Every Monday we pore over reams of rants and raves, specious accounts of food poisoning and gushingly blatant PR copy. But now and then a turn of phrase manages to catch our eye. We save these words in our vault so we can salute them at the year's end. Of course, we like to think that every user who writes restaurant reviews on SmartShanghai is a winner. No, seriously. We mean that. In fact, why don't all of you take a moment to give yourselves a round of applause. That's right. Everybody! Yeah! Okay... Okay... Okay... That's enough... Pipe down! ...Nevertheless, we can only choose 10 for our list. To those who made the cut this year: Congratulations and keep up the good work! As for your prize... Oh, there will be no prize, but on your deathbed you will achieve total consciousness... So you've got that going for you. And now, selected for your reading pleasure, our Top 10 User Review Quotes of 2012...

10. The Central Scrutinizer on Kota's Kitchen

“'The long and winding road that leads to your door will never disappear. I've seen that road before it always leads me here, leads me to your door;' and that door is Kota's Kitchen."

9. AliDSH on Da Marco (Xujiahui)

"Service comparable to your local Kedi"

8. tabc on a Côté

"Sore bottom, sore wallet, sore experience."

7. SHBug on Le Bistrot

"[T]he nurses. Oy. The poor girls are outfitted in perilously short, occasionally transparent uniforms and must roam the floor, shooting cocktails into patrons' mouths out of giant hypodermic needles. This might sound sexy, but trust [me], it is not. The girls seem bored and a little grossed out by their task, and who can blame them-- maybe half of the time the recipients gag or dribble their Bloody Mary onto their pink bibs. It is unpleasant to watch (and girl, I am eating, I don't need to see your thong)."

6. casperXX on Cui Sushi

"Maybe it was because of the rainstorm outside, maybe the Head Chef was on vacation already or had committed seppuku -- the rolls were not even CLOSE to what I expected."

5. Morgan on Munchies

"Ordered a side of chilli and extra cheese with my french fries. Because they're always so undercooked these days, I figure drowning them in chilli and cheese will make them taste passable. No such luck. The delivery guy has been carrying the side of cheese in his jacket, upside-down for some reason. He pulls it out of his pocket, cap comes off, and cheese sprays everywhere, all over the place. Fuck, guy. Then he starts pulling the cheese out of his pocket with his gloved hand to put back into the cup to give to me. I don't want this shit, buddy. There's jiaos and pocket lint in it."

4. Stanfang on Caliburger

"The burgers and fries are pretty close--the meat's less flavorful and the buns under-grilled-- but the animal, er, Wild Style fries are, in my book, better than the original, especially when the fryer's turned up high enough. Grilled-onion spread: good. But the rest of it: the lavatorian floors, the harsh, skin-sickening overhead fluorescents, the color scheme that wanted retro but got institutional, and the anomalous and inexplicable presence of rail-thin models who clearly have no idea what they're there for... all make for a kind of down-market surrealism that makes the high prices seem just that. So who would go there? Couples on a date? No, too ugly and too weird a place, and an atmosphere that revels in its fast-foodness as it slow-blends its higher conceptual demands. Burger-gourmands? No, plenty of better burgers in Shanghai for not much more money. Fast-food types? Well, it's not that fast and it's REALLY not that cheap. Who does that leave, beyond those initially curious? Nostalgic Californians? (I know a guy who ate at In 'n' Out every day for ten days before moving here, just so he'd get sick of it and not miss it). Maybe, but once only. There's a darkness at the heart of Cali-burger, the darkness of the Big Idea gone awry, and it might remind Californians of the real state of their state, something that the real In 'n' Out--its culture, its brighter weirdness, the good taste of its food--helps them temporarily forget."

3. sifanliang on Bloc

"...as tempting as a gorgeous Russian hooker."

2. Jacob Flowers on Goga

"I've decided I hate the new cityweekend layout and so I'm just posting my reviews here instead, cause SmSh has done it better."

1. Lauraholt on Bikini

"I recently sampled the Mr. Jeremy hot dog at Bikini and let me tell you this girthy stud lives up to his name. While the meaty filling is conventional enough, the truffle oil and fancy french mustard that accompany it make it nothing short of exceptional. When thrust into a freshly baked bun it comes out on top putting IKEA's hot dogs to shame (they lack girth and stamina)."