ourselves... 

Absolutely. Absolutely.

I sell their bottles -- the [Pirate] Zombie.  It sells really well.  I dropped a couple of the IPAs I was stocking just to stock that one. No one really comes to Cuju looking for beer anyways, though. If they're coming looking for beer, they've got some issues.  When I opened, I had 12 different beers, but I keep about four "weird beers" that have unique selling points.  Slow Boat's is one of those -- it's got the "Beijing" thing and it's marketed well.  People know it, they like it, and they look for it. The other one is the TsingTsao Stout, which is a bit rarer.  And then the Beer Lao.  Between those three we've covered the spectrum.

I am two sips away from a gin and tonic.

Helmsmen Honey Ale

Back home what was the first beer you remember having when you were a kid?

Molson Triple X.

First beer I tried was Milwaukee's Best. Dave Bob: Oh shit, there it is. That's horrible.

This is the one we always have on tap. It's really popular.

Fucking bazillions!  Bazillions!  For me, I think it tastes good, it feels good, but I'm not getting a lot of the honey. Carl: It's a nice ale. But the honey flavor isn't standing out.  But it's a really nice, really clean ale. Badr: This is one of the best beers I've had tonight.  Honey might be getting cancelled out but it's still good. Carl: One of the things you're trying to do when you're building a malt, is full palate exposure. Like for this, the flavor drops off a bit and it's a bit weak.  All the same, there's nothing wrong with it and it's a nice, clean beer. But you'd want the honey to go all the way through. But this is another one I had way-back-when, when they first made it, and there was some issues with it. But it's improved a lot and there's nothing wrong with it. Dave Bob: Yeah, it looks good and it tastes clean. Badr: It's an easy beer as well. You get someone that's is used to their Heinekens and crap, and this would be nice to introduce and something a bit nicer, introducing them into proper beers. A Trojan horse. Carl: Trojan horse. That's a good one.

Let's share a burger…

The Sea Anchor Imperial Stout

This is our fourth stout of the night.  There wasn't a stout at Jing A but we had three at NBeer. Dave Bob: Smells good.  Cheers to stouts… Badr: Ugh. I don't like it but I'd serve it. Dave Bob: For me, I don't know, but I like it. Carl: For me, it's not my thing because they're using vanilla extract. If you use vanilla bean, it's a beautiful vanilla flavor, and I prefer it to this method.  Vanilla beans are so fucking powerful. You just do a tincture.  Two beans, three beans, that's all you need. Dave Bob: Let's get burgers, man.  Let's get the burgers. Carl: We've got a fair amount of people in here tonight.  We got some great beards in here…

How do you shave your 'stash dude? How do you do that? Carl: What do you mean? I bought trimmers.

Slutty Mermaid Triple IPA

It's a Belgian thing. It can be interpreted two ways: it can mean that they used three different types of sugar -- malt sugar, honey sugar, and cane sugar -- or it can mean that it was fermented three different ways. 

Nah, it's sort of the thing to do.  You have a barley wine, a Belgian Tripel, a Triple IPA, a quad IPA…a quad IPA is just huge, it's got like an ABV of 14%, but it's also enough bitterness that it doesn't taste sweet. It tastes nice and balanced.  But these are all wheelhouse beers for craft breweries. These are popular because they're responding what Bavarian brauhauses have been doing forever, as well as big, industrial brewhouses.  Those places can't do beers that are that fucking nuts.  Craft breweries do this kind of stuff as their reason for existing. They're pushing the envelope.

I like the beer they do in bottles.  But you look at anything that's got a bit of history behind it, like Slow Boat, you look at what they did before and what work have they put in to make it better. Like the Honey Ale and the Captain's Ale we had tonight have both had a really good evolution, and you can taste the work they've put in.  They're pumpkin ale has always been good as well. Dave Bob: [Loud, gross burp].

