Cry havok and let loose the dogs of war. Hanging out with some of the worst flyers to ever see the light of the internet for 2011. Let's do this.
Here's the best-worst, worst-best, best-worst-best-worst flyers on the year, culled from over 3000 contenders.
Man, it was tough
. Just so much SHIT out there.
Anyways, disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer, all in good fun, blah, blah, blah, please still buy lots of advertising.
Guy who did this one told the club owner photoshop “was not a problem at all”, thinking he could just eHow that shit and watch a few Youku training videos.
... But the flop sweat is just pouring off of this one.
It was worth it though. He got there in the end. Finished it up, clicked “send”, and then just sat back and waited for the bitches roll on in.
Nice 3D effect on this one. It’s like the suck is right in your face. Feels like I can almost reach out and touch the suck.
Flyers can be tough. There’s a bit of a formula there for big, crazy dance clubs – get a sexy chick off the internet and then just put some lens flare effects all over it to give it a nice shine.
But if you don’t watch out, one wrong font choice and some unfortunate spacing, and you’re way out in left field with what looks like a lingerie model farting the name of your party.
“Yes indeed, there was something scandalously chic in the air at Zeal that night…”
Hi, we’re Canada -- second largest country in the world, 35 million people, fully developed nation, member of the G7, G8, G20, NATO, OECD, WTO, Commonwealth of Nations, and all that, national health care, a general, liberal-leaning, progressive mindset, home to one of the most advanced education systems in the world...
… and here’s our flyer.
Thanks everyone! Bye!
Small penis club having a get-together, driving their small penises around a racetrack for a bit, then just hanging out, free time, nothing scheduled, with small penises. You should probably book your small penis in advance, as they might not be able to accommodate walk-up small penises. Don’t forget to sign up for the small penis newsletter -- keeps you updated on small penis events around Shanghai.
And keep an eye out for small penis fundraiser and networking events -- your chance to meet and exchange small penis business contact information with other small penises.
Someone talk to Brazil about being so goddamn Brazilian all the time. It’s fucking exhausting.
Just relax, Brazil. We get it already.
This flyer has Dumbledore on it and he’s casting a “create Windows 98 clip art” spell.
In every white guy’s head “learning Mandarin” just means “banging some chick who looks and dresses like this”. So basically what they’re saying here is once your done learning the shit out of some Mandarin -- learning maybe some of the best Mandarin of your life -- just learning hot and sweaty Mandarin all over the place -- learning Mandarin all over learning Mandarin’s face -- you can play some pool or darts or something.
Heeeeyyy… wait just one damn minute, here.
Was the guy with the glasses always in Smokey Robinson and the Miracles?
These lovely ladies-about-town are having a quick tipple – buy-one-get-one-free for girls! – and then it’s off to the dungeon in Pudong for their weekly Satan worshiping ceremony in which they bathe in the blood of migrant labourer virgins, rip apart goats with ceremonial knives, and collude into a massive, demonic S&M sex orgy in dark exaltation of Lucifer, the one true God and master.
Well, it worked. You made it. Ha-fuckin-ha.
What do you want to talk about now?
Hi, it’s Canada again. Still a fully developed country that consistently ranks amongst the best in the world in terms of living conditions, social infrastructure and well-being indexes . We’re doing a little pancake brunch mixer and we’ve whipped up a nice little flyer for it.
See attached! Thanks!
This boy’s making a lot of noise with those wispy pubes.
How 'bout a trim, guy!
No one really busts out the chick-in-slutty-Halloween-outfit-from internet flyer these days like they used to in Shanghai. I miss it.
It's like getting into a horny businessman time machine and dialing it to "cheat on my wife".
Heard this flyer is collab’ing with Steve Aoki and putting out a banging Phoenix remix on Dim Mak. Getting some good early buzz on the blogs.
Then it’s lined up for some east coast support dates for Major Lazor, and some side-work doing creative brand consulting.
For about six months straight, I saw this motherfucker every second of every day, on SmartShanghai, SmartTicket, taxi cab screens, metro stations, billboards, email blasts, other club events -- everywhere.
I started dreaming about Usher. Had this one where me and Usher were fighting these vampires in this weird forest. Usher killed the main vampire and sort of saved the day. He turned to look at me, smiled, and then his face sort of melted, and his body turned into a big fedora hat, which I then proceeded to drive around the forest like a go-kart.
Next thing I know me and Usher are failing out of an airplane, hugging each other. Just free falling 3000 feet, and then he looks at me again, and his body explodes into a thousand butterflies, and I’m still falling.
I wake up right before I hit the ground and it’s time to go to work.
Gotta hand it to Bar Rouge. They got stuck on the “WORST of” list last year for this action right here, and what did they do? Slapped that non-prize right on the fucker and sent it right back on over. Like, “what are you going to do, powerless asshole internet web editor? We own your ass”.
Got nothing to say, really. I give. I give. I’m stuck behind a computer all day and they’re down there on the Bund, fire-hosing Russian models in fake jizz. Who’s the real winner here?
Of course, that could be an “everybody loses” situation...
Hail to the king, baby.
Mkay, you all have a nice Christmas or Jewish Christmas or whatever!
Huggs and kisses!