Pudong is just a wealth of culture these days, isn’t it? Pudong is on the pulse. Pudong just knows what we all need. With that zany mall slide thing, the International Princesses of the World exhibition thing, and now this Slide the City thing, Pudong is BACK, it feels like. Pudong is NOW. Pudong is the NEW Puxi. Puxi is horseshit these days, I'm telling you! Puxi? Uh, more like WHO-xi! Kaboom. FACE. Pudong just gives and gives and gives. And so yes, you’re damn right we checked out that friggin’ Slide the friggin’ City, and what can we say? Friggin’ nailed it again, Pudong. NAILED IT. If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “Hmmm, I wish there was a place where I could pay like five different cover charges to line up for 40 minutes for one 20-second ride" -- and also "hey, c'mon, what’s a guy gotta do to get a little pink eye up in here!” -- and maybe even "I wonder what Samsung is up to lately" -- if this is your thought process, I have some huge news for you. As of today, July 15, until August 7, Slide the City is now open for business. Let’s get crazy. We’ll talk about all the other awesome things to do at Slide the City in a second — like the Samsung cellphone information tent and the L'Oreal make-up stand — but first let’s just cut right to the chase and give you the information you need to get on the big green slip ’n’ slide. Slide the City is in Shanghai from July 15 to August 7, open daily from 10am to 10pm.

The Entry Fee:

Monday to Thursday, from 9.45am to 3.15pm, entry is 148rmb. Monday to Thursday, from 4.45pm to 10pm, entry is 178rmb. Friday to Sunday, from 9.45am to 3.15pm, entry is 178rmb. Friday to Sunday, from 4.45pm to 10pm, entry is 208rmb.

Whoa, You Need a Locker?

10rmb rental. 50rmb deposit.

Now You Need an Inner Tube. You Can’t Go Down The Slip ’n’ Slide Thing Without One.

Single, 40rmb. Double, 60rmb. Deposit for both is 100rmb.

Oh, You Brought Your Own? We Can Inflate That For You No Problem.

10rmb.

GoPro Rental? Do You Do the Dew?

190rmb.

Oh, You Want to Go on the Other Rides Now?

There’s two: Bouncey Water Castle Thing is 60rmb. For 10 minutes. 10-meter By 10-meter Kiddie Pool is 20rmb. For 10 minutes.

Wanna Do Some Rock Climbing on Our Sketch Balls Rock Climbing Wall?

I'm good.

Nah BRUH, No Outside Food or Drinks!

10rmb water bottles. 40rmb Coronas. Straight-up weapons grade burgers, hot dogs, BBQ, wraps from 30rmb. It's all provided by a restaurant called "Soccer Fans". What?

Yeah. There Might Be Some Lines. Huge Lines. Wanna Jump to the Front?

VIP tickets are available Friday to Sunday only, from 9.45am to 3.15pm for 338rmb, Friday to Sunday, from 4.45pm to 10pm is 368rmb. Three. Six. Eight. VIP ticket holders can go down the thing six times. *** Still with me? So, this is what this thing looks like in the States. It's some massive and fantastic-looking slip 'n' slide that undulates down grassy hills and through tree-lined streets against azure blue skies. Look at all the Americans: laughing, laughing, laughing, wearing Oakley sunglasses, and having the time of their lives. Shanghai went a different route with it. How to describe. I want to say... esprite de refugee camp? The Shanghai one is built on a bunch of iron scaffolding on some anonymous concrete lot in Pudong, with the ghost freighter ships of the Huangpu slipping wordlessly into the fog in the background, and abandoned, half-constructed skyscrapers disappearing into the sky. A deep and resolute haze looms over everything. It's definitely an experience that's about a thousand percent more "Soviet" than what's going on in those videos from the States. Kinda feels like the ground might open up any second like -GAH-CHUNK- and some massive, Cold War-era CCCP ballistic nuclear warhead missile might start inching its way menacingly upwards, beginning it's fateful journey to Reagan's America. "Park's closed kids! Looks like World War III is a GO!" This is the food tent. There's like a permanent three inches of tepid water on the concrete floor in the food tent for some reason. I ended up eating this hamburger... ...standing forlornly in a tepid pool of water in a tent. Felt like a typhoon survivor, like any moment someone would throw a wool blanket around my shoulders, hug me, and tell me that I can rebuild. * What the hell was I talking about again? Oh, the slide. It's there. It's green. You slide down it for a 150 meters before it plops you in a puddle of rain water, dysentery, and regret. This is the SmartShanghai photographer going down it. I didn't even end up going on it because I was too busy plotting a Harmony Korine film adaptation of a J.G. Ballard novel. Actually, I didn't go on it because I didn't want to wait goddamn half an hour in line. And that's going to be the huge problem. So, the ride is fun enough. Or it looks like it. It looked like people were having a good time. The biggest problem is logistics. We went on a "media / VIP" day, blagging our way into the place because I'm this city's foremost expert on Yongkang Lu. Even on that day it was like a 30-minute wait for the one 20-second ride. I can't even imagine what it's going to be like now that it's fully open to the public. The company really got the promotion down well too, it must be said. They motorboat'ed like every single expat magazine in the city, fanning out free tickets like gangbusters. Everyone is going to be going to this. They would need like nine of these slides all side-by-side or something to accommodate people. You know how annoying a line is? You know how annoying a line is when everyone is half naked? BRRRRRRRRR. This is the line to just the kiddy pool. It went around the entire pool. Anyways, yeah, luke warm recommendation on this place. Luke warm. *** Slide the City is at 100 Yaolong Lu, near Expo Avenue, Pudong. It's open from now until August 7, 10am to 10pm. There's no way I'm typing out all that entry fee information again. Scroll up.