Smells the part. Carl: It's a great beer but it's not a Triple IPA.  Taste like the ABV is not quite there. It's an 8 maybe.  We do a lot of 10% beers -- they've got more of a bite to them. Badr: I know the big joke is that I don't like beer but IPAs are at the top of the list of beers I do not like. The bitterness…

Yeah, it's great.  It's good beer. Badr: I like that it has a personality. Dave Bob: No, no, I mean, I've had this for the first time at the Autumn Beer Festival. I like it a lot. Carl: Where does it rank against their maple beer?  Because that was another one that I really liked. Dave Bob: When they did the maple beer? I didn't try the maple beer. Carl: Dude, you fucking Facebook'ed about it. Dave Bob: I did not! I don't remember Facebook'ing about maple beer. But I forget. Amber lager, or whatever it was.  But this I like.  I could drink this.  For me, this is a session beer. For me. Carl: I think I drank it faster than you guys did.  I think they dry-hopped it with simcoe, so you get that pine needle flavor which is really nice. I think maybe the ABV is there. It doesn't taste as big as their Immortal IPA.  But yeah it's good. It's clean. Dave Bob: For me, this has the best flavor and is the most drinkable we've had tonight. Carl: We're still knocking on the door of my favorite here so let's try that… Dave Bob [singing like Axel Rose]: Knack, knack, knaaacking on heavennn's ddooorwarr… I'm going pee.

The Pumpkin Ale

No, it doesn't!

It's molasses.  Lots of molasses.  Coffee and molasses.

There is absolutely no pumpkin flavor that's coming to me whatsoever. Carl: Most pumpkin beers are actually pumpkin pie spices.  There's definitely a spice back in there.

Tastes like a chocolate maybe… I like this beer. I can only drink one.  But I do like this beer. It's bold, the color is really good.  But, I mean, like yeah…. pumpkin.  Badr: It's a nice beer. But I not getting the pumpkin flavor really. It's a nice stout though. It's balanced. It's got good stuff in it. It doesn't rub me the wrong way. Its got enough personality that it doesn't seem anonymous. Dave Bob: For a stout, ti's a great fucking stout. I like it a lot.  For the stouts we tried tonight, this is the best one. For me. Carl: What I liked about this beer the first time I tried it, is that it had a lot of depth and a lot of flavor.  And it's a pretty bold move to put pumpkin into a stout.  Because sometimes the pumpkin can get lost.  And sometimes all the pumpkin needs to do to add to a beer is give it a really nice creaminess and a nice balance. And this one almost comes across like a little marshmallow-y at the end.  It's more about texture. So yeah, it's a bold move to put it into stout because it really doesn't taste like anything in it of itself. A pumpkin pie tastes like spices and nutmeg or whatever. So yeah, for me, this has a nice round creamy marshmallow-ness in the middle, and it's got a really nice spice presence that makes it different from a lot of the other stouts we had tonight.

The Take-Away

The fries are pretty damn kick-ass.

No, for me, the Honey Ale was one of the more remarkable ones. I was impressed with that one.

For me, every brewery in Beijing, there's things that I fucking love, dude, like Slow Boat is one of these beers, that I love drinking, I love what they're doing and I love the people working here.  That's the same for me with Jing A and Great Leap as well. * RECOMMENDATIONS: The Slutty Mermaid Triple IPA, the Pumpkin, and The Honey Ale. Thanks Slow Boat! ***

Panda Beer

The Pure Red Honey Ale

Did they bottle this one? Carl: No, this one's made here.  The stuff they've bottled is different from this. Badr: Well, the prices look alright… Carl: They do?

It's smooth. Dave Bob: Yeah, it is. Carl: You gotta wait five to ten seconds after you drink it… for Chrissake.

[Laughs.] Dave Bob: It's super bubbly. Badr: It's creamy.  It's not got any of that bitterness.  I'm surprised.  It's smooth.

