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[AskMats]: Group Session

By Jul 8, 2009

TELL EVERYONE



I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. These past couple months I've been feeling jaded and bored, and I need something new in my life. I need a change, I guess. But before change can come in, I decided that I needed to clean out the old mess.

So for this week's column we're going to do something different. I'm going through all the unanswered AskMatsume questions (building up since 2006) and I'm taking care of ALL OF THEM. Now these questions were originally ignored for many reasons, but, generally, if your question goes unanswered on AskMatsume it's because of one of three things: we've already talked about it before (check the archives...), it's totally moronic, and/or perhaps it's a bad week and I don't feel like responding.

So to all you guys out there wondering what ever happened to your question, read on -- it might be here. I've had to limit myself to short answers, which means no sugar coating and no coddling. Ask a simple question, get a simple answer, simpleton.

Also, congrats to CLO who asked this question here. You're getting the Bloomnine giveaway this month. Keep sending those questions in for a chance to win this month's prize.

Q:
I've been through your replies and didn't find anything for women who want to get a good massage (and little more) provided by men. I remember you answering about this question for months, but couldn't find it anymore.

Can you please help me with that?

Could I get the number of the guy you mentioned who does sensual massage for women?


A:
Right here.

Q:
Can you tell me where there are any specialist trainer/sneaker stores that sell the latest /coolest Nike shoes


A:
The Nike Store on Shaanxi Lu, moron.

Q:
Do you know if there's a second-hand furniture store in Shanghai who will buy furniture off you?


A:
Fukuzen- www.fukuzen.net

Q:
Could I get the number of the guy you mentioned who does sensual massage for women?


A:
See above.

Q:
What does Technosexuality mean ? I read it somewhere but it didn't give a description of the term anywhere. If you could find the answer please feel free to give it.


A:
Technosexuality: a dandy narcissist in love with not only himself, but also his urban lifestyle and gadgets; a straight man who is in touch with his feminine side but has fondness for electronics such as cell phones, PDAs, computers, software, and the web.

In other words, a cool geek.

Q:
There used to be a bar on Zhaojiabang Lu that had 1 RMB bottles of beer. I think it has closed. I'm wondering where the cheapest bar is to get trashed in Shanghai... any thoughts?


A:
Club Lawson.

Q:
Read your post about the fabulous massage for women... could I pls get that gentleman's contact number? wut is the pricing like?


A:
See above. Last time I checked, 400RMB.

Q:
I am a new arrival to the city and I'm panicking because I can't find large condoms anywhere! I tried a sex shop on Nanjing Lu, but no deal! Back home I used the Trojan "Large" (not Magnum) condoms, but I can't find anything similar here. Any suggestions?


A:
Trojan "BIG BOYS" -- the box is black, has a black horse on it, and the condoms are black. Hmmmm. Subtle.

Q:
I feel like losing myself. Can't manage what I want to do. Do you feel the same sometimes and how you get through it?


A:
Yes I do. All the time. I drink.

Q:
Hi Matsume, this is my question. I play in a band here in town with a singer who is gay. I do not think I'm really gay but I feel this urge... I can't fuck around in the band I play in because we all know how that story ends... What should I do Matsume?


A:
Fuck him and then you'll know.

Q:
Hey Matsume! U shouldn't answer questions from old pervert western bastards! Dont U think!? And by the way are U a real person or just some virtuell psychologist webpage team! Don't wanna offend the thing U do! I think its quite funny to read some of the questions and your answers! kkk... crazy people out there! That's shanghai...


A:
I like old perverted men. No I'm not a team. It's just me, which is why it sucks when people waste my time.

Q:
I just have arrived to Shanghai. Do you know where I can find a really good massage house (oil massage) with pretty Chinese girls? And English speaking also...


A:
Seriously? You need help finding a wack shack in Shanghai? Seriously?

Q:
What would you do if you're boyfriend tells you a secret about his friends and tells you, "if you tell anyone, I'll break up with you"?


A:
Break up with him and then email me and tell me what that secret was.

