SmartShanghai posted 1,914 events in 2009. All of them fucking dire. Here's the worst flyers of the lot. We were looking for two distinct types of bad flyers. Those that are generally just bad and cause us displeasure to look at, and those that are so bad -- so, so bad -- that they spiral downwards into awesome and explode into our faces like a supernova of Christmas miracles. These cause us great pleasure to look at, we commend their artisans, and they should accept their inclusion herein as a compliment of the profoundest caliber.
Let the hate wash down over you like a healing tide. And feel free to let that hate fly in the comments section. It's Christmas.
Jun. 18: Acid Pony Club @ LOgO
Might as well get this one out of the way. We all knew it was coming. The great thing about this flyer is that they let you know that the DJ is from France.
Because if three-way bestiality salad tossing doesn’t sell you on the party, well, hey, the DJ is from France so check it out.
Various: Acid Pony Club @ Everywhere
And another one from the Pony Boys. This is the one they send over when they haven’t gotten around to doing a specific flyer for their upcoming party. It's their all-purpose image.
This is just sort of an indication of the general state of things when the Acid Pony Boys are playing.
Jun. 9: MEDITERRANEAN FENOMENO @ Club Two Recreation
SPAIIN!!! SPAIN! SPAIN! SPAIN SPPPPAAAAIINNN!!11!!1!!!
Jan 25: Spank @ MAO
I'm sure if I grew up in Italy I would understand. I didn't and I don't.
Dec. 12: Exclusive Fridays @ Club MT5
This chick looks like she was photo-shopped with napalm.
Apr. 18: ATFC Asia Tour @ De La Coast
When you're 45 the camera is not your friend anymore. It's time to step back a bit guy.
Wednesdays: Ladies Night @ Zeal
I think they sent over their first draft by mistake, but you can tell they’re working on something really huge here.
Anyways, it's great insight into the creative process. It's like watching Einstein think.
May 8: Komi Emperor @ Club Love
This guy may be the "most popular Togolese rapper", but I'm the world's greatest basketball player out of all the people who happen to be sitting in this chair right now.
Jun. 8: HOLLYWOOD AMERICA @ Club Two Recreation
When you do parties for the Russian mafia in crazy Chinese clubs, you have to give them exactly what they want of they’ll break every bone in your body with a sledgehammer and burn your family to the ground.
Before long though, you've got an event with one of the kids from Soul Asylum's "Runaway Train" video in a Supergirl outfit, some guy dressed like a storm trooper, and it’s "Crazy Yuri's Saturday Bash."
Downside is that you gotta chug vodka with Yuri every time he wants you to or your head will end up in a vice and he'll shoot you with a nail gun. Upside is you got your choice of fur coats off the rack in the back, and you’re welcome to a Playstation or two off the flatbed truck parked around the side.
Wednesadays: Bad Girls Night @ DKD
You're about 20 million miles from sexy when you appear to be falling over with a serious blood circulation problem and they've got you dispelling the party information out your ass as you go down.
Aug. 15: Linkin Park @ Shanghai Stadium
This flyer is shit because Linkin Park is just all over it.
Tuesdays: Salsa Special @ Muse Park 97
This flyer has a guy strangling a girl to death in space. It's a salsa party.
Wednesdays @ Red Beat
Jan 17: Russian Elit @ Lounge18
I hope that after this chick posed for this picture she was granted her freedom.
Wednesdays: Ladies Night @ Cookie
It's about time someone started catering to guys with fetishes for 3-inch chicks from Lilliput.
Thursdays: The Magic @ Sky
Every time I look at this one I can't help but smile. Is it the sly reworking of the Orlando Magic logo? Is it the thumb ring? Is it the absurdly serious and intricate wand?
It's probably everything.
Jan. 17: DJ Kamikaze @ M1NT
When you're Germany's "Number One Mash-Up DJ," you’re schedule is pretty tight and you basically don’t have time for this shit.
The organizers are pretty lucky they got this shot when they did, because he's just putting his jacket on and he's out the door to do a DJ a gig on some yacht off the coast of Dubai and do mad rails off the asses of super models.
“Take your picture. I'ma bounce.”
Don’t Know: Mattia’s Leaving @ Club MAO
Mattia! We will miss you! See you in September!
You have to give it up to Mattia. He took the burn last year of being included on the "Worst of" list and answered back with both barrels with this little gem here. Wow. The mystery of "what the red line is" pales in comparison with the mystery of who the lucky guy is on the business end of Mattia, greatest manager in the history of Club MAO.
Salute, my friend! Salute! Safe travels wherever you may be. You win. You win.
You are the Roberto fucking Baggio of bad flyers!
2010 Hall of Fame Inductee: Italo Disco/
Ferrari Party @ Shanghai Studio
This year's inductee into the "Worst Flyers" hall of fame -- joining Jeff from ILS, lest we forget -- is the indefatigable Mr. DJ Sacco, who consistently and resolutely offered up the finest flyers of the year for his Italo Disco,
He went hard, fast, and deep with a central theme: Rough trade.
Awesome bad? Awesome good? By whose definition? What is art? Why are we here? Is there a god? Are these guys going to be at the party?
Feast your eyes.
My favorite is the very last one, in which the gentleman appears to be perched into a very inconveniently placed glory hole.
Okay everyone, you have a great holiday! Let's do this! I love you! Kiss kiss!