I am the least hammered out of this entire group, I assure you.  I'm describing it but I didn't say I liked it. Dave Bob: No, I mean, it's alright… um… it's a bit too bubbly and burpy. It's fine. It's fine. It's a little sweet and fizzy. I guess none of my vocab is professional here. Badr: It's accessible. You can bring people to come and drink it and they won't hate it. It's easy.  They're market is going to be the people who go to Guijie. Carl: But people who go to Guijie don't come to Guijie to go to places like this, they go to drink baijiu and eat the food there.  Badr, you've lived here forever -- 99% of the people that are going to Guijie are going specifically for what's there now. And they don't go to anywhere else… Beer-wise, this one shows a lot potential. There's nothing that is wrong with this beer that hasn't been wrong with some of the other beers we've had tonight that were also drinkable.  You can nitpick the shit out of things.  The only thing I don't like is everything but the beer.  The service, the glass -- there's soap all over the glass.  That sucks but it's not the brewer's fault, it's the bars fault.  Again, it's drinkable but I didn't get a lot of the honey.  The flavor of the honey should come through. It's drinkable.

The "Too Young" Wheat

I just want to shoot the shit! I just want to shoot the shit.

I know.  I'm lacking. I'm lacking.

… Badr: I would actually drink this. Dave Bob: My god. He's found one.

No, no, no. It tastes generic. It tastes generic.  Carl: Well, the description is wrong. It's a fucking Hefeweizen… Dave Bob: It has too much flavor for what they're trying to accentuate with.

Was that English? Dave Bob: [Laughs.] Blah blah blah. Carl: Well, there's nothing wrong with this beer.  The description on the menu is wrong, but if they had just said, a "classic Bavarian style hefeweizen with a Chinese twist", then it's spot on. Certain areas of Bavaria like more of a banana flavor and Munich, they like cloves, so that's the two flavors for Wheats… I like this one more than the one at Jing A.  This one's more seasson-able. Dave Bob: To me this banana flavor is too full-on and it doesn't taste like a beer.

The Dockman Porter

Dave Bob [Looks around]: You mean, the whole fucking time we've been here we could have been smoking?  Jesus Christ.

So it doesn't taste like a stout because it's a fucking porter.

That's the problem.  A lot of people don't know the difference.  This beer is sound.  There's nothing wrong with this beer, but it's not a stout. It's a porter. 

I think all three of these beers here have been drinkable.  It's really easy-going.

It's boring because, I think, this beer, it's underestimating the capabilities its audience… [Dave Bob starts doing a Christopher Walken impression. For no reason.  It's real bad.]

This is going to be the last thing, maybe these beers need to push it more. We're not saying much about it, because there's not much to say. This porter is a good porter.  But it's also a forgettable porter. That's the danger of craft beer: you go to crazy and it can taste like shit. You can lose control of it.  But if you don't try, you end up with forgettable beer that's no different than anything industrially produced. "Craft beer" is a bullshit term.  There's only good beer.  And good beer tastes unique and different and is properly done. That's it.

[Laughs.] Carl: Yes.

* RECOMMENDATIONS: The Too Young Wheat, The Dockman Porter. Thanks Panda! ***

The Beer Keg

  So our next port of call was Beer Keg Brew Pub on Fangjia Hutong.  But it was all shuttered up at midnight on a Tuesday night.  We took a photo... ... and recapped over at El Nido over a couple of delicious Snow beers. ***

Recapping the Night

Uhhh… The Oyster Stout at NBeer was really bad. I might have nightmares about it.  That one beer at Jing A was good -- the Farmhouse. I would drink that one again. And the one from Slow Boat that I liked. Think it was the Honey.

For me, I really like Jing A's taproom. Beer for me, was the Slutty Mermaid Triple IPA at Slow Boat.  Honestly, I like hanging out at Slow Boat.  And the whole night I've just been dreaming about getting a piggy back from Carl.  That's it…. Carl: I liked the Koji Red Rice Ale from Jing A. The Worker's Pale was good there as well, as a really nice way to start the evening. I was bummed at NBeer because I've had some good beers there but we kinda shot blank at the menu and got some duds. If anything I was bummed that NBeer didn't live up to what I know it is.  And then the Triple IPA at Slow Boat was a solid beer…

*** Special thanks to our critics, Bar, Dave Bob, and Carl, and all the bars we drank beer at. Journalism, pow!