. Illustration by Francine Yulo *** Whether your actively trying to or it's just a distant future possibility, for many of us long-term Shanghai expats, the prospect of raising a child in Shanghai becomes realer and realer as the years roll by and our connection with this city deepens. From someone who is doing just that, I can offer you this insight: China’s a pretty nuts place to be an expat parent. In case the possibility is somewhere on the horizon for you, here’s my big list of pros and cons on raising a kid in Shanghai.

Pros:

What’s cooler than cultural complexity? Ask my kid where he’s from in like 20 years, and the conversation will look something like this: *** My Kid: “My dad’s from Canada, but his parents emigrated there in the '70s, and my mom’s from China. I have a Canadian passport, but I was born in Shanghai, and lived in (exotic destination) for 4 years.” Hot Cheerleader: Wow, so do u like speak Chinese? My Kid: Well, I actually grew up speaking English and Chinese, but I had to learn Hindi and Urdu to speak to my Grandparents, and I speak French cause I lived in Montreal, but my dad also taught me Portuguese. I also had to learn (exotic language), from when we lived in (exotic location). But yeah, I speak Chinese, and I can read those cool symbols tattooed on your thigh. Hot Cheerleader: Wow, you’re so cool and exotic. And handsome. And worldly. And intelligent. And completely unique and unlike anyone I've ever met before. My Kid: I know Eastern Magic, so our sex is going to be mind-blowing. *** So yeah, did you see how highly that hot cheerleader thought of my unique kid? She said he was unlike anyone she'd ever met before... 2. It’s less judgey In China, there’s less an emphasis on pedagogy, and contemporary parenting philosophy is still young. That’s not always a good thing, and it does mean we’ll see things we may frown upon back home (ie. no baby seats, kids on scooters, or maybe even kids around secondhand smoke). To engage in any of these back in Canada would firstly be illegal, and secondly bring harsh and swift judgment from our peers and other parents. One thing I love about parenting in Shanghai, however, is that I’m free to stick my kid on a scooter, without some other parent throwing stares at me or telling me what a horrible human being I am. Parenting’s already governed by guilt, so it’s nice to be somewhere where society assigns more credit to the individual choices of the parents themselves. We can act according to our own judgement and not face social repercussions for that. 3. Ayis Ayis are queens. They deserve shrines and monuments honoring their contributions to our world. For 25rmb an hour, a magical fairy from Anhui comes to my apartment. I take my kid to the park, leaving his atrocious mess of baby bottles, toys, diapers, dirty clothes, and spilled food behind me. Upon returning, the fairy has vanished, leaving in her wake, shining hardwood floors, a tidy stack of semi-clean dishes, folded baby clothes, and clean bottles sparkling with ruminants of fairy dust. Bless you Ayi, and your unceasing source of manna. We truly value your presence. 4. Taobao Its function is so ubiquitous to Shanghai life it’s redundant to even mention it. However, homage must be paid. A beautiful fold up, wooden baby chair, 300rmb. A compact fold up stroller, 800rmb. Boxes of wholesale diapers, 300rmb. A crate of Belmy’s Organic Baby Formula, 1000rmb. Kids books, 50rmb. A crib, 600rmb. My kid is stacked, and it’s all thanks to Taobao. 5. Chinese People Love Babies This is awesome, because it means people are willing to deal with your baby while you chill. Saturday mornings, when I hit The Shed for some nachos and a Strong Bow, there are three waitresses lined up to take my kid. I’ve narrowed down a few solid baby-friendly bars and restaurants, where I can generally sit back, while baby-crazed Ayis and waitresses handle my child. It’s a pretty sweet deal. 6. Chinese Mother-In-Laws Chinese mother-in-laws are selfless, grand-parenting machines. It’s a culturally ingrained phenomenon here, where grand-parents feel an overarching sense of responsibility to raise your kid. It means, weekends out, late nights, and maybe even sleep. As a deejay, it’s a blessing. Back in Canada, parents are like, “yo we got shit to do, we’ll take him for like a night, after that you’re on your own, we already raised two damn kids”.

Cons:

Man, Chinese mother-in-laws -- they spoil the shit out of your kid, disregard any sense of routine, and let them do whatever they want. It’s like thanks for letting me go out and party, but now I feel bad for my kid. 2. Heath Issues This air can’t be good for our children. Combine that with food safety issues, terror stories about contaminated baby formula, and you’re headed straight to City Shop to spend all your money on imported German everything. International insurance is pricey, and without it, international child care is even more expensive. That said, literally millions of kids go to local hospitals and turn out just fine. But compared to Canada, Denmark, or even Brazil, childcare here has a long way to go. 3. School/Daycare Is Expensive I’m looking at preschools, and that shit’s expensive. Montessori runs like 6,000rmb a month for half-days. Move forward a few years, and I’ll be into international schools, which I already know I can’t afford. However, my kid does have a Hukou, so he can go to local schools, where they’ll drill him military style, teach him to swim or drown, and murder any sense of creativity before it ever has a chance to grow. But at least he’ll be able to do long division by age 4. 4. Lack of Family Like all brown people, I have a million cousins. They’re all awesome and super smart, and I sincerely wish my kid could spend more time with them. The impact would only be positive. It also sucks that he’s so far from my family’s culture, and Canadian culture. It would be dope if he could eat my mom’s desi food, and grow up immersed in Canadian politeness and cultural inclusiveness. He’s never even had Tim Horton’s. 5. Getting Back and Administrative Shit Visa’s, passports, citizenship issues, resident permits, waiting periods, Hukou’s, eligibility, certified documents, translations, immigration, notarized certificates... click, click, BANG! *** So there you have it. Feeling better? Feeling worse? Good luck, y'all. Love and respect. Feel free to leave your comments / stories / experiences / thoughts in the comments.