We’ve got business owners. We’ve got musicians. We’ve got comedians. We’ve got teachers. We’ve got students. We’ve got faux journalists. We’ve got bartenders. We’ve got beards of all shaped and sizes. Here is the field for Beardageddon 2016. It’s all these hunky looking studs and a few more on top of that.
All these guys will be marched 4 by 4 up on stage at Inferno, with the individual that donated the most money to their fundraising efforts handed the clippers and permitted to shave their beards in any style they like. (But no Hitler mustaches ‘cause like… c’mon now. Come on, guy. Can't be doing that shit in 2016.) We’re still open to donations on the day of the event as well, so if you see one of your buddies in the group of dudes above and you want the pleasure of shaving them in public, bring a fistful of red notes on Sunday. We’ll also have seasoned professionals from Doc Guthrie’s and Brash on hand for emergency shaves.
We’ve got four talented musical groups culled from the Shanghai “ROCK SCENE” performing that devil music for you. They are:
Ho-Tom the Conqueror
Spill Your Guts
The Drag Kings
In addition to the wonderful bands, we’ve also got not one, not two, but three, count ‘em, san ge, drag king performers who will entertaining us with their drag routines. These are some sharp gentlemen, let me tell you — Cole Steel Johnson, Dorian T. Fisk, and Ennis F.W. — three more dapper individuals you shall not find, that’s for damn sure. We’ve also got a pole dancer performing as well because hey… you gotta have a pole dancer.
The Food - It’s a Pig Roast
Due to their extensive experience with lifestyles of gluttony, our friends from Ruijin Cajun are handling kitchen duties down at Inferno and they’re going hard in the paint on it. They’re serving up a big roast. Which is… an entire pig roasted. And then consumed. I don’t really know what else to say about it. It’s a pigger, my friends. We’re doing a pigger.
Here is an interesting fact from Wikipedia about pig roasts: “George Washington mentions attending a barbecue in his journal on August 4, 1769, and records at Mount Vernon show the man had his own smokehouse on the premises. Like many plantation owners, he raised several pigs for slaughter in November and once his slaves had finished curing the meat into ham and bacon, they would pit roast some whole pigs over hot coals as a treat.”
Huh. Feel free to go ahead and use that one this Sunday.
Hey, we’ve got a raffle AKA a “lucky draw”. Because that’s just what you do. It’s the unwritten rule in Shanghai that no event shall transpire without a lucky draw. You’ve gotta have one. So we’ve got one. Lots of great prizes up for grabs with this thing including a football singed by quarterback great Peyton Manning, a football signed by quarterback great Kordell Stewart, tickets to some fabulous undetermined upcoming Split Works concert event — probably Pearl Jam, maybe GWAR, fingers crossed — tickets to see The Blue Man Group from your friends at SmSh, vouchers for shaves and tattoos from your friends at Brash and Doc Guthrie’s, beer, beer, beer and beer from Goose Island, vouchers from restaurants around town, and more.
Pretty damn decent lucky draw as it turns out. Don’t know how that happened! This is a picture of Peyton Manning ordering Sherpas. He will perhaps not be at the event but his John Hancock sure will be.
We’re starting it off at 4pm to give people time to turn the corners on their Saturday night hangovers. Then we’re pushing through with non-stop entertainment until like… I dunno 10pm or something. That gives you enough time to get home and have a good rest for your working week. Or whatever, you can go out after or something, hey, I don’t know, just do you.
There’s four rounds of shaving in total. The evening should progress something like this. Roughly.
4pm: Doors open
4.30pm-5pm: Ho Tom the Conqueror
5.15pm-5.45pm: Pinball City
6pm-6.20pm: Shaving Round One
6.30pm-7pm: Round Eye
7.15pm-7.30pm: Shaving Round Two
7.45pm-8pm: Shaving Round Three
8pm-8.30pm: Drag King Performances
9pm-9.20pm: Shaving Round Four
9.20-Infinity: Spill Your Guts
Just The Details
Beardageddon. Sunday. 4pm. Inferno. Bands. Beer. Beardlesness. Entry fee is a heavily suggested donation of 50rmb. Bring more to donate on the day of the event. (C’mon.) Thanks to all our sponsors and people who donated (or will donate cash). Shout out to District whose logo I forgot to put on this thing.
More info? Email firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com. Free the chins.