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2014: WORST Flyers

Hate life, hate rap, hate white, hate black, hate love, love hate, I think I’m gonna lose it. Getcha hands up, let's do this!
By Dec 19, 2014 Nightlife

TELL EVERYONE



"To the last, I grapple with thee; From Hell's heart, I stab at thee; For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee.
-Some Star Trek

***

Hello, my friends! Yes! I bid you a very warm and hearty hello from up here in our nation's capital, sunny Beijing! It's very nice to internet-see you again! It's great to internet-be here...

Yes, it's time again for the yearly hater's jambaroo on the worst event flyers for the year of our lord, 2014. If you're new here, the rules are simple: a team of scientists scoured the SmartShanghai events listings, searching for only the most heinous pieces of visual marketing posted to our events submissions form.

Then we put it into a list. Boom.

Behold. We give YOU the best of the worst, worst of the best, best-worst, worst-best, worst-best-worst event flyers of the year!

Let's... GET IT ON.

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Sometimes you just know they're feeding you a line. "Japan DMC champ". Whatever, don't feed me that shit.

This dude's more unknown than everyone on the SmartShanghai Best Music article combined.

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You gotta hand it to the PR team at Hollywood. They've managed to tap in to the exact thought running through the mind of whoever happens to be in that club.

That's some next-level finger on the pulse shit right there.

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Check it out, Arkham's sound is so bad, you CAN'T EVEN SEE THEIR FLYER.

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Salsa party promoters, after like seven years of dealing with your party flyers, I've come to the conclusion that you truly only see the world in blurry, amorphous shadowy forms and big swaths of random shapes floating through the air. It's like some sort of vision disorder that specifically targets salsa party promoters only. It's really a tragic problem that surges through the salsa party promoter community, this debilitating ocular malady.

This is how they think the world really is.

Tragic.

***



I always wondered what the supermodels who eat at Caliburger do when they go out.

Answer: Zapatas.

Huh.

***



Eh... it's just alright. If I had to pinhole it, I'd say Mattia is in his In Utero phase. It's not bad really, but it pales in comparison to his earlier work, when he truly emerged as such a bright, young talent.

Can we go back, Mattia? Can we go back, old friend?

We both know you can do way, way, way shittier than this...

***



If you're going through some serious DJ Spenny withdraw, you can get with this guy, whoever the fuck this is.

Dude's like the methadone to the skag heroin that is DJ Spenny.

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"For flyer concept, I'm thinking zoom lens close-up of Avatar's butthole, and then just sprinkling the band logos over top of that according to no reason or logic whatsoever."

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You think this one's going be like a monthly thing or...

(Swish!)

***



Don't really get the concept of this one.

Are they trying to say the show will be like beating off to a Geocities website?

***



Kinda hoping Islam wins this one.

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Lola, with DEFINITIVE PROOF that it's not just a club full of white people.

DEFINITIVE PROOF.


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Ever get the feeling that Kim Laughton is just holed up at his house, laughing his ass off, and wondering when everyone else is going to catch on? Just clickin' away at some silly pink filter bullshit on photoshop and laughing, laughing, laughing his ass off.

I'm on to you, you fucking space druid. I'm on to you.

***



I've never been, but I bet The Mansion is like the number one venue choice for bacteria to celebrate their birthday.

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Man, Sacco should be thrown in jail for this crime against photoshop.

NO. TOO SOON.

(Luv u, big guy. Stay strong.)

***

Okay then! Hugs and kisses! Love you! Suck it! Just kidding about all of this!

See you next year!

XOXOXOXOXOX

***

For more of our year-end content, check out:

2014: Best And Worst Shanghai Art
2014: Best And Worst Music/Events
2014: China's Best Albums
2014: Shanghai's Favorite Eats And Drinks
2014: Best New Restaurants
2014: Best User Review Quotes
2014: Best Flyers
2014: The F&B Memorial Reel

TELL EVERYONE

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  • 5 years ago harrry

    some of these are way cooler than the best flyers of the year

  • 5 years ago danirlopez

    This list could have been so much longer.

  • 5 years ago krisc89

    You can rate the flyers without being offensive

  • 5 years ago H4F

    " Check it out, Arkham's sound is so bad, you CAN'T EVEN SEE THEIR FLYER. "

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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