Imagine a magical space, basically an ATM cabinet, where you can quietly peruse naughty pink and black leather things without ever having to look at or speak to another human being.

That place exists, Shanghai. We present; Mike Honey 24 Hour Vending Machine Sex Store on Wuning Lu.

But What Is It Exactly?

It's one of those inset street-shops that probably doubled as a dumpling and/or noodle joint in a past life. Inside are two banks of sex toys in little glass cabinets. Your neon-colored hysteria cures, your nylon ropes, your floggers, your novelty thongs, your body harnesses, your ballgags, your fleshlight knockoffs, your VR strokers, your doublehelix Brazilian depth stimulators, your Requiem for a Dream Specials.

There's also a vending machine, which looks exactly like the office snack vendor, for the smaller things: your condoms of the liquid/non-liquid/visible/invisible variety, your French ticklers, your feathered cockrings, your lubricants, your bud vibrators, your photoscopic Polish mistresses.

A friend told us you're supposed to soak it in water first.

It's clean (sort of). It's efficient. It's like something from a 1970s Japanese blue movie. It takes multiple forms of payment. They play Westlife and The Beatles over the speakers. Did we mention there's no else one there? Not a single soul in sight. Not a one. It's fantastic.

The products seem resolutely mid-range. Don't expect diamond-studded marital aids in there. This is a vending machine, after all, but some of this stuff might actually hold out for a couple of weeks, depending. You know... depending.

Payment works exactly like paying for a pack of M&Ms. Get the reference number corresponding to your product of choice, say the Eyes Wide Shut mask for XXrmb, and enter it. Then pay. Cash, card, WeChat or Alipay, they're all available. That's better than actual vending machines. Change is only available in coins, keep that in mind if you're looking to shell out 599rmb for that VR thing. Collect your toy.

They include a surreptitious black bag with every purchase in the glass boxes, so you can carry your whip, ballgag or feathered cockring inconspicuously. And no one will see you putting your fishnet stockings into that bag, because there is, as mentioned, absolutely no one else in there.

As far as we can tell, there're a couple other 24 hour vending machine sex stores around town. But there is only one Mike Honey 24 Hour Vending Machine Sex Store, and Mike Honey was the only one with the balls to submit his shop to our listings. You brought this on yourself, Mike Honey.

So there. Pop in before it gets shut down, pick out your product and you're set to go. Or the opposite. Get it.

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