“We live in a world where there is more and more information, and less and less meaning” - Jean Baudrillard *** Pizza party time, ladies! Let's go! *\(^o^)/* Located in the cavernous north Florida outlet mall that is Solana, Nine Road Pizzeria is chasing that sizable Beijing middle class family demographic. It's solidly a Chinese experience because an East Asian take on North American casual dining Italian doesn't have much expat appeal. But damn, does this Koreaphile joint have astoundingly high ratings on Dianping. Check out the many similar photos online of bright red crabs perched on the edges of metal pasta bowls, self conscious, swarthy, vaguely Italian looking shirtless gentlemen and bizarre cocktails in fishbowl sized glasses. It all looks pretty hot. Upon entering the place, the décor attacks you like a whoaaaaaaaa WTF postmodernist nightmare, scatter-shot throughout the mammoth space. Just your typical race-car-themed-children's-birthday-party / artisan-apothecary-“creative space” / art-student-pre-fab-dormitory decorated chain restaurant. Lots of manikins in goofy poses surrounded by medical jars and defunct technology on floating shelves. They've got a real Harley with a real DO NOT TOUCH sign balanced on it's handlebars surrounded by an audience of vintage typewriters, racing stripes, shipping crates and metal barrels. It's interior design that invades your personal space and gets in your hair. I need a drink. The Golden Beryl Coronarita (58rmb) is, if anything, a real photo op. A whatever, weak/sweet Margarita-like beverage with a couple of mint leaves floating in it is crowned with a beehive of asbestos-like candy floss. Then a lil' Corona is plugged unceremoniously into the whole shebang. The cotton candy free Calamansi Coronoarita (63rmb) tastes better, and helps you, the customer, maintain some dignity. On the menu: Exactly what it says on the front -- pizzas, pastas, steaks. In that order. There's a pretty wide selection in pies from pan pizzas to deep dish. Requisite nods to American and Italian styles are fewer in number than their expansive selection of Asian fusion variations. Seafood dominates the pastas sections, and the steak section is heavy in BBQ options. Food! It all came very quickly. The BBQ platter (98rmb) has that ubiquitous East Asian mayonnaise-y sweet corn salad and two cuts of French fries. The BBQ itself is generous in portion with a nice smokey grilled taste. Well done. Another total yummer: the seafood cream pasta (68rmb) is rich and delicious like a fat mobster's lunch. Garlicky ocean critters and al dente spaghetti with a blank canvas of strange steamed bread for sopping up. I was really feeling it. I could happily eat this daily until I blimp up. The pizza sucked. No other way to say this. The pizza sucked. The mexicurry pizza (58rmb) was like a matzo cracker with some squiggly meat stuff on it. But the Chicago deep dish pizza (78rmb) was a worldwide low point for cultural misappropriation. Basically, off-brand low fat string cheese bursting out of pastry inexplicably drowning in Chef Boyardee red product. Pass. So, there you are. Nine Road Pizzeria would be pretty bitchin' for birthday parties. Coordinate when they have shirtless waiters (yes, they have shirtless waiters sometimes) and come in Chinese rich girl style with La Chapelle shopping bags, over-sized iris contact lenses and clunky heels and eat shitty pizza with your girlfriends. #ladiesnight *** Nine Road Pizzeria is located in Solana mall food street. Facing the main entrance to Solana Mall, go along the left side of it. Nine Road is a few down from A Thousand and One Nights.