Q:
Can i take you out sometimes??? juz to hang out... u r straight rite??? juz askin'... Hope u can bend the rule for a sec..


A:
You sound like a charming and intelligent guy, but how are we ever "juz" going to hang out and "bend the rule for a sec", if you don't leave a contact number.

Q:
Are all foreigners really like the guy in this blog -- www.chinabounder.blogspot.com -- or is he just talking shit?


A:
Some are, some aren't. This guy just wrote a blog about it. Who cares.

Q:
Do u know what's the cheapest way to go to hu chi minh, vietnam from beijing?


A:
Walk.

Q:
You know where in town (night clubs or bars) can I meet most of the western girls?


A:
Everywhere.

Q:
Can you send me the info for the sensual massage for ladies?


A:
See above.

Q:
Where is SHANGHAI SPERM BANK? gimme the address please.... i am full of them....


A:
Bar Rouge -- address here.

Q:
Where can I find girls for sex service in my hotel rooms in Shanghai? Any telephone numbers?


A:
Nope.

Q:
I'm an extremely sexually active person! I'm so backed up when I cut myself shaving... cum comes out!!! Any advise on where to go to meet people of the same species as me?


A:
Call me.

Q:
I hear, and see all these "special" massage parlors all around Shanghai, but what I'd really want is a really good, foot or body massage, but no sex.


A:
Just say, "no sex today, thank you."

Q:
Can you please provide the name of an excellent private investigator in Shanghai? Would like to check a person's background. Must speak English very well and Chinese.


A:
Nope. Get a life.

Q:
What does a girl look for in a guy?


A:
Confidence.

Q:
Where can I find a good massage parlor in Huashi, or nearest? Are there any brothels in the Huashi area, or nearest?


A:
How the f**k should I know?

Q:
HI!
I heard about the sensual massage and... may I know where did u get it??

italian lady


A:
See above.

Q:
allo...privet. you also moke before


A:
When I saw this question two years ago, I thought WTF... now it's kind of poetic and sweet.

Q:
I'm sick of meeting lousy guys in Shanghai. So I decided to do something about it. Where can I buy a vibrator? Exact addresses please. Thanks babe!


A:
Bloomnine- Room 603, Bld # 5, Lane 588, Yi Chang lu near Changde lu, 158 0191 1978

Q:
I'm a guy around 30+ but I don`t like younger girls. Where can I find older Chinese women of 33-50years old for a woman friend in Shanghai.


A:
Craigslist.

Q:
Seeing you at Bar Rouge on Bob Sinclair night felt pretty good. I'm asking you sth. I should have asked you a long time ago already. Will you have dinner with me...?


A:
Once again, he leaves no contact...

Q:
How will one know if Matsume had answered and posted one's question? Will one be e-mailed to be notified? How will you know?


A:
You just have to read every week.

Q:
Where can fined verry nice girls for massage in dongguan city and i can search wich one i like. thank you and wich place for that in dongguan.


A:
Nope.

Q:
Great posts! Very informative. I have a question which is kind of awkward to ask. Being from the States, I'm used to women shaving or at least trimming their pubic hairs. How would you ask a girl to shave/trim their private area but not be too offensive to them?


A:
Sit her down and explain to her that her bulging lunchbox is dirty. Then say, shave it.

Q:
I would love the contact info of the sensual masseur for women... Sounds delightful. Did you at all ever feel scared or unsafe?? Do you have a list of male masseurs...?

Most curious and eager ;-)


A:
See above. No I wasn't scared, I was horny.

Q:
Please sent me some weblinks of bordells and sex-clubs in Shanghai.


A:
Nope. I'm not a directory, moron.

Q:
Where do the married women on the prowl go? And where do the alternative lifestyle (really kinky) folks hang out?


A:
Craigslist.

Q:
What's better: chinese pussy, japanese pussy, or thai ladyboy pussy?


A:
Chinese pussy, not bad; never tried Japanese pussy, but I have one, and it's f**king magical.

Never tried thai ladyboy pussy. Not sure if I will.

