Sounds like a pretty good name for a post-structuralist critical theory quarterly, doesn't it? SERBIA BURGER. SERBIA BURGER: Meta-(Dis)cursive Excursions in Pre-Post Liminalities of Marginalitude "Serbia Burger", however, is actually just a boutique fast food place that sells burgers which are Serbian. It's newly opened up in Baochao Hutong right next to Detour. It's a one-room, one-counter deal, with about four tiny stools and a simple one-page menu. It's owner operated, with food made-to-order while you wait. I love these kinds of places. So burgers that are Serbian are a thing, incidentally. Huh. They're called "pljeskavica" and are basically large, thin patties served on a bun with some veg. Beijing's evidently already enjoyed some of these Serbian burgers in the past at this place called Kiosk. That was before my time. Sounds like it was pretty good, though. Alas, cosmic ballet, this place has nothing to do with that Kiosk place, which is now closed. Serbia Burger is owned and operated by this cheerful fella... ...a Chinese gentleman who spent the last ten years in Serbia, "doing cooking there" (pfffth, totally an international spy or government agent or something) before returning to Beijing with his hamburger recipe. Here's a "Quarter Pounder with Cheese". Quarter Pounder with Cheese (28rmb) You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in France? A "Royale with Cheese". You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Serbia? A "Quarter Pounder with Cheese". Verdict: Yeah, it's decent enough. Fresh veg, passable bread, decent patty. Very straightforward. Sauce is like a Thousand Islands sort of thing. It's a 28rmb hamburger. So like. Yeah, it's a 28rmb hamburger. It's... cost-effective. No complaints. Tastes like a hamburger. And even with the cheaper price, the ingredients were fine as well... So it's basically a hamburger. A big, flat hamburger. The other option, which is more "Serbian" (it's got the pita bread, you see) is the "Pita Bread Burger with Cheese" Pita Bread Burger with Cheese (30rmb) It's the same thing, except it's on a pita bread instead of a sesame bun. Yep. Aaaaaand, that's pretty much it! Two options for bread -- sesame bun and pita -- with the other burgers doubling up on the meat and adding or subtracting cheese. For drinks, we opted for the delightful Swiss Hot Chocolate... Swiss hot chocolate (10rmb) ...which was exactly like the hot chocolate you get at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. Redemptive! Felt like I should be compulsively scratching my face and gnawing forlornly on a rice crispy square. We also got a FREE can of Coke with our meal -- this might be an opening special, this might be because we've got a nice face, maybe a little bit of both. So, Serbia Burger. Recommended! For sure! I feel like the cultural life of Beijing is wholly improved when people open up their own bonkers, hole-in-the-wall dream restaurants, so it would have to be pretty damn bad for me to not support. And it's not bad at all. It's fine. It does the job for the price asked. And thus Beijing gets something new to add to it's collectively hopeful and schizophrenic urban personality, rather than another Wagas or McDicks. Small victories... * Serbia Burger is at 107 Baochao Hutong. Right right down from Mr. Shi's and Modernista and all that. They're open from about 3pm to 10pm on weekdays, noon until 10pm on weekend nights. Pretty much whenever he feels like opening. *** In other Gulou neighborhood food news, this guy out on front of 206 Gulou is operating a chuanr stand and is indeed, straight-up, gangster as fuck.