The Gulou storefront dream has lately found expression in a new tacos and cocktails venue called, simply, perfectly, impeccably, I'M TACO. Sweet. I'M TACO! Right on. So when you walk in, it's this concrete corridor thing... ... that opens into a small, one-room bar and lounge area with room for about 10 people. It's the standard Edison bulbs-plus-concrete design that we've all come to know and love, spending a bit of time eating out in this wonderful and dynamic city. Simple wood seats and... -WHOA, WHAT'S THAT DISPLAY IN THE WALL. OH SHIT. Yeah, that's a Death Row Records comp displayed up against a Nas Streets Disciple vinyl, splayed out in all it's glory for all to see. Truly an East Coast-meets-West Coast kind of vibe they're going for here. Squashing beefs and avocados. All of a sudden I'M TACO just shot to the top of our list for best decor in Beijing. Pretty good reading material in the bookshelf too. Okay, so this is how I'M TACO works. There's no kitchen. Yeah, nah. Or rather, there IS an "open air kitchen concept", which is my man here with bags and jars of his Mexi-food ingredients behind the bar and a toaster oven. That's it. He's got a blender, some bags of Tostitos, and a dream. FOOD The menu is a few appy guys... ...some salad guys... ...some taco guys... ...and some burrito guys. The dude makes all this himself -- one dude -- behind the bar, one item at a time, with his cutting board, shredded cheese, blender, toaster oven, and two hands. Truth time: It takes for-fuckin-ever. It's like ordering Subway in extreme slow motion. But we didn't have anything to do -- this is our job, foreal -- so it was no worries. No problems. We can wait, we can wait. We want one of everything. Started with some Nachos. Nachos - 38rmb They were kinda nachos. Chips, chili, cheese, beans, guac. Rounded out with that classic Asian fusion technique of criss-crossing mayonnaise all over the damn top of the thing. (So classic that criss-crossing mayonaise thing.) I gotta say, they weren't that great. The guac was a bit browned, no sour cream, no olives, and there wasn't enough chili. But definitely edible. For sure. You can eat it. The toaster oven caused the cheese to melt and then harden like magma on the plate, which is exactly my technique at home. Next up, special chicken tacos. Special chicken tacos (45rmb) 45rmb gets you a plate of three hard shells, and, well, I'll be damned they were pretty good! Really quite good. Chicken was nice, and a good portion of meet to veg. Thumbs up on these guys. They sort of lack "taco-ness" -- more like a diced chicken sandwich in an el Paso shell -- but they were definitely tasty. Heading to burrito town... Bacon bamboo shoots burrito (45rmb) So, it's a burrito. You can't really deny that. It's a burrito. But a bit of a disappointing one. I was getting a lot of rice fierceness but not much else out of it. The bacon was fine enough but there wasn't enough of it to offset the blandness of the bamboo and rice combo. It ended up being more of some sort of healthy wrap thing. Needs like... way more salsa, meat, cheese, every damn thing. DRINK For drinks, they've got a fairly decent line-up of clod drinks, including fresh avocado juice! Huh! But we stuck with the booze. Here's their cocktails: Mojito on the right, caipirinha on the left. Ole! Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good. The Mojito was a little weak but the caipirinha was nice and refreshing. A Blue Margaita? Don't mind of I do... Solidly decent. It's a nice color. Dreamy. Nice flavor. Not too strong. Hey, these drinks are alright. Oh go on then, here's the Tequila Sunrise... Nice presentation. I like drinks with all kinds of zany shit around the rim of the glass. Makes me feel like I've got a rich inner life and all kinds of wonderful things to say, drinking these. Yeah, it was good. Kind of tasted more like a Singapore Sling or something though. Was a bit pulpy as well. But for 30rmb, sure. The Take-Away: Five stars. Rack 'em up. Five. I'M TACO -- they had me at the Death Row records diorama. Well, the name is on-point, that's for sure. There's no better name for taco restaurant than I'M TACO. The food is like... the food is like if you hosted a Mexican-themed dinner party at your place like five weeks ago and now here you are trying to get rid of all these damn leftover ingredients. But still good. Hey, better than I could do. I liked the tacos. I would go back for the tacos. Drinks were really nice for the price. If you've got several hours to kill and you're not super intense about the authenticity of your Mexican food (read: you're not some WASP from California), you should get these tacos and these drinks. "A broken rose given bloom through the cracks of the concrete..." -2pac I Ain't Mad At Cha I'M TACO is at 272-3 Gulou Dong Dajie, between Dada bar and the actual Gulou Drum Tower, on that side of the road.