*** If I sound a little off, it's 'cause I just had lunch at an S&M-themed crayfish restaurant. Yes. For real. An S&M-themed crayfish restaurant. (More on that later this week.) But, yeah, my world's really crashing down all around me. What were we talking about? Brunch? Ehhh, sure, I love brunch.

Mosto

Mosto is one of those restaurants that starts with "M" in Nali Patio. In their first incarnation, when they first opened, they were a very, very nice restaurant but too expensive for Beijingers to sustain. A year or two back, they re-oriented a bit to become a very, very clever restaurant that's more wallet-friendly. I think it's going better for them now, or at least I hope so because it's a pretty great restaurant. The food is a fresh and modern South American / pan-Latin sort of deal -- Nali Patio-wave food -- with an bit of an emphasis on a few inventive seafood dishes. The French mussels in particular, done a number of different ways, are pretty popular. So, brunch. Even before you get the menu they start you off with a shot of Bloody Mary, which is nice because it shows they understand how life-and-death brunch is. Menu is a simple one-pager, split into starters, favorites, and savories. Leans a bit more towards a lunch sort of deal, with pasta, chicken, and steak dishes. They've got the all-important free-flow booze add-on option, and then a few other pairing deals... My work's footing the bill for this so we got the most expensive thing: three oysters and a Bloody Mary. The Bloody Mary was pretty decent. And the oysters made me feel suitably refined in taste and pedigree, which is their intended purpose. Thumbs up. The seafood spaghetti, with shrimps and mussels... The smoked salmon Eggs Benedict... Classy bird's eye view of the spread... Yeah, man, quite excellent! The Eggs Benedict in particular was fantastic, swimming in luscious sauce. Just a bright and refreshing seafood feast all-around. Got a good buzz on with the drinks and fresh flavors. It's a pretty hip, yuppie-ish sort of brunch scene at Mosto. Every other table was either people recharging after a long night out at some Sanlitun bar or young professional types, getting a proper start to the day before... I don't know... firing of a few important faxes or whatever. Music was like some house music. Nnn tsst. Nnn tsst. Nnn tsst. Great for eating Tiramisu to. Mosto's brunch menu is available on Saturday and Sundays from 10am to 3pm. No reservations required.

Flamme

Flamme is roundly cited as one of Beijing's best steak restaurant and have been accruing super important magazine awards to their Sanlitun Village venue for the past several years now. The awards seem to peak, thought, at around 2012 or so and I'm not sure if that's because the world has turned, key members have left, or the place is coasting on bygone glory. It's still a very "nice" restaurant to walk into. It's clean, polished, and slick, without being overly masculine or douchey. That seems to be tough for a lot of steak restaurants to pull off. The brunch menu, available on Saturday and Sunday, is one page with jut a few steak options in amongst the standard American Breakfasts and healthy granola options. The prices were actually a nice surprise. Was expecting to get gouged a bit, this being a Wagyu beef place in Sanlitun. It's all very reasonable, with the most expensive option being the straight-up steak variation at 78rmb. And there it is. Not bad. Not too bad. The steak was a little on the overcooked side, though, which was a little disappointing, seeing as it's their main deal and all. The eggs as well were a little too well-done. I'm probably being a bit too nit-picky. It was decent. The service on the other hand, was exceptionally stellar. A floor manager actually came over to ask how I was doing, which was nice. She even inquired as to whether my water was cold enough. Hey, thanks for asking. Yeah, I'd go back. They also offer some outside seating as well. It's not the most dazzling patio space or view, but hey you can eat outside if they weather's alright. Flamme's brunch menu is available every Saturday and Sunday from 11am-4pm. Reservations not required.

The Meatball Company

I was a bit skeptical of The Meatball Company when they opened a little while back, thinking that they wouldn't be able to maintain people's interest serving just one food item. In the past few weeks, thought, I've come around 180 on that, and I order from here at least once or twice a week. With the different meats and different sauces, you get a fair variety of flavors, and it's just such a great deal on the all-important quantity-to-price scale. One red note gets you a great sub and a bunch of sides. In addition to the pork ballzzz sub, I rock the mashed potatoes, the mac and cheese balls, and also a side salad, which I don't eat. I'm just dealing with some guilt, so I get the salad. On Sundays, for in-house diners, The Meatball Company serves "The Baller Brunch", which is a three-course meal for 100rmb. Here's what you're looking at. It's the same every week. First course is a savory pie from Rager Pie, second course is meatballs reworked as sliders, and the third course is a fruit and shortcake number. Drinks are extra. This is a jar-glass (of course) of Pineapple Sangria, also available by the pitcher. It was just-a so-so. Could have used more booze. But maybe I'm saying that because I'M A RAGING ALCOHOLIC. And we're off. Course number one. A chicken pie from Rager Pie and a side of house slaw. The pie is drizzled in Meatball Co.'s gravy. I gotta say, Beijing is like this giant, unending potluck dinner. Everyone's food stuffs are available everyone else, and every time you go out to eat, it's like you're back at a this acquaintance's dinner party, and all these other acquaintances have brought that one thing they're really good at making. Does that make sense? Probably not. Fuck it, I like Rager Pie, what can I say. They're great. I hadn't tried this chicken one before. it was great. Maybe a bit more gravy though. Can never have too much gravy, eh. The slaw was very tasty. The main event: balls on buns. So yeah, it's TMBC's balls served as sliders. You've got your beef, pork, or chicken option, and instead of in a sub or as a platter, they're in buns, with cheese and tomato. I like the subs a lot so I like these as well. It's kinda the same thing, right. Perhaps slightly less messy. They come with some tasty little homemade pickle guys. You're basically not allowed to have a restaurant in Beijing if you're not making your own pickle guys. So hard to get a license unless you've got your pickle game worked out. Desert was shortcake plus fruit and whipped cream. It was alright as well. Baller Brunch. Sure, why not. I'm not going to knock a place for keeping the stereo locked on Wu-Tang Clan. Yeah, it was an afternoon of Method Man and meatballs. What's not to like? The "Baller Brunch" at The Meatball Company is available every Sunday from 11:30am to 3pm. RSVP required. Weekly reservations close by Saturday at 10pm.