1st Place: Choice of two tickets to Tiesto at Myst OR 5 Seconds Of Summer at the Shanghai Grand Stage, a 500rmb Sherpa's voucher, and a mystery kuaidi grab bag from SmartShanghai.
2nd Place: A 500rmb Sherpa's voucher and a second-tier kuaidi grab bag.
3rd Place: Sorry, there's no prize for 3rd place in the game of life.
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"Finger Bang"
by Alina Oganyan
"I don't have any family in Shanghai and all my expat friends went off to warm destinations leaving me to wallow in my loneliness. Then a co-worker invited me to tag-along back home with her to experience a traditional Chinese New Year celebration, so I thought, "What the heck, I'll give it a go!"
It was everything to be expected, food, family, and of course fireworks. And the fireworks part is where this trip turned horrifically exciting...
So after sunset all the men turn into little boys again and hurriedly scuttle around preparing the epic display. As a girl, a stood back letting these men-children do their thing, and then BANG it happened; something hit me hard in the chest. A relatively peaceful celebration screeched to a halt and was replaced by screaming and commotion. From what I can understand, my friend's cousin managed to somehow blow three of his finger off his right hand. After the BANG I was a bit stunned, but after a few seconds I regained my wits and looked down to see a thumb on the ground in front of me.
The rest of the family managed to find the other two digits, and all three fingers were put on ice and went to the local hospital with her cousin. She said they sewed them back on. All I can say is this was the craziest CNY I've ever had, and the first time I got fingered by a Chinese guy!"
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"Goose's Revenge"
by Yung Peaches
"After 8 months of dating, I have never met my girlfriend’s parents. They live in Quzhou, so for CNY I had the honor [duty] of a 2 day visit to her hometown.
I went into the trip with a great attitude, and all was going well. I watched her grandmother kill a goose in the afternoon and we ate it for dinner. I’m no vegetarian, but I swear that goose looked right in my eyes before the clever came down with a loud thud.
The food, booze, and cigarettes started to add up, and I excused myself to use the restroom. It was one of those poops you want to take a shower after. Then I try to flush the toilet and nothing happens. It’s clogged and won’t go down, there isn’t a plunger anywhere, and I try to flush again and now it is overflowing all over the floor!
I return to the table, my face is bright red and I whisper to my girlfriend that the toilet won’t flush. She’s been translating the whole night, and without thinking just translates exactly what I said to the entire table. I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t look any of her family in the eye for the rest of the trip. The goose got his revenge."
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"ICE CASTLES"
by Connor Frankhouser
"The sign above the entrance to the Ice Festival, Harbin’s premier attraction, was devastating. The entry price resounded long within us like a sledgehammer hitting the bass register on a grand piano. The taxi ride out there was 20 kuai, a princely sum in our destitute state and it was not about to go to waste. Channeling Donnie Mahoney, the patron saint of laowai in Shanghai, we decided we would sneak into this shindig after asking ‘WWDD?’
We shimmied under one fence, our naughty nascent joy quickly quelled. There were several more fences to climb. A second fence surmounted, just narrowly avoiding evisceration at the hands of the sharp adornments festooning the top of the fence. We then found we had snuck into the festival but were behind a huge monolithic ice structure with no way to advance. The karmic version of ‘close but no cigar.’ Magically an uncle appeared, long left fingernail present. He too wanted to sneak into the show. In a stunning display of teamwork, we managed to balance ourselves on an icy precipice and maneuver each other over an eight foot tall shelf.
Once I opened my eyes after my not to graceful fall, I was rewarded with the sight of two bao’an and one of those menacing guys in the green coats you see outside of train stations armed with assault rifles. The jig was up. I yelled to my traveling partner in Spanish to stay put, that it wasn’t safe. In a serendipitous turn of events, my handling was turned over to two aunties whose job was to escort me out of the park. I gave them the slip quite easily and enjoyed the beautiful sights sweetened by 300 kuai saved.
Haven’t seen my buddy since then, hope he is okay."
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"Last House On The Left"
by Marcela M
"On my first CNY in China, I decided to spend it with a Chinese family. A Chinese family I met while drunk on a slow train ride from Xi’An to Beijing. Of course, I didn’t speak much Mandarin back then (or now) but whatevs - somehow I made it to these folks’ house outside Beijing.
It was so boring I wanted to go back home and drown my sorrows in jianbings or similar. There was a problem - THEY WOULD NOT LET ME LEAVE.
After struggling a bit and trying to explain that I had to go back to my dorm that night because of school regulations (LIES), I was able to leave. There was one deet - I forgot my camera. Shit.
