There's a brand new restaurant in Sanlitun SOHO that combines my two most favorite things in the whole world: hot dogs and Satan. Satan: the horned God, the Blaphemer, the Accuser, the Baphomet. Chaos Lucifer of the Sinister Essence, High Priest of the Temple of the Black Light, the demiurge Yaweh, Lord of the Damned. He who shall, by arcane, aphotic prophecy, purify all of mankind in the fires of agony, thereby heralding in an endless aeon of darkness and suffering. Plus hot dogs. Introducing: Satan's Hot Dogs! Hit it, Chronos. Satan's Hot Dogs: what you see if what you get. It's like 12 stools and a solitary worker, doomed as she is for all eternity to ferry this ship of lost souls to oblivion, cooking up some evil hot dogs. Actually, I should mention it's "soft open". Not even the Prince of Darkness can get a restaurant off the ground without a bit of a grace period. Fair play, Satan. Fair play. So, yeah. It's pretty funny. There's a big Satan mural, featuring our man mincing off somewhere special in some very choice threads. And there's a wall of dog butts? And there's lots of literature introducing the concept of the "hot dog" to a clientele that might not really be familiar with this staple of American cuisine. "Put your will power to rest and come experience a hot dog from Satan's!" You probably already know hot dogs, though. They're those things that celebrities love. Celebrities like Elvira, Mistress of the Dark... ...Randy Newman... ...Miley Cyrus... ...and - OH SHIT, well if it isn't the devil himself! Ooof, maybe time to edit and reprint this poster. Think about it. Anyway! Onto the menu! This is it. So there's two types: the "Satan's Hot Dog", which is beef or pork, is bigger, and that's 29rmb. And then there is a "Classic Hot Dog", which is as standard ("classic") as you can get, and that's 19rmb. Toppings are extra, of which there are... one, two, three, four. Yeah, FOUR. Cheese sauce, "meat sauce", chilli peppers, and sour cucumbers. And then you've got mustard, ketchup, mayonnaise, relish at your table, helpfully labeled in case you're color blind. For sides, you can get a pack of Wrigley's Chewing Gum for 3rmb. That's the Double Mint, player. Here's what a Satan's Hot Dog looks like: There's basically nothing to throw on the thing, so I doused it in ketchup and mustard. And, you know what? It's not actually all that bad. Bread's a whole wheat, and was a bit dry. But the meat was so-so. Pretty much a standard brat kind of thing, albeit one that lacked much personality. It's not entirely offensive though. Here's the classic. I tried to get it with "meat sauce" and "cheese sauce", sort of MacGyvering myself a chilli cheese dog. -sadness ˈsadnəs/ noun: sadness; plural noun: sadnesses; the condition or quality of being sad. "a source of great sadness" Synonyms: unhappiness, sorrow, dejection, regret, depression, misery, cheerlessness, downheartedness, despondency, despair, desolation, wretchedness, glumness, gloom, gloominess, dolefulness, melancholy, low spirits, mournfulness, woe, broken-heartedness, heartache, grief. I think that pretty much covers it. *** So. I dunno. Satan's hot dogs. Yeah, I'd probably eat there again. Whatever. I have no shame. I don't care. I admit it. I'd do it again. Don't judge me! You don't own me! But if you're serious about your hot dogs, and especially if you like the idea of more than one or two available toppings on your hot dog, then I think you'll find that Satan's Hot Dogs lacks a little... (pause) soul. CRUSH THAT DOGG, BETTY WHITE. Satan's Hot Dog's is at the back of Sanlitun SOHO coming in from the main Gongti entrance. Walk all the way towards the back, staying on the street level, and it's on your right. They're open daily from 11am to 9pm.