You know how I like my cuisine? Worldly. I like it "worldly", Shanghai. I like my delicacies to come from distant lands flown in on twin-engine planes on beds of ice like important organ transplants; I like my caviar to come in briefcases chained to some guy's wrist; I like my back truffles hustled from ancient forests in rural France. Or England. Or wherever those things are from. Germany? Anyway. The Yummy Planet Foodie Festival is on. Right now. At the ShanghaiMart in Gubei. Here's our Report from the Ground.

*** Taking up the space of a few football fields, the Yummy Festival is back for its second year in Shanghai, and this year's theme is global cuisine. It's a "Yummy Planet". Upon entering the exhibition space, one is struck by how involved it all is. I was expecting a rather janky affair, as indoor exhibitions tend to be. This was... pretty well done. Big turnout too for today, Friday, a working day around 11am. The basic layout and organization is food representing the continents of the world. You start with Asia... ...jaunt through North America... ...South America is a party. Oceania is a real thing? Europe. They've got some food there. And, finally, Middle Earth. Just kidding! Middle Earth! What are they gonna serve? Lembas bread? Samwise Gamgee's Fish and Chips? (Real thing.) The New Zealand cultural booth featured two people dressed up like elves, which fills me with joy even now just typing that! If you scan their QR code (elvish magic) you got some free flip flops. (Enchanted flip flops.) So basically, in each of these continent sections, you've got various countries represented, and various restaurants, food importers, and food equipment retailers representing said countries. If you're familiar with Shanghai's Western restaurant circuit, basically all these names are familiar to you. The chefs are also on-hand (mostly) representing their restaurants, showcasing the cuisines of their homeland. Palmetto and chef Gavin McAleer holding it down for 'Merica: Maison Paillion and Chef Xiao Hu with the French Touch. Kakadu was a real big draw in the Oceania section. And el Willy represented Super Mario World. Let's check back in with the elves.

- “AYY, party tonight at Elrond’s. Gone be LIT AF. Ima DIDI an eagle around midnite if chu wanna roll with me.” - “Sounds sick.”

Other restaurants serving at Yummy Planet: Pistolera, Wolfgang Puck, Kiwiana, Imperial Treasure, along with booze, juice, pastery stands, and more. Nothing too mid-blowing if you frequently dine out in Shanghai, but it's a nice collection of places if you're newer to Western restaurants and the in-house price tag of some of these restaurants might put you off AKA "it's geared to local audiences". So it's kind of like a big food Expo. And Shanghai likes a good Expo. Yummy Planet tips to the higher end of the spectrum, and it's supposed to be sort of "fine dining" dishes being presented. Or at least really quirky "national" foods. Lots of singular items in the booths. From el Willy: From Kakadu -- isn't them shits endangered? From Maison Papillion: From Wolfgang Puck: Fair amount of... I don't know what you'd call that. "Flourish" going on.

-“Soooo hungover. Ayo, watch the desk 4 me. Ima go round back and burn one down. Got some of that sweet, sweet tree from Legolas in Fangorn.” -“oh ya ima go first! LOLBRB.”

But it's pretty sprawling overall. These guys are in the AMERICA section. Seems so obscure. The Northwestern Cherry Growers! Can't have a planetary foodie fest without them. As expected, Brazil has to calm down about being so Brazilian all the time. WE GET IT BRAZIL. RELAX. Some durian girls from around the way. Just total delinquents, these two.

- “YO, u heard they ain’t issuing Z-Visas anymore to The Undying Lands right. WTF. Can’t even with this.” - “Shit fam. my cousin went to school with Galadriel. she got some of that ancient magic with the PSB. Can hook u up. You think instead of a dark lord they want a queen? Beautiful and terrible as the dawn, SRSLY?”

So You Want To Go To Yummy Planet Foodie Fest?

Yummy Planet is on today, tomorrow, and Sunday, at ShanghaiMart. Entry tickets are 58rmb, and then it's pay as you go at the individual booths. It's a bit more on the expensive side because there's a lot of gourmet options. Prices for individual plates go from 30rmb to around 90rmb. It's an exhibition event in Shanghai so bring your patience A-game. Lots of people when we went. There was a line at most every booth. And then there is the cooking time -- most of these items are made to order and take 5 or 10 minutes to cook up. As it's on from 10am to 10pm on Saturday and Sunday, I'd suggest going at an off-peak time. SmartShanghai.com is handling e-tickets for this event right here. You just pay with Alipay or WeChat via our SmartTicket platform and redeem it at the entrance to the event. They're staffed with English speakers if you're not as... worldly as some. ***