*** Brunch: It's what's for brunch. Here's the monthly round-up of brunches around town that you can roll on if you want to.

The Rug

The Rug is the brunchiest brunch place in Beijing. They've got pages and pages of the stuff in their giant, slick magazine-type menu. They serve it every day from Monday to Friday 10:30am to 5:30pm and Saturday and Sunday 9:30am to 5:30pm. They don't even care about the rules. They're super psyched on brunch. They serve it pretty much all the time. General idea is that you find your favorite one and escape to the paradise. Food-style is breezy contemporary Western with a huge, trumpeting emphasis on organic sourcing and seasonal ingredients. The Rug is still offering their Spring/Summer menu -- wanted to check that one out one last time before they switch over to the Autumn/Winter line. Brunch is broken down into random base categories with several options in each: a Hash Brown Brunch section, a French Toast and Hotcakes section, a "Fancy Brunch" section, an Eggs Benedict section, and more. They do the classic sausage-and-eggs thing as well, but you're mainly going for "creations" on big-ass white plates that look like this: "The Rug's corn fritters with crab meat & mango - 118rmb" Here's one of the corn fritter-based ones. They've got more than one. Lots of elements rolled into this thing: crab meat, avocado, mango, corn fritters, some fu-fru sauce for looks, and a big pile of greens on top. All the colors of the rainbow. Ended up being a pretty heavy meal with small portions of the good stuff -- mango, avocado, and crab -- being overwhelmed by the corn fritters. Ended up finishing that stuff first and then pushing these corn fritters around for a while, thinking about the silent agony that is waking life. Here's one from their hash browns section. "Chef's special poached egg hash brown brunch - 58rmb" Another deceptively heavy dish with a mound of hash browns topped by a hearty mushroom stir-fry sauce, couple pieces of asparagus, a couple slices of bacon, and a poached egg. Was decent enough but again at the end of it, we were left with this mound of hash brown filler that was too much to overcome. Pretty cost effective, however, at 58rmb. The Rug's a nice-looking place, though, and is put together well enough that being there makes you feel like you're, at least, a semi-important person with proper modern tastes and ideas. We'll be back to check out their new menu whenever that's coming out, but will probably stick to something a bit more straightforward. Price range is 58rmb to 150rmb or so. Oh, the yogurt's good too but too EFFING expensive. *

Union Bar & Grille

Wanted to check back in with the Union as the long-running Sanlitun Bar & Grill(e) has recently reopened after closing for renovations. It looks the same. Or maybe it doesn't, I don't know. Looks brighter, maybe? A bit newer, sort of? Bar's in the same place, as is the dining area. Still, Union's been a pretty dependable place in Sayn-Lee-Toon for mid-range Americana food at fair prices. Service is really good too. But, yeah, it's a nice-but-not-up-its-ass American diner food restaurant. They have a marlin on the wall. They probably sponsor a softball team. If I was a divorced dad, I'd take my kids here for dinner when I had them every second weekend. Their brunch menu is nothing but stone-cold classics, with a few of their own house recipes thrown in the mix. This is one: Union Skillet - 68rmb Can't remember if this was called a "platter" or a "skillet" but basically it's a lil' frying pan guy with two eggs on top of a bed of salmon, and then a bed of hash browns. Topped with like a French Onion dip kind of sauce. It was righteous. Very nice. Nothing more to add to that. Thumbs up on this thing. Service was good too. They refilled my water three times and I didn't even have to ask. Right on, Union Bar & Grilleee, right on. *

Slow Boat Taproom

You probably haven't heard of this Slow Boat place. They're pretty under-the-radar as far as expat lifestyle media journalism goes. So, I'm here to tell you they have a brunch menu. A "summer brunch" menu no less. Guess this is another one you got to get on soon lest it be lost forever to the effacing tides of history. You go to Slow Boat for Sunday brunch for a couple of reasons. This is one: "Captain Mary - 45rmb" America, baby. America. This is the "Captain Mary". It's a pint of Bloody Mary that comes garnished with a giant damn pickle and a damn chicken wing. It's real gross. Gross, but in like an exhilarating way, I mean. Jubilant vulgarity. Flippin' middle fingers and poppin' wheelies. Blastin' Van Halen. So yeah, recommended. Confession: I didn't even fuck with that chicken wing. But as far as Bloody Marys go it hit the spot. The actual food menu has but two items: a pancakes plate and this, the Mantou Breakfast Burger. "Mantou Breakfast Burger - 45rmb" An interesting little creation to say the least. Kind of like the Beijing pride version of a McDonald's Sausage and Egg McMuffin. Bun is a seasoned Mantou, and it's got a fried egg, green onion slivers, and a patty from Andy's Sausages. I ate this thing by myself so you could say I was having a little solo sausage party. A big ole heaping side of depression. Welp, it's interesting, that's for sure. Was hard to eat because it's one of those things that's taller than it is wide. Hard to get my mouth around. I just ended up rubbing it all over my lower face and then dousing it in Bloody Mary. An interesting melange of sweet and savory flavors. Don't know if it unseats their actual burger but points for originality. The third reason to hit Slow Boats brunch: 100rmb all-you-can-drink from 11:30pm to 2pm. Every Sunday at Slow Boat. *

Ramo

Not a brunch per se, but they just opened and they're the only breakfast game in the area, so here's what's on the morning menu at Ramo in Fangjia Hutong. Guess you can't really see it from this shot -- it's at the very top there -- but they're offering a daily breakfast which is available during Geneva's Official Sanctioned Brunch Hours, 9:30am to 2pm. They've got just a few items available: Croissant and Black Coffee; Fruit Salad & Yogurt; and this the "Happy Breakfast": "Happy Breakfast - 38rmb" Happy Breakfast, y'all! This is two fried eggs, tomato, and two pieces of bacon on top of focaccia bread with melted cheese. Americano coffee included in that price. Pretty simple. Nothing much to it, but as I say, there's nothing really in the area if you want to get a bit of breakfast. 38rmb. And Ramo's a nice, open and airy space in which to set up your laptop and embrace the day. The rest of your life starts right now! Pfffth. ***