Q:
Hi Matsume,
Where may I find a foreigner (not chinese) to do the gay massage for me in shanghai? A real gay massage including sex. Thanks in advance!


A:
Internet and/or gay bars.

Q:
Hi there. Been in Shanghai for a while now and I'm bicurious. I would like to have my first experience with a male (white if possible). Is there a way to do it discreetly? Thanks cheers


A:
Craigslist.

Q:
Oh wise, Matsume... Where can I find good creme brulee in Shanghai?


A:
My friend Jess says Vargas Grill.

Q:
As you have already established, the S&M scene is pretty weak here in Shanghai. I am desperately looking for a woman for strap-on sex. I'm a 27-year-old American, Caucasian, fluent in Mandarin. If you're looking for a guy to fuck with a strap-on we should hook up.


A:
You obviously have never seen me. I'm five feet tall. I don't see myself fucking a big American with a strap-on.

The fact that you speak Mandarin is a real plus though.

Q:
Where do you Japanese girls hang out in Shanghai? I haven't run into many 20-something Japanese people, but I know they are out there somewhere.


A:
There's a reason why you don't know.

Q:
Hi,
You reported having a great massage by a guy who flipped you over and made you cum faster than you thought possible. Could you forward on his info please?


A:
See above.

Q:
Kind impressed by your forum>>>pretty naughty sometimes> I"m married and being here quite some time, got recently very horny..
Is there any place you could recommend for clean "relief" at moderate prices? Because I dont want to bring any living souvenir with me to home it should be very safe..


A:
Nope.

Q:
Hey,

Could you pass along the contact details of the guy who gave you the massage that orgasmed you so quickly.


A:
See above.

Q:
Can you let me know the contact details for the guy who gave Matsume that amazing massage with the extras?!


A:
See above.

Q:
I cannot satisfy my girlfriend because I ejaculate too quickly. Any suggestions on making sex last longer or satisfying my girlfriend in other ways?


A:
Break up with her.

Q:
Dear Matsume,
Really enjoyed your columns and answers, they are edgy and so true! And the fact that you don't sugar coat the truth makes it so much more enjoyable. :)
Well, life here officially sucks and I was wondering if you could suggest any places or activities that a single gal like me can enjoy?


A:
Sex, sex, sex, and then more sex.

Q:
I'd love to know where can a girl get a little extras at the end of the massage?


A:
See above.

Q:
I've long held a fascination with the Japanese Culture. Their clean simple food, their minimalist achitecture, their zen aesthetics and of course their scintillating, sexually liberated women. Being half Japanese yourself could you enlighten me on where a red blooded male like myself can find a J girl. Is there any particular place or way to find these woman?


A:
If you don't know where they are, you're not meant to know.

Q:
Matsume, can you tell me where does one find a pretty young Chinese girl for a massage with a happy ending?


A:
Nope.

***

And that's it. All done. Clean slate. Keep sending in your questions. Probably wise if you don't bother asking me about massages though, unless you want to wait for the big roundup of unanswered questions in 2012.

TELL EVERYONE


7 comments.

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  • Seb Morris

    that was hilarious, you should answer like that every time

  • sputnikchina

    \"You obviously have never seen me. I

  • psinology

    Come on Matsume, give yourself more credit, you are at least 5 ft 1. Then again I\'m European so kinda vague on the feet/inches thing. (no sexual innuendo implied)

  • ChiMike

    Matsume, my friend Hamish said you are pretty nifty with scissors and I can\'t find anybody who can cut my hair right. Was he bullshitting me and if not can I set up an appointment?

  • Kiwib

    Nice one - your article about the \"xtra massage\" obviously impressed a few ladies. Thanks for the great articles. Be seeing you next-haircut.

  • pixel

    Chimike, Beijing hair Culture http://www.smartshanghai.com/venue/4117/Beijing_Hair_Culture_(Hilton_Hotel)_shanghai

  • ISpyShanghai.com

    I\'ve been telling a bunch of girls on the forums of shanghaiexpat.com to come here for info about happy ending massages.

    So if this lot are arriving from there, then I\'m sorry so many of them were too dumb to search the archives!

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