Sometimes I wonder whether they were expecting me to make it rain with hongbaos for everybody (why would they invite a drunk foreigner to their house?), and sometimes I also wonder what might have happened to my camera. But there’s one thing for sure - never spend CNY with randos you meet on a train! (Also, don’t keep private pictures in your camera, but I’m sure you knew that already)"
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"Just Reading Up On Dog Pregnancy"
by MaryKatherine Lim
"My story goes back at bit before Chinese New Year. About a month ago, my colleague asked me to help her rescue an abandoned dog in her compound. We took the dog to the vet back when we first rescued her and she had a clean bill of health. We were able to find a new family for the dog pretty quickly, with the plan for me to take care of her during the holidays before she went to her new forever home. Well, when we took her for her follow up checkup, Saturday of Chinese New Year, we discovered she was pregnant! So pregnant in fact that she could have given birth during the holidays.
So I spent my CNY reading up on dog pregnancy, caring for the mom and my current dog and figuring out what to do with a litter of puppies. The puppies have not arrived yet, and we have a great vet watching her in these final days before the delivery. Not quite the week I was expecting, but I guess this is what happens when you rescue animals! And if Smart Shanghai readers want to adopt one, check out the ad here."
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"Hongqiao Direct To Pudong"
by businessinchina
"[My trip to El Nido, Philippines] got off to an inauspicious start. We arrived at Hongqiao Airport two hours in advance. Once at the ticket counter, shades resting lightly on my head, zinc smeared on my nose, board shorts leaving my legs smarting from the cold, I was told the flight was delayed.
Not to be perturbed by an inconsequential detail, I took my ticket and zoomed through customs. Sitting in the waiting area I heard an announcement in Chinese and observed an angry mob form around the ticketing desk, I figured I ought to go over and have a look. It’s fortunate that torches and pitchforks aren’t allowed through security, as gauging the visceral anger coming from the crowd I have to imagine that those would have been the tools of choice for this group. The terrified attendant noted that she would be happy to notify us when the flight had taken off from Singapore. Hmm, I thought to myself, Singapore is more than five hours away from Shanghai, if my flight is set to depart in an hour and the plane has not yet left the ground this seems like a troubling development. To appeal to the brooding horde, the attendant offered everyone at the desk a chance to catch a flight from Pudong leaving in 70 minutes. Taxi fares would be reimbursed.
I quickly grabbed my new ticket and checked bag and raced toward the exit of Hongqiao. Knowing the taxi line would be overwhelmed with passengers, I ran to the middle of the road in the arrivals section and shouted at all who would listen to take me to Pudong. One entrepreneurial taxi driver pulled me aside and said he would be happy to take me, but I would need to duck down as we exited the departure zone. The police were on the lookout for line cutting taxi drivers and I needed to be out of sight.
During the next ten minutes, as I lay on the floor of the taxi, I pondered both the mysterious puddle by my shoulder and the possibility of catching my flight. Thankfully, due to the holiday, the road was clear and I sailed through immigration, customs, and sprinted to the gate. I arrived huffing as the plane was boarding. Knowing that my three hundred kuai taxi receipt would be reimbursed, I sauntered up to the desk and asked for my money. The helpful attendant noted that I could head back out through security to pick up the cash. Realizing the flight was imminently departing I forwent the cash and boarded the plane. Ultimately I made it to El Nido; staring at the pure blue water made it worth every struggle along the way."
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"Paranoid..."
by 'Jerome Got Problems'
"It’s a Friday and I’m feeling antsy. I’ve been cooped up for 2 days and it’s eerie without the sounds of warfare coming from those bad ass firecrackers that were banned this year. I decide the only way to cure these blues is to get "Weird" aka blind drunk!
A beer turns into 5 beers, 5 beers turns into cocktails, cocktails turn into chemicals, and the next thing you know I’m doing the James Brown mashed potatoes via Amber at 6 AM. I turn to my right to see my friend playing a furious game of tonsil hockey & exploring pelvic regions with this tall short haired Asian chick. Sadly she has no friends to capitalize on and they bust out. The next day I learn that my friend ditched that chick because it was “Clearly a dude” which begs the question, did my buddy get to second base with a ladyboy a just an effeminate looking tall Asian dude?
Sun rises and I decide to eradicate these visions from my mind with bourbon. Next thing I know I’m clearing the dancefloor at URVC trying to grind my junk on an Italian chick that clearly is not into me. I also freak out the Euro exchange students by asking where the ski slopes be at. Next thing I remember I’m hunting a Filet o’ Fish when drunken rage turns me into the Incredible Hulk and I literally shoulder tackle smash through a bao'an hut. Lao Wang busts out screaming and I take the fuck off like a Chinese firecracker and book it 3 blocks in 30 seconds to my crib. I was so paranoid that I deleted my WeChat, e mail, and even YouTube from my phone just in case the feds were watching. I didn’t leave the house for two days after that."
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THE WINNERS!
1st Place: MaryKatherine Lim and her heartwarming story, "Just Reading Up On Dog Pregnancy"
2nd Place: Alina Oganyan and "Finger Bang"
We'll be in touch via email about your prizes. Thanks again to everyone who contributed -- happy new year.
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