Last Friday night, the Chinese Business Bro New Bar Early Warning System (the C.B.B.N.B.E.W.S.) spiked up dramatically to DEFCON 4 with the opening of Xindong Lu brauhaus, Hacker-Pschorr. They're currently in their soft opening phase, slinging gigantic Bavarian beers and heaving plates of sausages, pork knuckle, and schnitzel from 5pm to midnight daily. Huge. With seating for roughly nine million, Munich-import, Paulaner-owned Hacker-Pschorr is sprawled out into one giant dining and drinking area, with loads of banquet tables, booth seating, smaller tables, a stage, a few different bar areas, and monstrous vats of beer lining the walls in which their three standard varieties of Bavarian-style beer are brewed on-site. So let's talk about the beer. Hacker-Pschorr is the joint merger of two centuries-old Munich breweries, the former of which, Hacker, traces its history back to 1417 A.D. 1417 A.D. Basically, Hacker-Pschorr is so old it was originally brewed by a bunch of hobbits of something like that. 1417 A.D. -- that's like before the invention of the letter "F" or some shit. Currently, Hacker-Pschorr and it's sister brand, Paulaner, are two of the official invited breweries to be able to serve at Munich's official Oktoberfest. Hacker-Pschorr's beer is thus brewed in strict adherence to the art and culture of Bavarian brewing, oriented towards Oktoberfest-style imbibing, as inherited through the centuries from a bunch of hobbits or druids or Gandalf or Christmas beer elfs or Bavarian hops gnomes or whoever. Hacker-Pschorr is bottled and sold all over the world, but at Hacker-Pschorr Beijing, you've got three of their line available in the big liter-glass: Hacker-Pschorr Bräuhaus - Hell (a lager); Hacker-Pschorr Bräuhaus - Dunkel (a dark lager); and Hacker-Pschorr Weisse (a wheat beer). They are available in three glasses: 0.3 L (48rmb); 0.5 L (58rmb); 1 L (108rmb). The one pictured above is a liter of the standard lager. This one here's the wheat beer: If you want to get picky, I think the glass is wrong and that sought-after banana taste didn't really come through for me in a big way, but it's basically what it's supposed to be: a gigantic damn glass of Bavarian beer that's clean and easy to imbibe in mass quantities. Same for the lager; it's clean and easy to drink a shit-ton of. I'll go back for the dark lager. All three are 4.8%. Pro tip: They're running an opening special on liters. Buy-one-get-one-free on all liter orders. So that's like... the way to go, obviously. In addition to beer, they got a nice selection of Schnaps if you happen to be a farty grandma or maybe like a high school dropout from 1973 with a time machine: Oh, hello, sausages! On the menu: A selection of Bavarian traditional platters anchored around their pork knuckle (98rmn for a half; 188rmb for a whole), which comes in a few differing variation (boiled, breaded, roasted, grilled). They're also doing Bavaria's Greatest Hits: a schnitzel (118rmb), a meatloaf dish (88rmb), and this big-daddy plate of sausages: "Bayrisches Wurstl Pfandl" - (168rmb) Kaskrainer, Bratwurst, Nurnberger, Weiner, und Weisswurst mit Sauerkraut und Kartoffelbrat - Pork cheese sausage, roasted pork sausage - Nuremberg, Vienna, and Munich white sausages served with sauerkraut and mashed potato. Basically, what we have here is like the Power Rangers of Bavarian sausages. It's like all the main areas of Bavaria are represented in a superhero team of sausages, presented in a skillet on a bed of sauerkraut and mashed potato. The sauce was like a chutney-like kind of thing. It was really, really good, actually. This is a lot of sausages, my friends. Especially, when paired with several liters of beer. It's a blur. It's all a blur. Just a lot of meat and beer all up in my face. AKA, "just another Friday night". Hey-oh! But I think it was good. What am I saying. Yeah, man, it was good. They've got a bunch of sides and snacks as well. Soups and broths, meat and cheese platters, and lots of breads. These came with a couple of Pâté spreads, which was pretty boss. On the way: a deli shop upstairs, opening on Wednesday. I'll be back check that out for sure... So Hacker-Pschorr. It's one to seek out if you're a fan of any of the Paulaners around China -- in particular, if you're fine with the price points at a Paulaner; it's not cheap -- and are looking for similar goofy fun and plentiful Oktoberfest-all-year-'round vibes. Big beers and big plates of food. It's the full deal. The waitresses are all dressed up like Fraulein stewardesses from a 14th century airline and the waiters all look like The Legend of Zelda. Music is textbook traditional German: Christmas polka versions of Jimmy Buffet songs interspersed with national anthems from defunct Eastern European countries, "Mambo No. 5" and "Y.M.C.A". Thumbs way the fuck up on that. Incidentally, how is it that a gay anthem about hooking up for some no-strings-attached gay sex became the bedrock joint cultural signifier for togetherness and joy in all Sino-Germanic businessman relations? Prost! * Hacker-Pschorr is at Building 3, 12 Xindong Lu, Chaoyang District. It's right across from the Lambo dealership, just down from Heaven.