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[Deadbeat Dad]: Give It Up for Fathers Giving Things Up

Surprise, surprise, new father comes out with huge support for the concept of Father's Day. Deadbeat Dad shows love to his own non-deadbeat dad.
Last updated: 2016-06-13
Deadbeat Dad is SmartShanghai's regular parenting column, written by Sal Haque, a.k.a. DJ Skinny Brown of Popasuda. He became a father in 2014, and lives in Shanghai with his wife Rain and their kid Nesta.

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For most of my time growing up, I never took Father’s Day too seriously. It was one of those random occasions that only really had significance when I was a small kid in primary school. I think, in some part, it was a day for the teachers wherein they could put aside the textbooks for an afternoon, and dump a bunch of macaroni and Elmer's glue on our desks. We'd kill a couple hours making Father’s Day cards while they got a break from real teaching. Fair enough. Respect the game.

I went home, gave dad the card, and two weeks later it ended up in the trash. Also fair enough. But a waste of perfectly good macaroni. (And just on a side note, macaroni art is some First World shit! "We’ve got so much food we use it to make greeting cards." I bet if you gave a bunch of macaroni to some kid in some poverty stricken region of the Congo, they wouldn't be gluing it to no card!) But I digress…

I went home and gave my dad the card, but I never really understood Father’s Day. We didn’t really hang out that much, me and my dad. He wasn’t like my mom, who dealt with me when I was sick or comforted me when I cried. He pretty much just worked and occasionally yelled at me.

Becoming a dad myself, I now realize now how much I really misunderstood his contribution growing up. My dad worked hard, and you know where his money went? Food. Clothing. Shelter. And general quality of life. Quality of my life. He’d come home and look at his pay-check and be like, “oh wicked, I can finally afford that new car I wanted.”

But then he’d look at me and be like, “oh wait... damn."

Father's Day is all about recognizing this compromise. It's about recognizing how much your father put his life on hold for yours, and then observing and paying respect to this compromise.

With a tie.

(Which is a token for said observance and respect!)

Father’s Day is thanking your dad for not spending his hard-earned money on the cool stuff he actually wanted, and instead, spending it on the lame stuff you actually needed (or yourself wanted). I’ve wanted to get my tattoo completed for like five years, but my kid needs stylish new clothes for the winter. Oh, and because he’s an infant, he grows like a maniac and can’t wear anything from four months ago. This trend’s pretty much going to continue until he’s like 17. That means it’s all new swag, all the time.

These days, as a father myself, I’ve also realized that a father’s sacrifice can’t only be measured in terms of money. Parenting is also about compromising your spare time, your social life, and your own dreams. There are a lot of things I’d love to be doing right now -- designing clothes, traveling, deejaying (a lot more), filming cool shit, general debauchery, partying -- all that wonderful, wonderful stuff. But as a dad, compromise means picking and choosing, and devoting most of my effort to my true priorities: my wife and my kid.

And for this, I deserve a brand new tie.

So, this Father’s Day, June 19, be clear on what you’re thanking your dad for:

"Dad, thanks for spending all your hard-earned money on me, when you could’ve spent that cash on a wicked trip across South East Asia huffing nitrous and getting into awesome trouble."

"Dad, thanks for not being a deadbeat, and missing out on some rad parties while you were staying home and changing my diapers."

"Dad, thanks so much, man, for waking up every three hours to hear me cry and complain about some nonsensical shit."

“Dad, thanks so much for being there.”

“Dad, thanks for buying all my shit!”

June 19! Father’s Day! Don’t forget! And if you’re not working yet, get a damn job! Cut your damn hair and stop being a drain on society! If you can’t get a job, don’t buy your dad anything, because you’ll probably be spending his money anyway, and let’s face it, you’re dad doesn’t want or need any more ties!

In fact, if you’re thinking of a gift, I suggest an envelope of cash -- cold, hard cash -- that can be put to your college fund.

DAD OUT!

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Feel free to leave your comments / stories / experiences / thoughts in the comments. For a full list of Father's Day events in Shanghai, check our dedicated page.

Illustration by Francine Yulo.

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